I (f 17) and her (f19) are both too shy to get anywhere

[Freakshowww]

I really like this girl that I work with and we’ve been on a few dates. I’m 17 f and shes 19 f. We both have never dated anyone else or even had our first kiss. I was the one to ask her out and things have been going good, I know she’s interested in me, but she’s just so damn anxious. 

 

I know it’s not her fault but I have anxiety issues too and things are just not progressing because of this. I made the leap and hugged her, but I can’t make a move beyond that. I thought she may be opposed to affection so we had a conversation about boundaries and she assured me that I wouldn’t make her uncomfortable with anything. The most affectionate thing we’ve done is hug and we didn’t even do that until our 3rd date.

I just don’t know how to get her to stop being so nervous. She keep apologizing for “being awkward” and I keep reassuring her but she never calms down at all. She literally just left my house less than an hour ago, I initiated a hug before she left, and it was a normal hug, but she’s so anxious that she thought she messed it up somehow. After we hugged, she said,”sorry Im so awkward.” What do I do? She’s technically the “boy” in the relationship, and I don’t want to overstep. I hate the idea of taking the more dominant role, and I really don’t want to be the one leading the pace. I need her to make the next move. She’s made it clear that she enjoys being the “man” in the relationship- so how do I make her comfortable enough to do that?

[MissCanuck]

5 hours ago, Freakshowww said:

so how do I make her comfortable enough to do that?

In short? You can't. 

This is on her. It sounds as though you're respecting her boundaries but that's really all you can do. If she is not comfortable enough to slowly start letting you, well, she isn't really ready for a relationship. 

But a question - is she out? Perhaps she is still coming to terms with her sexual orientation and identity. 

[Rose Mosse]

You probably should relax a bit more. People sense when you're tense or expectant of certain behaviours. If you're eyeing her and watching her every move, wondering why she's not acting or doing things the way that you want, it's bound to make anyone feel severely uncomfortable. 

Relax and do more activities outside the house. If she comes over, cook together. Whatever you're doing around the house, invite her to take a look. 

There's an art in making others feel comfortable around you. Don't pay so much attention to what they're doing. Let her come to you. 

[melancholy123]

I think you need to slow down, both of you need to relax.  Do some fun things together as you get to know each other better.  Dont force anything.  Perhaps you are more in a hurry than she is.  Take your time.

[Tinydance]

How many dates have you been on? It sounds a bit like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself and her as well to rush this along. It's also OK to take it slow. Just enjoy each other's company and get to know each other. To start with you could try holding her hand? Maybe you could go to the movies and hold her hand and put your arm around her? Of course it's scary to kiss if you both never kissed anyone before. It's normal to feel that way. No need to make everything happen fast. You were brave to ask her out and you took the first step which is great! You got this!

[Freakshowww]

14 hours ago, Tinydance said:

How many dates have you been on? It sounds a bit like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself and her as well to rush this along. It's also OK to take it slow. Just enjoy each other's company and get to know each other. To start with you could try holding her hand? Maybe you could go to the movies and hold her hand and put your arm around her? Of course it's scary to kiss if you both never kissed anyone before. It's normal to feel that way. No need to make everything happen fast. You were brave to ask her out and you took the first step which is great! You got this!

We’ve been on 5 dates. I asked her on the first one, she asked me on the second one. And its just been going good and she hangs out at my house alot, usually stays until after midnight. She made a comment to me that she “doesn’t know what she’s supposed to be doing”. I told her that we’re not SUPPOSED to be doing anything. We’re going at our own pace, and that’s okay. I don’t want her to feel pressured or obligated in anyway, but I feel like she keeps stressing herself out about it and I just want to calm her nerves. Idk how to make her stop feeling anxious

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, Freakshowww said:

Idk how to make her

You use the term "make her" a lot. That could make anyone anxious. Slow your roll. Know where you end and someone else begins.