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I don’t get my sister sometimes. We are extremely close, but sometimes we don’t see eye to eye. Whenever we get in an argument or disagreement, she insults me and my character. For example: there would be miscommunication and she would insult me by saying “well you should have listened in the first place” or “that’s why you’re failing at _____”. I am confused because what does me failing at something have to do with our miscommunication??? I am not sure if she is trying to upset me but I’ve had it with her. Then shes the one who gets mad and stays quiet, ignoring me for hours or the rest of the day. Mind you, she’s almost 29 years old acting like this. I am younger than her. Sometimes, I don’t like to get on her bad side because she would act like this. I do tell her that she needs to stop behaving like this and communicate better. I am tired of being nice and trying to break the ice to get her to talk and be in a better mood. Who stays mad for hours over something so little??? She “brags” to me that whenever she gets mad at me about anything that she blocks my number for hours and that I am the only person she ever blocks. And when she feels that she “forgives” me or is over the situation, then she will unblock me. She says it like it’s an accomplishment to her sometimes, but in the back of my mind I’m like “are you f—ing serious??!! How can we have a better relationship if she feels like she can’t express herself in a gentler way to her own sister? I don’t insult her back because the last time I did, we got into a physical fight and I have been working on controlling my anger and to not regret what I say in the heat of the moment. She’s always been this way and I don’t think she’ll ever change, sadly. My thoughts is to just distance myself from her.

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1 hour ago, Blckbttrfly said:

 shes the one who gets mad and stays quiet, ignoring me for hours or the rest of the day. 

 Some distance, de-escalating like this, space, time out,etc., are all good things you should be doing as well.

Develop better boundaries, focus more on friends, other family, your work, etc.

If a discussion isn't going well, do what she does and terminate the conversation, then take some space to relax, reflect and regroup.

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8 hours ago, Blckbttrfly said:

I do tell her that she needs to stop behaving like this and communicate better. I am tired of being nice and trying to break the ice to get her to talk and be in a better mood. Who stays mad for hours over something so little??? She “brags” to me that whenever she gets mad at me about anything that she blocks my number for hours and that I am the only person she ever blocks. And when she feels that she “forgives” me or is over the situation, then she will unblock me.

Immaturity at it's best- is like YOU want to say grow up? 😕 

Can't imagine her in a relationship...

Just don't tend to her behaviour.. Yes, remain at a distance... less interaction, the better, especially if it's affecting you.

I have a few sisters.. one was quite toxic.. we ended up just avoiding each other.. to nowadays, nothing.  She speaks to no one and has moved far away.. Is kinda sad, but it her own behaviour towards others, which has caused this...

i am over it though.  I don't need it.

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Your thoughts to distance yourself are spot on.

Your sister is how she is and there is not much you can do about that. When it comes to disagreements, she doesn't seek to resolve, she seeks to fight dirty and hit below the belt by any means available. Of course you can't make sense of it if you are seeking to resolve something. Since it's a toxic behavior she is proud of, she isn't going to change it, so all you can do is step away and out of the line of fire.

Sometimes space and distance leads to better overall relationships with family. You might be less close in terms of contact and sharing life, but you will have a healthier relationship in terms of less strife and fighting. A net win for you both.

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9 hours ago, Blckbttrfly said:

