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Should I text my ex whom I ended on bad terms with?


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Hey everyone. 
we broke up in August due to my withholding of affection and overall being a terrible boyfriend. 
it was a bad breakup really tough on both of us. We both cried, and she told me “I don’t want to do this, but there’s better people out there for us. This just isn’t working”

we were constantly fighting and honestly both miserable due to lack of communication. 
i ***ed up and begged for her back and got labeled as manipulative. 
I just want to text her to see how she’s doing. I hate how things ended. Yeah, I’d get back with her. But I hate this feeling of her hating me. It just feels so terrible. 

I want to text her this;

Hey I know things between us are really not amicable and honestly probably weird. I just wanted to say I hope you’re doing good! I still think about you and genuinely wish the best for you. It would be really nice to hear from you. I hope this text finds you well!

She would constantly make me feel bad about myself whenever we would fight and try to tear my character down. She would constantly try to make whatever I say about her and hurt her. Ex. I told my cousin going to community college wasn’t a bad idea, you save money, plus most university students just go to party. She took that as me attacking her for going to a university. 

I’ve certainly improved. I haven’t contacted her in 6 months just to focus on myself (for myself not for her) and have realized how to have a genuine, loving, honest relationship and how to communicate which I believe was the stem of why things didn’t work out. 

We both were very immature. I’ve spent countless hours researching avoidant love styles. (That’s mine) as well as how to properly communicate with a partner and quit gaslighting. 

I’m literally a completely different person. My coworkers have even commented on it. 

good idea or a bad idea? Thanks!

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Posted (edited)

Bad idea.  You are not compatible.  I think you should move on!

Nothing will be different in the relationship!   "She would constantly make me feel bad about myself whenever we would fight and try to tear my character down. She would constantly try to make whatever I say about her and hurt her. Ex. I told my cousin going to community college wasn’t a bad idea, you save money, plus most university students just go to party. She took that as me attacking her for going to a university. "   What about this do you want to return to?  

Edited by Hollyj
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Just now, Hollyj said:

Bad idea.  You are not compatible.  I think you should move on!

Nothing will be different in the relationship!   "She would constantly make me feel bad about myself whenever we would fight and try to tear my character down. She would constantly try to make whatever I say about her and hurt her. Ex. I told my cousin going to community college wasn’t a bad idea, you save money, plus most university students just go to party. She took that as me attacking her for going to a university. "   What about this do you wan to return to?  

Well, to be quite honest. My new job is literally the building next to hers. There’s bound to be an awkward run-in, or 500. I’d much prefer that were able to not feel like *** while we’re at work. At the minimum I want it to be somewhat normal. 
 

and I’m big on second chances. I don’t know. Things just ended soo poorly that I quite honestly wish we could just put it behind us. If we date, great. If not, I can get some of my sanity back!

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Posted (edited)

It doesn't change my position.

 Honestly, I do not know why you would want to return to someone who was so disrespectful and insecure.   What attracts you to this dynamic, unless you like people who do not treat you properly?  

Say hello in passing, that is all that is necessary.

Edited by Hollyj
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4 hours ago, Html4lffy said:

This just isn’t working”

we were constantly fighting and honestly both miserable due to lack of communication. 
i ***ed up and begged for her back and got labeled as manipulative. 

 

4 hours ago, Html4lffy said:

She would constantly make me feel bad about myself whenever we would fight and try to tear my character down. She would constantly try to make whatever I say about her and hurt her.

You two just weren't compatible... See how she went at you.. than you had many of your own issue's?

Like she said..."This just isn't working". 

Now, YOU have to work on accepting this and move on.

 

4 hours ago, Html4lffy said:

I’ve certainly improved. I haven’t contacted her in 6 months just to focus on myself (for myself not for her) and have realized how to have a genuine, loving, honest relationship and how to communicate which I believe was the stem of why things didn’t work out. 

That's good.. but does not mean you need to reach out again.. Has been 6 months now.. keep going.

I'm sure she knows you "think of her".

 

You have spent hours researching, good stuff.. always good to learn, but that doesn't mean you will change, or are all better now.... I think that's more for your working on 'self' in other ways... (and on your own).

Maybe you have deep rooted issue's causing this?  Maybe you need some prof help to deal with it all, so it won't carry on to the next relationship?

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7 hours ago, Html4lffy said:

She would constantly make me feel bad about myself whenever we would fight and try to tear my character down. She would constantly try to make whatever I say about her and hurt her. Ex. I told my cousin going to community college wasn’t a bad idea, you save money, plus most university students just go to party. She took that as me attacking her for going to a university. 

I see zero reason to try to make ammends with someone like this. 

If you bump into her while you're at work, just be polite but keep moving. 

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12 hours ago, Html4lffy said:

Im literally a completely different person. 

good idea or a bad idea? 

Agree, just move forward. There's no point closing the barn doors after the horses are gone.

If you feel you have improved yourself, apply that to new dating situations.

Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting women.

Backpedaling is never a good idea. Write the letter, take it to the therapist to discuss it, but don't send it to this ex.

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Bad idea. My perspective: the last thing I would want is an ex contacting me out of the blue to "see how I was doing" I would have said NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. It's only going to p^&$ her off and probably bring up those awful feelings during the breakup...who wants revisit that? right? It's over, move on to bigger and better things.

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 5/13/2021 at 1:16 AM, Html4lffy said:

She would constantly make me feel bad about myself whenever we would fight and try to tear my character down

That's enough to move on I think. Least give it time see if she changes or at least respects you more.

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Send her this:

"Hi ___________,   I got a new job in the building right next to where you work. I didn't want it to be a  surprise if we run into each other.  I hope you are doing well"

That is it, nothing more.

 

Lost

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