Crush is really weird/shy around me in person, but hasn't reached out via call/text. What should I do?

[krystacherie30]

Okay, so long story. There's this really reserved guy at my work and at first, I didn't really give him much attention. Then one day, he turned around and looked at me and I looked down from him. 

He made me feel shy. After a little while I noticed he'd always glance at me and smile and at other times when I looked at him to say hello, he'd always look down. Some time after that he started greeting me by waving and smiling at me. I started talking to him with little conversations and he seemed like he didn't really have much to say. But he was really enthusiastic about the conversation, teeth smile and all. We had awkward pauses but I didn't mind. There were times in the beginning where he'd initiate or say something but after a while, he retreated for some reason.

Then when I would wear cute clothes to boost my confidence and feel good, I noticed he'd always make heavy like breathing/sigh sounds when he'd walk by me and it made me feel like he despised me because he always done it around me only. He's also avoided eye contact and avoided me at times.. I haven't done anything to him, but it hurt my feelings a bit. Every time he's saw me, he'd look down. Made me feel like I was a problem.

Next, I've continued to talk to him because he would still wave and acknowledge me, so I thought things were okay for the most part. He's still polite. After some time he opened up a little. He would laugh nervously at almost everything I've said, looks at me in a "deer in headlights" sort of way, a few times he's actually gotten tongue tied and mixed up words when talking to me, and when helping me one time, he's bumped his head under my desk (lol). In my computer screen reflection, when he'd walk by -- I would see him have his head down until he passes me and lifts it up again.

I thought he was into me so I made a move and gave him my number and he looked genuinely happy with the same trademark teeth smile. Told him I would like to talk more. Now fast forward to now and although he hasn't reached out, he doesn't ignore me in the slightest. When he's passing by I look up and he's already looking at me ready to acknowledge me. This happens every day and if he doesn't see me all day, he makes an excuse to at least once. We've also said bye to each other. He still sighs as well around me. 

I told him I was switching shifts and we wouldn't see each other as often because he worked 1st shift. He then asked with puppy-like eyes, if I was still going to work in the office. My guess is to still see me around, but then again I could be wrong. 

He always seems happy to see me, so what's the deal here? What should I do?  Sorry for the long post, guys.

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, krystacherie30 said:

I thought he was into me so I made a move and gave him my number and he looked genuinely happy with the same trademark teeth smile. Told him I would like to talk more.

Maybe he doesn't want messy workplace romances or has a GF. Enjoy the fun interactions, but date outside of work. 

[krystacherie30]

He hasn't mentioned a GF to anyone, but you may be right about messy workplace romance. 

[krystacherie30]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Maybe he doesn't want messy workplace romances or has a GF. Enjoy the fun interactions, but date outside of work. 

Even if that is the case, it doesn't mean we can't be friends, right?

 

[SooSad33]

Yeah, is always best to AVOID getting involved with employee's.

Sooo often things end and makes it really awkward from then on 😕 

He does sound very shy/ insecure though.  I wouldn't suggest taking it any further than just a 'friend'.

He hardly talks or eye to eye.. is best for you to NOT get involved with someone so rough there.

[krystacherie30]

3 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Yeah, is always best to AVOID getting involved with employee's.

Sooo often things end and makes it really awkward from then on 😕 

He does sound very shy/ insecure though.  I wouldn't suggest taking it any further than just a 'friend'.

He hardly talks or eye to eye.. is best for you to NOT get involved with someone so rough there.

I know. It just sucks though because I wouldn't have met him at all if I didn't get rehired at my workplace. 😞

I understand though

[lostandhurt]

Workplace romance can get messy but if your shifts are different and you aren't tied to this job to much it may be worth the risk.  A lot of people meet at work or through work, heck we spend most of lives at work so chances are sooner or later you will meet someone you are really into.

This guy sounds super insecure around pretty women.  The sigh you hear was more than likely him seeing how cute you looked and thinking he will never have a shot with someone like you.  It wasn't a sigh of disappointment in how you looked, it was a sigh of disappointment in his chances with you. 

 Good on you for giving him your number.  Do you have his?  Before you give up on him why not ask him out for a drink, or coffee or whatever.  Women can ask men out, especially if the guy is super shy.

  From what you described he is really into you but locks up when he starts thinking about asking you out.  Help the guy out some more and ask him and see what happens.

  At least then you will know right?

 Lost

[Batya33]

I originally met my very reserved/shy husband at work but we didn't work together and worked on different floors of the large company.  So that's why it wasn't messy although we were completely discreet at work (people still new- saw us around the neighborhood after working hours, etc).  I would assume if you gave him the huge green light -which you did by giving him your number - and he hasn't called, for whatever reason he enjoys your chats but doesn't want to date you or chat outside of work .I'm sorry! Enjoy this as a casual work buddy.

[krystacherie30]

17 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

Workplace romance can get messy but if your shifts are different and you aren't tied to this job to much it may be worth the risk.  A lot of people meet at work or through work, heck we spend most of lives at work so chances are sooner or later you will meet someone you are really into.

