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Should I just settle on this girl?


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So I'm in a positon where I'm into dating, but my search so far has been really frustrating. I've been trying online dating and apps, but all of those dates have gone quite poorly and I'm also really struggling with connecting with girls out in the real world.

The only girl whom I have a real shot at is this one girl who frequently comes shopping into the store that I work at. She typically comes in for coffee at our little shop and I've been thinking of asking her out, but a couple of weeks ago I got a warning from one of her friends (a coworker of mine) to not date this girl, citing her racism, entitlement, spoiled attitude, and stalker-ish behavior. Granted, I haven't experienced any of this behavior from this girl in person, I'm just going off of hearsay from her former friend.

I know that she comes off as a piece of work, but I've reached a point where I'm seriously thinking of just settling on her. She's my only option at this point and I don't know what else to do. She's really pretty and I think that I have a pretty good chance with her. I suppose I can excuse some of her behavior (if it's true) so long as she just makes for a good girlfriend. What do you think?

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I can see what the problem is in attracting women. Even if you're twenty-five, your immature mind-set shines through in your demeanor/aura/essence. Even if you don't say these things to a woman--that

Maybe she'd be the one settling. A desperate guy is no prize. Just saying.  And if you believe her so called friends' crappy reviews of her, but she demonstrated none of those behaviors, tha

Wow!   How lucky she is that you may choose her.  You sound like the one she should stay away from.   I cannot believe your ego!  Awful.  

Really?  The reviews of her by her friends are not good at all.  Are you that desperate that you'd settle for someone who doesn't seem to be a good person?  Surely you cant be that desperate that you'd do that!

Never ever settle.  Hang in there for someone you can actually like and enjoy being with.  Settling some someone who is not desirable isn't going to work anyway.

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Posted (edited)

Might be time to look internally.  Why do you think all your dates have gone poorly and you're having trouble connecting with girls in general?  

When you start looking at women/girls as people instead of "options" or "something you have a chance with" you might be surprised at how things turn around.

Edited by waffle
typo
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34 minutes ago, That36guy said:

 I got a warning from one of her friends (a coworker of mine)

She's really pretty and I think that I have a pretty good chance with her.

What makes you feel you have a shot at her? Is this coworker female?

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39 minutes ago, That36guy said:

I got a warning from one of her friends (a coworker of mine) to not date this girl, citing her racism, entitlement, spoiled attitude, and stalker-ish behavior. Granted, I haven't experienced any of this behavior from this girl in person, I'm just going off of hearsay from her former friend.

Of course you haven't... you haven't gotten anywhere past 'Hi'..lol

39 minutes ago, That36guy said:

I know that she comes off as a piece of work, but I've reached a point where I'm seriously thinking of just settling on her. She's my only option at this point and I don't know what else to do

Nothing like acting 'desperate' 😕 .. Seriously.. don't!  This just shows that YOU would accept anything! Give yourself some credit!

What even makes you think she 'favours' you?

41 minutes ago, That36guy said:

I suppose I can excuse some of her behavior (if it's true) so long as she just makes for a good girlfriend. What do you think?

If her behaviour is like that, she won't 'make a good gf'.

Be smart... and avoid the 'toxic'!  

Take some time and just enjoy being single, instead of jumping at the first one who 'looks pretty'. Especially when you've already been warned.

 

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49 minutes ago, That36guy said:

She's really pretty and I think that I have a pretty good chance with her. 

First you need to realize this "chance" to say you have to settle. 

Second, hearsay is hearsay, maybe it's true maybe it's not, it's for you to find out. 

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56 minutes ago, That36guy said:

She's my only option at this point

OP, do you realise how that sounds LOL, as in "anything will do at this point".

As SooSad remarked above.

"nothing like acting desperate". 

58 minutes ago, That36guy said:

all of those dates have gone quite poorly

Have you analyzed why YOU think those dates went poorly. 

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Maybe she'd be the one settling.

A desperate guy is no prize. Just saying. 

And if you believe her so called friends' crappy reviews of her, but she demonstrated none of those behaviors, that's also quite unfair on your part.

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You're an adult- you refer to her as a "girl" - is she a teenager? I mean sure sometimes peoples' impressions can be wrong but since your attitude from the get go is  that you'd be settling for her (and ironically your focus is on her looks and yet you're thinking she might judge people by the color of their skin) - then do her a favor and let her connect with people who see her as a special person if not a prize.

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35 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

What makes you feel you have a shot at her? Is this coworker female?

I feel like this girl genuinely does like me. Whenever she comes in, she always goes out of her way to wave at me, stop to briefly chat with me, or otherwise acknowledge me in some way.

And yes, this coworker is female.

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3 minutes ago, That36guy said:

Whenever she comes in, she always goes out of her way to wave at me, stop to briefly chat with me, or otherwise acknowledge me in some way.

That is called just being "friendly". 

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21 minutes ago, That36guy said:

And yes, this coworker is female.

is it possible she's catty/jealous? Who depicts their so-called "friend" as a complete psycho?

Edited by Wiseman2
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22 minutes ago, That36guy said:

I feel like this girl genuinely does like me. Whenever she comes in, she always goes out of her way to wave at me, stop to briefly chat with me, or otherwise acknowledge me in some way.

And yes, this coworker is female.

