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Brother/wife don't get along with sister's boyfriend


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My husband has an older brother and a younger sister. The brother and his wife do not get along with sisters boyfriend. Due to disagreements over covid/restrictions/politics, the brother and wife refuse to be around the boyfriend. Now that covid restrictions are easing, brother and wife want to host a dinner at their house - inviting grandparents, parents, us, and sister. Boyfriend is specifically not invited. So sister is also not going.

I think it's their house, they are allowed to invite/not invite who they want but shouldn't be surprised if sister doesn't go. Husband wants to also not go because he thinks no one should be excluded, that by going shows we are okay with excluding boyfriend. I think this would make the tension between brother/wife and boyfriend worse. 

Husband and I have previously talked with brother and wife that they need to try to get along with boyfriend, especially since he is planning to propose soon. They don't have to be friends with boyfriend but need to be civil during family dinners and events.

Should husband and I not attend to show not okay with exclusion? Should we go but share our disappointment about the exclusion?
Any advice would be welcome.

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5 hours ago, Cutecarrots321 said:

Husband and I have previously talked with brother and wife that they need to try to get along with boyfriend, 

What is their objection to the BF? 

Actually, they don't "have to get along". It's their business to like whoever they wish.

All you have to do is respect your sister-in-law's choices.

If your in-laws don't like him, just stay out of it.

It's unclear why you are taking on this family feud and making it a marital conflict.

What is the story behind that?

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Posted (edited)

I would defer to my husband. For a few reasons...

1. it's his actual family, you are the spouse and should be a united front to the family. If it were your siblings, he should do the same. 

2. Why are you so dug in? Voice your opinion to him but don't wreck your marriage over a problem and a fight that you have no stake in.

Which leads to...

3. People will fight, be petty, etc. stay out of it. They'll make up and still be mad at you. 

This is especially true of siblings. Do you have siblings? If you are fighting with one, do you want your hubs going against you? 

 

Edited by Lambert
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4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

What is their objection to the BF? 

It's unclear why you are taking on this family feud and making it a marital conflict.

What is the story behind that?

Their objection is 90% political - Trump vs Biden and ~10% holding grudges about past arguments. 

I guess I feel that there is more at stake? It does seem pretty selfish thinking about it overall. Thank you for making me aware. I guess I just want one big happy family again. Also, I feel the reasoning behind the conflict is not justified, people can have different politics and still get along. I am on neithers political side but we still get along.

Pre-covid we had girls nights with sister and brother's wife. We also had weekly family dinners. Now brother and wife are very vocal on their disapproval of sister's boyfriend. They refuse to be around him (so no family dinners anymore) and this whole thing has upset sister (so no girls night).

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2 minutes ago, Cutecarrots321 said:

Their objection is 90% political - Trump vs Biden and ~10% holding grudges about past arguments. 

I guess I feel that there is more at stake? It does seem pretty selfish thinking about it overall. Thank you for making me aware. I guess I just want one big happy family again. Also, I feel the reasoning behind the conflict is not justified, people can have different politics and still get along. I am on neithers political side but we still get along.

Pre-covid we had girls nights with sister and brother's wife. We also had weekly family dinners. Now brother and wife are very vocal on their disapproval of sister's boyfriend. They refuse to be around him (so no family dinners anymore) and this whole thing has upset sister (so no girls night).

Well , I guess they are determined to cause a family fight but you don’t have to be part of it. 

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I dunno, I am old fashioned with that and think its dumb not to invite your own sister(or even say "come but dont bring along boyfriend) to a family dinner thing no matter if you agree with her choice of boyfriend/future husband. I mean OK, its their thing but kinda dumb. If husband doesnt want to go, dont go, its their family thing, they need to work that out. 

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37 minutes ago, Cutecarrots321 said:

Their objection is 90% political. They refuse to be around him 

That's ok. Spend more time with your own family and friends (rather than in-laws all the time). Leave them to their own views and feuds, rather than contaminating your marriage with their issues. 

 

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Cutecarrots321 said:

Their objection is 90% political - Trump vs Biden and ~10% holding grudges about past arguments. 

I guess I feel that there is more at stake? It does seem pretty selfish thinking about it overall. Thank you for making me aware. I guess I just want one big happy family again. Also, I feel the reasoning behind the conflict is not justified, people can have different politics and still get along. I am on neithers political side but we still get along.

Pre-covid we had girls nights with sister and brother's wife. We also had weekly family dinners. Now brother and wife are very vocal on their disapproval of sister's boyfriend. They refuse to be around him (so no family dinners anymore) and this whole thing has upset sister (so no girls night).

Who is the Trump supporter?  How anyone can get so passionate over any one candidate is beyond me.   

Look at this: https://nypost.com/2021/05/05/ny-man-sues-town-for-forcing-removal-of-pro-trump-pro-cop-flags/

Edited by Hollyj
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