This guy sounds super insecure around pretty women.  The sigh you hear was more than likely him seeing how cute you looked and thinking he will never have a shot with someone like you.  It wasn't a sigh of disappointment in how you looked, it was a sigh of disappointment in his chances with you. 

 Good on you for giving him your number.  Do you have his?  Before you give up on him why not ask him out for a drink, or coffee or whatever.  Women can ask men out, especially if the guy is super shy.

  From what you described he is really into you but locks up when he starts thinking about asking you out.  Help the guy out some more and ask him and see what happens.

  At least then you will know right?

 Lost

I don't have his number. He still stares and acknowledge me. He's also a type of person that keeps himself busy. I'm not sure what he thinks about me but all I can do is be patient for now.

A colleague has told me he's been through a lot in his life but didn't go into detail. 

[Batya33]

11 minutes ago, krystacherie30 said:

I don't have his number. He still stares and acknowledge me. He's also a type of person that keeps himself busy. I'm not sure what he thinks about me but all I can do is be patient for now.

A colleague has told me he's been through a lot in his life but didn't go into detail. 

He doesn't want to date you or isn't available to date you.  No need to think beyond that or to try to analyze him.  And please don't gossip with colleagues about him even if not "in detail".  He enjoys staring at you and acknowledging you.  You are ok with both.  That is what he is interested in doing.  That might change in the future but that's irrelevant -at present time that is the extent of how he wants to interact with you.  People move towards pleasure and away from pain. So he has chosen to keep his interactions with you to these two things because that is what pleases him most.  It really is that simple. 

No need to be patient -there is nothing to wait for.  If something changes you will know -the change you want is for him to ask you out.  You will know that right away because he will ask you out. So there's nothing for you to do.  My suggestion is to move on and put this entirely off your radar -meaning whether he is interested in dating you -he is not interested and/or not available.

[LoreliFinn]

He may like running into you but the interest appears minimal.  Also he does not look like a man who has terrific communication skills.  Shyness appears endearing.  In my experience it can also be a problem later on.  You never really know what they are thinking ... then one day they ghost you.

I'm not saying you shouldn't be interested in shy men or get to know them.  This one does not appear to show body language that he's totally emotionally available.  Him going through a lot in his life may explain it & he's all wrapped up with that.

You may end up being thus guy's therapist - is what I'm really getting at here.

 

 

[krystacherie30]

12 minutes ago, LoreliFinn said:

He may like running into you but the interest appears minimal.  Also he does not look like a man who has terrific communication skills.  Shyness appears endearing.  In my experience it can also be a problem later on.  You never really know what they are thinking ... then one day they ghost you.

I'm not saying you shouldn't be interested in shy men or get to know them.  This one does not appear to show body language that he's totally emotionally available.  Him going through a lot in his life may explain it & he's all wrapped up with that.

You may end up being thus guy's therapist - is what I'm really getting at here.

 

 

He communicates well with people he knows well, and I was told he is approachable -- which is somewhat true. He's also a private person and inexperienced in dating. Some of our conversations have been filled with awkward silence even though he is receptive and pays attention to what I say (so far as to putting his phone away as we speak). I totally get what you're saying though. 

[Batya33]

5 minutes ago, LoreliFinn said:

He may like running into you but the interest appears minimal.  Also he does not look like a man who has terrific communication skills.  Shyness appears endearing.  In my experience it can also be a problem later on.  You never really know what they are thinking ... then one day they ghost you.

I'm not saying you shouldn't be interested in shy men or get to know them.  This one does not appear to show body language that he's totally emotionally available.  Him going through a lot in his life may explain it & he's all wrapped up with that.

You may end up being thus guy's therapist - is what I'm really getting at here.

 

 

Shy men who want to date a woman choose the woman over fear.  They don't have to do anything fancy like show body language or be "totally emotionally available" -my husband -who I met at work -was terribly shy -he couldn't ask me out with body language of course.  So he had a cheerleading type conference call with his buddies to psyche him up to call me and ask me out for lunch.  We originally met October of 1994 and he asked me out July 1995 but between those times we only ran into each other a couple of times and spoke at those work events a couple of times.  After that I knew what he was thinking because people who are shy don't necessarily clam up when one on one -in fact many are far more comfortable that way.  When we got back together years after breaking up he'd overcome much of his shyness (no not with therapy- on his own)

So I disagree that his shyness is the issue -especially since he knows full well she's interested.

[Wiseman2]

54 minutes ago, krystacherie30 said:

I'm not sure what he thinks about me but all I can do is be patient for now.

It's unclear what you need to be "patient" for? He doesn't want to date you or chitchat. He has your number.

Leave him alone and date outside of work. Stop asking about him or gossiping about him. Be professional.

Sexual harassment goes both ways and the workplace is not a singles club or dating app.

