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I cannot leave my ex. I mean he does not belief he is my ex because we kept in touch and considered reconcilation. After one year of LD relationship we broke up. After this he became so mean and blamed me for everything. We had frequent arguments for the last 3 months. When I explain to him what bothers me, he turns this on his side and tells what he wants and how I manipulate him. I told him I need love and more understanding, and he shows the opposite and says cannot be more warm towards me because I ignore what he says to me. I know I should let him go and just break all contacts. I have tried to break all contacts before, but only lasted 4 days. He knows I cannot let go because he promised for 8 months durinf our relationship he eants to fight for our relationship, he loves me etc. But not he expects me to be more understanding and kind, when he hurts me and make me feel like a child. He said I am illogical in my decision and I need to grow up for the simple fact that I told I need a real relationship, not part-time where he focuses so much on his work(15 hours a day and always talks about work and how good he is at his job). I feel mixed feelings, I feel like sometimes I miss the perosn he used to be and on the other side I feel resentments, frustration and hate. I feel miserable now for staying in this unhealthy situation for so long. I feel the best option will be to let him go and focus on myself, bur I have low self-esteem, depression and low family support. I am waiting for an appointment to a psychotherapist. This was the longwst and most serious relationship I have ever had.  I  just feel hate towards myself for being so naive and still trying to fix things. 

What can I do to let him go and not miss the person he used to be? I am afraid I won't find a good man. I was told so many time by relatives, man are all the same and they treat women bad, I do not know what else to believe. 

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3 hours ago, Mary A said:

 I have low self-esteem, depression and low family support. I am waiting for an appointment to a psychotherapist. 

Sorry to hear that. Have you met in person?

Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Go to a physician for an evaluation of the moods and anxiety. Then get a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

Do not continue to chase an abusive creep. Get more involved in real life activities such as working, classes, sports/fitness, clubs, groups and volunteering.

A better life away from the screen as well as appropriate medical and therapy support will improve your outlook on life.

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2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry to hear that. Have you met in person?

Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Go to a physician for an evaluation of the moods and anxiety. Then get a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

Do not continue to chase an abusive creep. Get more involved in real life activities such as working, classes, sports/fitness, clubs, groups and volunteering.

A better life away from the screen as well as appropriate medical and therapy support will improve your outlook on life.

Thank you. I already did this. It takes some time as this is not a straight thing in the country I live. The thing is I cannot move on ans accept he changed, I am in touch with him and still hope he will become the lovely person he used to be, but he gets defensive and hurts me. I just need to learn to let it go, but I cannot because now I told him I am happy for him to come to my birthday. I just cannot think straightx he wants to me with me and says he loves me, but he expects me to agree with him on mos the things and is too busy with work and his goals.  

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26 minutes ago, Mary A said:

 he gets defensive and hurts me.  I told him I am happy for him to come to my birthday. 

Talk to your friends, family, parents, about the abuse. Research what abuse is.

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10 hours ago, Mary A said:

what he wants and how I manipulate him. I told him I need love and more understanding, and he shows the opposite and says cannot be more warm towards me because I ignore what he says to me. I know I should let him go and just break all contacts. I have tried to break all contacts before, but only lasted 4 days. He knows I cannot let go because he promised for 8 months durinf our relationship he eants to fight for our relationship, he loves me etc. But not he expects me to be more understanding and kind, when he hurts me and make me feel like a child.

Yes, sadly, he is showing his real colours 😞 

He is insensitive towards you and you know that you're wanting out is for really good reasons.

is good that you realize you do not deserve to be treated this way and you are wanting out! - Good start 🙂 

 

 

10 hours ago, Mary A said:

I  just feel hate towards myself for being so naive and still trying to fix things. 

Noo, don't see it this way... you've just been stuck with a loser and you WILL regain your inner strength again and walk away - for good!  Takes some real effort to get out of it.

 

10 hours ago, Mary A said:

What can I do to let him go and not miss the person he used to be? I am afraid I won't find a good man. I was told so many time by relatives, man are all the same and they treat women bad, I do not know what else to believe. 

 

- Keyword - What he used to be.

No, men are not all the same... but you will get all kinds.  

Everyone has their internal issue's... but they are not so arrogant & insensitive.

Is good that you are reaching out for some help now.  But, try to remember... YOu were okay BEFORE him.. you will be okay, After him 😉 

 

 

IMO, you just feel stuck.. and unable to safely move on.. But, you can!  many of us have.

His head games & manipulations don't help things though 😕 .

I feel you NEED to gain some self confidence.. realize you do NOT need him.  But on your own.

Keep trying... and I am sure soon, you WILL find that inner strength to get away from him & for good!

When you are away from him.. No contact is the way to go.  Do not respond, do not reach out, nothing!  You ignore & avoid.

Eventually, it will all ease off... and you will feel some relief.

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10 hours ago, Mary A said:

What can I do to let him go and not miss the person he used to be? I am afraid I won't find a good man. I was told so many time by relatives, man are all the same and they treat women bad, I do not know what else to believe. 

Believe in yourself a little more. There are a lot of negative stereotypes filling your head in your most vulnerable  state and that has to stop. Limit your contact with these relatives. Thank them for the concern and excuse yourself. Being a part of that inner circle is hurting you so get out and take better care of yourself overall. You do not need to cut your family out but you should start practicing better boundaries now. Don't put it off, expecting this to get better on its own. It won't. 

When you leave a relationship, it means you leave that person, his/her influences behind, their expectations of you and you start to develop new dreams and expectations for yourself. Rebuild and come back to who you are. You can't do this constantly being filled up by negative associations, stereotypes and your ex poking in all the time. Close the communications with your ex and take up new hobbies. Redirect your energy.

 

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16 hours ago, Mary A said:

Thank you. I already did this. It takes some time as this is not a straight thing in the country I live. The thing is I cannot move on ans accept he changed, I am in touch with him and still hope he will become the lovely person he used to be, but he gets defensive and hurts me. I just need to learn to let it go, but I cannot because now I told him I am happy for him to come to my birthday. I just cannot think straightx he wants to me with me and says he loves me, but he expects me to agree with him on mos the things and is too busy with work and his goals.  

He has shown you over and over who he is, when are you going to pay attention?   He will NOT change!

I wonder what you get out of all of this, as you know that he does not love you, as people do not abuse people that they love.  

 

You will move on if you block and delete.  Don't you think it is time to be loving to yourself.

Edited by Hollyj
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