I think she's just being friendly -I see the same  people when I do takeout a few time a week now because of covid -they know my name of course and I am always friendly and appreciative -because I am, especially now.  I can't imagine the young guy I see most of the time would think of me as being anymore than a friendly customer.  I wouldn't chat because of social distancing but sure if it was appropriate I'd share an anecdote.  Same with certain of my neighbors and certain people I see in the park regularly as we exercise around the same time.  Just being friendly.  

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Don't always assume someone being friendly means they like you. As others have said, it might just be being friendly. Especially, where she's a regular. 

Also some people clam up around a person they like. 

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2 hours ago, That36guy said:

So I'm in a positon where I'm into dating, but my search so far has been really frustrating. I've been trying online dating and apps, but all of those dates have gone quite poorly and I'm also really struggling with connecting with girls out in the real world.

The only girl whom I have a real shot at is this one girl who frequently comes shopping into the store that I work at. She typically comes in for coffee at our little shop and I've been thinking of asking her out, but a couple of weeks ago I got a warning from one of her friends (a coworker of mine) to not date this girl, citing her racism, entitlement, spoiled attitude, and stalker-ish behavior. Granted, I haven't experienced any of this behavior from this girl in person, I'm just going off of hearsay from her former friend.

I know that she comes off as a piece of work, but I've reached a point where I'm seriously thinking of just settling on her. She's my only option at this point and I don't know what else to do. She's really pretty and I think that I have a pretty good chance with her. I suppose I can excuse some of her behavior (if it's true) so long as she just makes for a good girlfriend. What do you think?

Wow!   How lucky she is that you may choose her.  You sound like the one she should stay away from.   I cannot believe your ego!  Awful.  

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2 hours ago, That36guy said:

I feel like this girl genuinely does like me. Whenever she comes in, she always goes out of her way to wave at me, stop to briefly chat with me, or otherwise acknowledge me in some way.

Ok, unless she looks like the Pillsbury doughboy, ask her to go for coffee.

 

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You are getting way ahead of yourself, OP. 

You haven't even asked her out and you're already talking about settling for her? Dude, you don't even know if she is interested in you

 

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6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

is it possible she's catty/jealous? Who depicts their so-called "friend" as a complete psycho?

Here's a different spin on it:  These two girls sense he is interested in her.  But she is not interested in him. So they get the friend to tell him that she's a racist and a psycho nut job in the hope it puts him off.  Yeah I know this is a little out there, but that's the feeling I got, lol.

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You referred to the girl who told you the stuff about the one you're interested as her friend, then as her former friend.  If she's a former friend then I'd take what she's said about her with a pinch of salt.  Ultimately that's one person's opinion, based on her experiences.  You should make my own mind up rather than taking someone who may have an agenda at face value.

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On 5/15/2021 at 9:48 AM, Wiseman2 said:

is it possible she's catty/jealous? Who depicts their so-called "friend" as a complete psycho?

I highly doubt that she's jealous and interested in me. She's married, so...

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Please don’t be so desperate that you play “Eenie, meenie, Minnie, mo....okay I chose you.” I mean work more on yourself and stay single until the right girl comes along. What difference would it make being single and available for Mrs. right or being taken by Ms. Right now and unavailable for the right one?

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28 minutes ago, limichelle said:

Please don’t be so desperate that you play “Eenie, meenie, Minnie, mo....okay I chose you.” I mean work more on yourself and stay single until the right girl comes along. What difference would it make being single and available for Mrs. right or being taken by Ms. Right now and unavailable for the right one?

I've been working on myself and staying single my whole life. I'm 25 years old and I've never so much as held a girl's hand. I'm done waiting.

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1 minute ago, That36guy said:

I've been working on myself and staying single my whole life. I'm 25 years old and I've never so much as held a girl's hand. I'm done waiting.

But it's not about "ok I'm done waiting" - you can feel frustrated and not settle or not tell yourself it's ok to settle.  It's not.  And it's unfair to the other person unless it's a marriage of convenience and she is settling for you, too.  Not everyone gets to meet their match and most certainly you're not entitled to meet your match just because you've been single your whole life or spent ___ years looking.  I never felt entitled and I married at 42.  I felt fortunate that I became the right person to meet the right person because one reason I didn't was I got in my own way.  Other reasons were luck and timing.  If you are 25 and have never held a girl's hand you have to ask yourself why - you have to be bluntly honest with yourself about whether you are getting in your own way.  If you ask out this woman (she is not a girl, she's an adult) you'll still be waiting.  Because it doesn't count to ask someone out because you're settling.  It doesn't count because you're not putting your heart into it, you're not risking your emotions when you settle.  You're just going through the motions.  So you'll still be waiting for a real relationship.

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I completely agree with everything Batya said!

OP: You’re still young, it’s not as if you’re 95. Even then I wouldn’t tell you to settle. Settling is never a good option, it’s better to be single then just with someone for you to no longer be alone. I bet you if you do settle you’ll feel lonely. Because being alone and loneliness are separate from each other. If you think about it.

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13 minutes ago, limichelle said:

I completely agree with everything Batya said!

OP: You’re still young, it’s not as if you’re 95. Even then I wouldn’t tell you to settle. Settling is never a good option, it’s better to be single then just with someone for you to no longer be alone. I bet you if you do settle you’ll feel lonely. Because being alone and loneliness are separate from each other. If you think about it.

Since when is 25 young? My body is going to start breaking down once I reach my 30's and I'm simply not going to have the stamina or energy that someone in their 20's has. I've always heard that your early twenties are the best times of one's life and I'm past those years. My life is over a quarter of the way over (assuming that I don't live to a full 100 years obviously) and I need to act now.

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