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I have been living in a different country to my home country for the past 3 years with my boyfriend. Was only meant to be for short amount of time with his job, ended up going permanent and we stayed. I have always been homesick and wanted to move back and he doesn’t. We have a toddler  and I am currently 6 months pregnant. Our relationship is not good, can’t agree on anything, he is not very supportive. I had postnatal depression with my first, and scared I will get it again with this baby. I want to move back and have baby in home country where I have more support as have none here, but he feels I am taking our kids away from him and making him miss out on the birth. I need some advice!

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8 minutes ago, Dani1234 said:

We have a toddler  and I am currently 6 months pregnant.  I want to move back and have baby in home country where I have more support as have none here

Ok arrange that with your family. Take the other child with you. You're not married so stay with your family for an extended visit and reflect on what to do from there.

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Posted (edited)

Think carefully before you make any moves. If you leave don't keep going and coming and going and coming. That's confusing for the children and you yourself will be more confused with the situation as time goes by. Think this through on whether the relationship is over and you are completely finished. Get some legal advice as to leaving if you want to leave and in taking the children with you. I don't recommend just leaving on a whim or for short term. 

He has a right to see his children so whether you face it now or later (the sooner the better) you should start arming yourself with whatever legal obligations you both have as parents. Find out everything you need to know. Your kids deserve to have a father.

Edited by Rose Mosse
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Where was the first child born, and can you legally take this child across country lines?

I'd consult a family attorney. If you can legally move with the first child, I'd consider birthing the second child in your home country or you might otherwise be legally bound to keep the child in the country where you don't want to be.

The father is capable of making up his own mind as to where he wants to live. You need legal advice about your children.

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You can't take your babies away from their father, that wouldn't be fair to them. Sorry you have issues but this should be about your children. Justifying to ditch your BF because "things are not good" is not a good enough reason. You are being hasty, your depression is doing the talking. Calm down. You and your BF shouldn't have to make a sacrifice, but you can make a compromise. You need emotional help? then invite a family member to come visit instead. Lots of people have mom come and help with baby. When your baby is a year old and manageable for travel, just go visit family from time to time. Calm down those nerves with therapy, and believe it will get better.

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22 hours ago, Dani1234 said:

I have always been homesick and wanted to move back and he doesn’t.

I fully endorse Smackie's post, all of it. Homesickness is no excuse. 

 

21 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

You are being hasty, your depression is doing the talking. Calm down

A very good idea to invite someone from your family to travel over to you.  Besides, after three years surely you have made some friends where you are living now?

Besides when your BF's job became permanent you could have decided then to either stay or go back to your country.

You say in your first post that you need advice.

So I would simply repeat what Smackie has said.  

22 hours ago, Dani1234 said:

and making him miss out on the birth.

He sounds supportive enough.  On what aspects do you not agree?

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I agree he sounds supportive enough if he doesn't want to miss the birth of his child. I think your thought process is getting the best of you...you are only seeing what you are seeing because of your depression. You are not thinking straight.

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