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Should I tell her or not???


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4 hours ago, MonaLisa95 said:

That being said, it’s different if she knows that he’s been flirting with her FRIEND as opposed to some random chicks she doesn’t know.

I don't see why.... Unless you're flirting with him now, or after they got together? 

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22 hours ago, Jibralta said:

see why.... Unless you're flirting with him now, or after they got together? 

That’s the point! I don’t know when they were “together” they’ve been messing around for years. She’s only just revealed to me recently that they’re serious.

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Posted (edited)
5 minutes ago, MonaLisa95 said:

That’s the point! I don’t know when they were “together” they’ve been messing around for years. She’s only just revealed to me recently that they’re serious.

If that's the case, then she knows what she is doing.....even if it's not good for her. Point is that you can't save her from herself. She will do with him what she wants. It's none of your business really.

As a friend, all you can do is be there for her if this ever blows up in her face. It might, but it also might not. Still...not something you control or have any say in. This is a situation where you need to choose to be neutral about her life and her relationship choices and only offer advice if asked. Since she told you what she is doing, all you can do is say, "happy for you" and then focus on your own life because she wasn't asking for advice, she was telling you what she is doing and that is it.

Edited by DancingFool
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9 hours ago, MonaLisa95 said:

That’s the point! I don’t know when they were “together” they’ve been messing around for years. She’s only just revealed to me recently that they’re serious.

It doesn't sound as though you're that close to her either, thoughm if you don't know how long they've actually been together. 

I think you're making a big deal out of nothing. 

 

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"Messing around" isn't a committed relationship.  Both of them were free to flirt with whomever they wanted.

I don't get why you want to interfere and attempt to insert yourself into their relationship.  Is it some kind of competitive thing where you want her to know he finds you attractive too?

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Posted (edited)

I wouldn't because even if he flirted with you while he was dating her it's just flirting and they likely weren't serious. I've been in situations where I had harmful information about the guy in question.  In one case my friend went on a few dates with someone who was still dating another friend of mine exclusively and who was lying on Eharmony.  Where they met.  I told her.  She thanked me.  And he got kicked off Eharmony. 

By contrast, my friend told me that my ex boyfriend - we were then dating again, potentially reconciling - and my friend knew we'd been seeing each other a bit - was dating someone in their theater group.  Thing is I knew this already -that he was dating someone else too (as was I) I just didn't know she was in the theater group and did not want to know.  What upset me a lot was she told me because she wanted permission to be friends with this girl . That was her motive, not looking out for me.  

So - motive matters a lot - and you have to balance the risk of upsetting the person vs. the benefit -to your friend -not about you getting it off your chest.  If you had harmful information about him that she didn't know and should know then yes.  Otherwise really -who cares who you dated in middle school or who you sometimes flirt with?  

Edited by Batya33
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