I don’t get my sister sometimes. We are extremely close, but sometimes we don’t see eye to eye. Whenever we get in an argument or disagreement, she insults me and my character. For example: there would be miscommunication and she would insult me by saying “well you should have listened in the first place” or “that’s why you’re failing at _____”. I am confused because what does me failing at something have to do with our miscommunication??? I am not sure if she is trying to upset me but I’ve had it with her. Then shes the one who gets mad and stays quiet, ignoring me for hours or the rest of the day. Mind you, she’s almost 29 years old acting like this. I am younger than her. Sometimes, I don’t like to get on her bad side because she would act like this. I do tell her that she needs to stop behaving like this and communicate better. I am tired of being nice and trying to break the ice to get her to talk and be in a better mood. Who stays mad for hours over something so little??? She “brags” to me that whenever she gets mad at me about anything that she blocks my number for hours and that I am the only person she ever blocks. And when she feels that she “forgives” me or is over the situation, then she will unblock me. She says it like it’s an accomplishment to her sometimes, but in the back of my mind I’m like “are you f—ing serious??!! How can we have a better relationship if she feels like she can’t express herself in a gentler way to her own sister? I don’t insult her back because the last time I did, we got into a physical fight and I have been working on controlling my anger and to not regret what I say in the heat of the moment. She’s always been this way and I don’t think she’ll ever change, sadly. My thoughts is to just distance myself from her.

The sad part about this is that the individuals who act out the most are usually experiencing the most distress in their personal lives.

I agree - distance yourself pronto. Make no exceptions unless it's a life/death situation. I think your desire to have a closer bond with your sister is also putting pressure on the relationship. She senses you are needy and she takes advantage of you. 

Practice and even keel and distance yourself. Put more stock into your other relationships/friendships. Practice kindness. Don't reciprocate bad behaviour.

When she realizes that she gets no response from you she'll have to find another outlet for her personal issues and eventually face them head on. You are not her therapist. Don't stand in the line of fire. I'm sorry this is happening. Take care of your own mental health and good on you for recognizing how angry you can get when people push you like that. Find a safe outlet and focus on your other friendships. Re-channel all that energy elsewhere, somewhere more productive. 

The relationship will only improve if she responds to you with respect and kindness. Don't expect anything less and continue to practice your own values.

 

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I hate to say it, but sometimes it takes two to tango.  Your sister is not reacting in a vacuum.  This may be left over sibling rivalry.  I think I function reasonably well in life and according to coworkers and friends, they all find me more than highly competent, but I have one sibling where the way they react to me you would think that I am incapable of basic adulting.   I have a feeling that there is some sort of dynamic you are also playing along with -- where she reacts one way, you react to it predictably the same all the time and then she reacts to that.  She is likely not like this with other people and you are likely not like this either. So figure out your part in the round and around is. 

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On 5/14/2021 at 12:26 AM, Blckbttrfly said:

 

Try NOT to be extremely close which is your mistake.  I was once you with my younger sister.  She is emotionally immature and lacks emotional intelligence.  Google "emotional intelligence."

Your sister is gaslighting you.  Google "gaslighting."  Gaslighting is when the other person tries to change your perception of the facts, deflects and labels you as the crazy one.  Then you're left wondering that perhaps you should believe their gaslighting.  It's the oldest trick in the book.  My sister is a master at gaslighting.  I didn't know it for the longest time but I've since gotten with the program.  I'm out, nowhere to be seen nor found and I like it!  (I'm only with my local relatives and in-laws for major holidays and rare, special occasions such as gatherings or reunions.  Other than the bare minimum, do NOT bother me!)  😡

You can have a better relationship with your sister by backing off, becoming cool and not so emotionally invested in her anymore.  Learn to enforce healthy boundaries with her. 

You are smart by controlling your anger and refraining from insults.  No sense partaking in another war.  You can't control others but you can control yourself.  Cool your jets, regroup mentally and change your dynamics with her.  Learn to become more distant, frostily polite and well mannered.  This is what I do with questionable and despicable characters in my life. 

You are correct by distancing yourself from her.  There is a way to remain respectful and polite yet keep a safe distance.  Never engage with mentally ill people.  Learn to stay away and if you must engage, keep it infrequent and extremely brief.

Don't make yourself readily and conveniently available to people who will use you as their verbal punching bag. 

You are correct, people won't change.  They are who they are.  Accept who they are but it doesn't mean you have to endure and tolerate their bad behavior towards you. 

Whenever anyone is a red flag to me, I learn to stay away.  It does wonders for your soul to be in control and protect yourself always. 

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