[smackie9]

Ask him out for lunch or drinks after work. Sometimes a guy needs that kick in the pants to get things going.

[Thomasfeneto]

LiTSEN VERY CAREFULLY. I am this guy. I’m afraid to ask you out because: I think you’re out of my league or I’m deathly afraid of rejection or I’m still hurting from pass heartbreak (which is why he sighs sadly when seeing you) or all of the above. HE LIKES YOU- A LOT! I had a crush on a woman at work but literally froze when I thought about approaching her. At least he’s talking to you (believe me, he’s climbing Everest emotionally every time you two interact, meaning he’s actually being very brave and overcoming his fear to talk to you). Why doesn’t he call you? Because he’s afraid you won’t answer or that he’ll get tongue tied on the phone. We’re only awkward around people we’re strongly attracted to (I have no problems talking to women when I know there’s NO ATTRACTION whatsoever). You two are a match, your behaviours mirror each other (a little shyness, some awkwardness, strong attraction coupled with some fear cuz there’s still a possibility of rejection). You must ask him out, but keep it light and casual and give him a safety valve. Do this: “Hey, there’s this coffee shop/restaurant I want to check out, want to join me.... (pause), if you’re  too busy, I understand.” This way he can just say he’s busy instead of directly saying No (if he’s not interested) which is less awkward for both of you. DO NOT make the same mistake many people do and later regret what could’ve been. You two may agree to ignore each other at work so people don’t know you’re dating if that helps.

[abitbroken]

I am going to go with

1) You are analyzing every detail under a microscope and he actually is not into you.

2) He is and well, it really is not always a good idea to date someone outside of work.

I would stay on the side of caution. You made a move - now let him be.   Don't ask him out, don't try to dress just for him - just go to work and do work.  If you change shifts or whatever and he misses you, he will call -- or not.

Remember, anything outside of a yes is a no. 

 I don't think he is "sighing" like "oh, she's so dreamy".  I think he is just naturally exhaling and your infatuated self is getting carried away.

[abitbroken]

On 5/16/2021 at 11:58 AM, krystacherie30 said:

I don't have his number. He still stares and acknowledge me. He's also a type of person that keeps himself busy. I'm not sure what he thinks about me but all I can do is be patient for now.

A colleague has told me he's been through a lot in his life but didn't go into detail. 

I would HOPE he keeps himself busy at work.

[mical]

I agree with above and I think there are really 4 options here

1- has a gf

2- doesn't want workplace drama

3- he is just shy so giving him your number won't get him to contact you

4-not interested

 

Now if it is #3 that he is shy and awkward, then there's probably a 95% chance he won't be initiating and calling you. Probably best would be to add him to whatsapp and just write him hey and just have normal talk and see how things go..can ask to go meet up for lunch etc..

Anyways, dating at the workplace I don't recommend, especially if you are on the same team. I once dated a girl that sat beside me and when we broke up that was living hell. I had to sit beside her for another month while she would purposely flirt with the new guy at our table in front of me... ouch... luckily that's over with and learned my lesson..

 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, Thomasfeneto said:

. You must ask him out, but keep it light and casual and give him a safety valve. Do this: “Hey, there’s this coffee shop/restaurant I want to check out, want to join me.... (pause), if you’re  too busy, I understand.” 

I disagree that chasing down obviously uninterested people at work and worse, coddling socially awkward people as if babysitting is a good dating strategy.

He has her contact info.  No interest.

Why would anyone stalk and sexually harass a coworker?

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, mical said:

I agree with above and I think there are really 4 options here

1- has a gf

2- doesn't want workplace drama

3- he is just shy so giving him your number won't get him to contact you

4-not interested

 

Now if it is #3 that he is shy and awkward, then there's probably a 95% chance he won't be initiating and calling you. Probably best would be to add him to whatsapp and just write him hey and just have normal talk and see how things go..can ask to go meet up for lunch etc..

Anyways, dating at the workplace I don't recommend, especially if you are on the same team. I once dated a girl that sat beside me and when we broke up that was living hell. I had to sit beside her for another month while she would purposely flirt with the new guy at our table in front of me... ouch... luckily that's over with and learned my lesson..

 

 

 

I would refrain from adding a coworker on social media.  I have two Facebook friends who are coworkers. One is someone in another department, we meet for lunch pre-covid, we have no work related interactions.  Two is a coworker who, like me, loves fiction and even a particular type.  But the only reason I feel safe adding her is because my Facebook is squeaky clean/plain vanilla and she doesn't supervise me.  And I have a lot of respect for her/enough trust.  I really am not too familiar with Whatsapp but I think communicating via typing outside of work is playing with fire when one person is attracted to another, especially.

[mical]

Also agree with Batya33 after considering everything...It's probably best to just not try and force anything. He already has your number and maybe in future can arrange going out with coworkers for lunch or coffee and just talk. No need to push it to social media, calling, etc when you can talk right there in the office. So re-considering everything I'd probably just keep it friendly