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Hey guyyssss! You guys were so helpful on my last post, I just wanted to seek some advice on another situation. Most would say this is a very petty situation lol but I’m just an overthinker. 

So my friend (of 6 years) revealed to me recently that her and this guy is becoming serious and she possibly wants to be with him permanently. Great right?! Well, the guy in question is someone I went to school with a long time ago (middle school) and we were in a relationship. It was obviously nothing serious but he has private messaged me on social media a few times over the years but again, nothing serious. We haven’t really talked in a couple of years. 

I know some of you may be thinking “omg girl, that was so long ago, who cares?!?” Maybe I’m just really in my head about it because apart of me feels weird even though this was WAY before her and him. I guess it’s because we’ve flirted a bit over the years, but like I said, nothing serious. We haven’t even seen eachother in years. But it just feels awkward knowing that and then her saying that she loves him and they’re getting serious. So please tell me if I’m overthinking or I should definitely tell her. A part of me is like “why tell her? It’s not significant” but then again I’m thinking “well maybe she needs to know.” Help!

P.S. NO I do not have feelings for him whatsoever. We haven’t spoken or seen one another in years! And even when we did, it wasn’t serious at all. Really just puppy love. And I’m extremely happy that she’s happy. I just want to be a good friend, and not seem “shady” in the end.

 

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29 minutes ago, melancholy123 said:

What's to be gained by telling her?  I see no reason to tell her since you and he were so very young at the time.

I completely agree! But it’s like I was torn between the two. It seems really petty and insignificant but once I get in my own head, I start to think maybe I should tell her.

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Middle school?  Really?

This happened when you were what, 12 or 13?

No, you do not need to tell her because there's nothing to tell.

Are you perhaps feeling a tiny bit jealous that she's found love?

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Maybe he'd just flirt with you in between women?

Either way, I say leave it alone.  This is their time.

IF he does it again any time soon & you know that they're still together, then maybe inform her.

 

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2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Are you perhaps feeling a tiny bit jealous that she's found love?

Definitely not jealous. Actually very happy for her! I just don’t want to seem like I was withholding that because even though it may seem insignificant to some, she may think it matters.

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Posted (edited)

You are completely over-thinking this. 

You haven't spoken to this guy in years. It's clear he is not interested in you and not being "shady." Neither are you. It was middle school, OP. That doesn't even count as a relationship. Even if there was a little intermittent flirting, it's been ages since then. 

There is literally nothing to reveal here. That would create totally unnecessary drama. 

Edited by MissCanuck
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1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

There is literally nothing to reveal here. That would create totally unnecessary drama. 

Agree. I'm sure she is aware that he has had girlfriends in the past, and that once upon a time he flirted with other girls. 

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6 hours ago, MonaLisa95 said:

 my friend of  revealed to me recently that her and this guy is becoming serious and she possibly wants to be with him permanently

She's just talking. She doesn't have a crystal ball and no one knows if it will be "permanent". 

How old is she? It's quite naive to think because there's a long road from dating to "permanent" as well as this being a mutual, not just her decision.

Stay out of it and focus on your own BF and relationship. She seems smitten but young and inexperienced.

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I bet if you did end up telling her she'd either laugh about how silly it is for you to worry about something that happened when you were 12 or she'd look at you incredulously wondering why you would even think this is a thing she needs to know about. Or she might think you're trying to sabotage her relationship because you're jealous.

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46 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Or she might think you're trying to sabotage her relationship because you're jealous.

This is definitely something that crossed my mind! I surely wouldn’t want her to think I’m jealous at all because I’m not. 

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8 hours ago, Jibralta said:

Agree. I'm sure she is aware that he has had girlfriends in the past, and that once upon a time he flirted with other girls. 

Yes he definitely flirted with other girls. He’s always been the “player” type and I’ve never known him to only date one women. That being said, it’s different if she knows that he’s been flirting with her FRIEND as opposed to some random chicks she doesn’t know.

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7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

How old is she? It's quite naive to think because there's a long road

She’s 30. They didn’t just meet. We’ve all known eachother for years. But him and I knew eachother first. I believe they have been hooking up for years now. So she knows him pretty well at this point and I’m pretty sure she’s fallen in love with him, which is why she expressed wanting to be with him exclusively.

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Just now, MonaLisa95 said:

She’s 30.  him and I knew each other first. 

Ok, then just stay out of their business and focus on your own BF and your own relationship. .

She's an adult, she can see/think for herself.

It sounds like you are lacking your own happy situation and therefore hope to sabotage his/theirs.

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18 minutes ago, MonaLisa95 said:

She’s 30. They didn’t just meet. We’ve all known eachother for years. But him and I knew eachother first. I believe they have been hooking up for years now. So she knows him pretty well at this point and I’m pretty sure she’s fallen in love with him, which is why she expressed wanting to be with him exclusively.

I doubt he behaves the same way now as he did when he was 12.

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17 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

sounds like you are lacking your own happy situation and therefore hope to sabotage his/theirs.

Definitely not trying or hoping to “sabotage” ANYTHING. This is one of those situations where you want someone to hear it from you whether than someone else. It may not ever come out being as though it’s basically ancient history. But I just don’t want to be on the wrong side of the situation. Maybe I’m blowing it out of proportion, but I had to atleast consider what could happen.

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5 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I doubt he behaves the same way now as he did when he was 12.

I never said he behaves now the way he did when he was 12. But I do know that the behavior he exhibited then went on well into his twenties. But he’s 30 as well now so I can’t speak for him as of today. Hopefully he’s done a complete 360 for her sake.

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1 hour ago, MonaLisa95 said:

That being said, it’s different if she knows that he’s been flirting with her FRIEND as opposed to some random chicks she doesn’t know.

How long ago did this happen, exactly?

You are making an oddly huge deal out of this. 

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59 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

you two flirted or whatever when you were 12?

We did not flirt when I was 12. I said we were together in middle school. We flirted throughout the years as adults. 

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Nah, Mona, let it go. You're anxious for being blamed for something inconsequential. 

Don't look for trouble where there isn't any. If she has a problem about it later on, she can come to you but keep in mind that if she's digging up ancient history like this, their relationship would already be on the rocks. You stay out of it and make other friends. Try not to be so anxious over something like this. 

The only way I'd see this mattering or getting uncomfortable is if you like him or have romantic feelings towards him. In that case, distance yourself and create better boundaries. 

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44 minutes ago, MonaLisa95 said:

We did not flirt when I was 12. I said we were together in middle school. We flirted throughout the years as adults. 

You said you two haven't communicated in "years". 

I see absolutely no point in making this into a thing. 

You seem to want to tell her though. Like, really badly.

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