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My ex and I were together for 3 and a half years (we are 22 now). Back in October she cheated me with a guy she had been working with. We maintained contact for the next 3 months after the breakup, but her confusion and wishy-washiness (between me and the new guy) was killing me so I asked her not to contact me anymore and went NC. I really wanted to forgive her at that moment but we all know it takes two to tango.

Going forward its already been 3 and a half months of NC. I'm feeling better than ever, I've been hitting the gym, meeting new people and doing the things I love. I also recently met a girl with who i have a fwb relationship (we both agreed that we didn't want anything serious) and I don't see it becoming anything more. Nevertheless I've recently been thinking about my ex. I'm suspicious that she is no longer seeing the new guy because he's been posting a lot of things with another girl, and my ex has become slightly active in social media (she never posted anything before).

I just don't know, on one hand, I've been thinking about texting her just to catch up and know how she's doing. She's always been a super nice person, even after what happened and nowadays I don't wish her bad. I'm also genuinely curious about what happened with the guy she cheated me with to be honest lol. On the other hand, I also think that i shouldn't text her after this NC period for my pride, I feel like it should be her who contacts me first to fix the things between us. Somehow, knowing her very well for a long time, I feel like she's respecting my wish not to get contacted. On my birthday she even congratulated me saying that she was making an exception because i told her not to text me.

I just don't know, all your comments are appreciated!

Thanks

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8 minutes ago, zzzeb said:

in October she cheated me

Sorry this happened. Rather than communicate with an ex, especially a cheater, delete and block her from all your social media and messaging apps..

Is this the same woman?:

 

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2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. Rather than communicate with an ex, especially a cheater, delete and block her from all your social media and messaging apps..

Is this the same woman?:

 

It is. I was reading the post before and damn, time really heals.

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Posted (edited)

If you're still considering reconciling I don't know if you're "healed".

Why do you want to reconcile with someone who cheated on you and then tried to keep you on the back burner while she dated someone else?  Is it an ego thing where you want to prove you're "better" than the guy she cheated on you with?

Edited by boltnrun
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3 hours ago, zzzeb said:

I just don't know, on one hand, I've been thinking about texting her just to catch up

I suggest you don't!  This can very well pull you back down again 😕 .

You have gotten this far without.. contact.  Keep going.

You are obviously not over her yet.. If you are still curious.  You don't want that pressure hitting again.

No matter what she is up to... you both should keep moving forward.. Let this pass.

3 hours ago, zzzeb said:

I'm also genuinely curious about what happened with the guy she cheated me with to be honest lol. On the other hand, I also think that i shouldn't text her after this NC period for my pride, I feel like it should be her who contacts me first to fix the things between us

No. Do not expect this.  She has moved on.. SHE cheated on you.

Let it all go.. keep going forward.  What's done is done.

 

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Keep the door shut. You're in an unfulfilling relationship (fwb) and bored. Don't backtrack to someone you can't trust. She cheated on you. What more do you need to move forwards? 

If she keeps popping up on your social media and you don't appreciate her bday texts, mute her contact or block it. Both of you are young. Go and have the time of your life dating and meeting others. Don't settle for so little on constant repeat. 

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this is what I read.. Im doing great and I want to let my X know that if we get back together she doesnt have to cheat on me anymore. 

I know in your mind you have already played an imaginary conversation(s) on what would happen if you contact her. You have played the scenario that if she is available because it didnt work out, you would suggest going out and seeing if there is a chance between you two. Please tell me you havent thought of it. 

Did you ever imagine the dark other side to your imaginary conversations? You call her up, pretending to be a friend and lie and tell her that you are over the relationship and she goes on to tell you that she met someone else and this guy is the man of her dreams. The sex is great, he treats her right, she is happier than she has ever been. Oh BTW how are you doing? 

Are you prepared for that type of conversation? Someone on here posted a great saying. If you get emotional if your X tells you about a new partner, you are not over them. If you can tell your X, lll help you find you a new partner. Then you are over them. Which side of the fence are you on?

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Hey, thanks to all your comments. I see all your points and I think you are all right. I never thought letting go would be so hard. I know she chose to cheat on me and leave, and despite that, its like i've been unable to hate her and somehow, against my rational mind, she still holds a place in my heart.

Its true that im feeling much much better, the pain is slowly gone, but, being an overthinker, all the good memories and the what ifs keep coming back from time to time.

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I have to echo what other posters have said.  Do NOT open the channels of communication with this girl.  Put your curiosity to the side regarding what happened with the other guy.  What purpose would it serve??  Think about that.  

She cheated on you.  Not good at all.  Continue your NC and you'll see that, with time, healing will occur and you will be able to get fully get on with your life.  BTW, I am sorry that this happened to you.  Keep your head high, block her and be good to yourself.  

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On 5/14/2021 at 6:16 AM, zzzeb said:

Its true that im feeling much much better, the pain is slowly gone, but, being an overthinker, all the good memories and the what ifs keep coming back from time to time.

The pain will come back full force if you open that door back up. Stay the course. The impulse to contact her will fade, just like the pain. It will even stop being a sad thing.

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