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Depressed


AvaD21

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Hello,

I feel really depressed and in a hole at the moment. My mother passed away a year ago of cancer at age 57.

I am still living at home and probably didn’t take a chance to move out when I could, because of my mother’s cancer.

she died in March of last year and things between me & my dad weren’t the best, not helped by lockdown & being around each other all the time.

He wound up getting into a relationship with a woman 6 months after my mother died & I felt livid by this. I felt it was disrespectful to their 35 year marriage he could move on so quick. He lied about it but I knew it was going on. He found out I knew when the woman he was seeing, tried to message me on FB after they’d had an argument. She wound up being extremely mentally disturbed & tried to have me arrested after an argument whereby she disrespected my mother. 
 

we’ve moved past that but I don’t have a lot of respect for my dad now. We don’t have a great relationship & I feel he’s just short tempered & never nice to me now.

I’m in debt and can’t afford to move out alone. There is money set aside for me from my mother but it was intended for when I bought a house. 
 

My dad is now talking about wanting to try and get another woman and it’s not that I don’t want him to move on and be happy but it’s only been a year since my mother died & it makes me respect him even less that that’s what his priority is.

I just really feel like I’m in a hole at the moment. I’ve lived in this house my whole life and I would do anything to get out.

I think about how I’ve been brought up in a stable home and since my mother died, I feel like I have absolutely nobody in the world.

I don’t know what advice anyone can even give, it just helps to say it

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The advice is really rather simple. Please seek out some help with your grief about your loss and stop taking it out on your father.

He is allowed to grieve in his own ways and him seeking companionship does not diminish your mother's legacy by any means. This is something you are projecting onto him unfairly due to your own unprocessed grief and sense of loss.

Grief counselors exist precisely for these types of situations, so that you don't take it out and lash out at those close to you and learn how to process YOUR own grief better so you can eventually heal without destroying your relationships.

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53 minutes ago, AvaD21 said:

There is money set aside for me from my mother but it was intended for when I bought a house. 

Normally the spouse inherits everything, if there is no will. However ask to see a copy of your mother's will and life insurance policies..

Is this money in a trust? How can it specify "to buy a house"?

Your father is grieving and making some poor choices, but there's not much you can do about that. You are both going through the "angry stage" of grieving.

What you can do is talk to trusted relatives and friends and most of all look up some grief support  groups and therapy to unpack and sort all that out. 

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