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Should I bring wine to a second date she is hosting?


nyc23
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Posted (edited)

Had a nice first date at a restaurant, I took her out.

Second date, she offered to cook a meal for me at her house, I accepted.  I offered to bring anything, she said no just bring myself. This date is upcoming.

Wondering:

1) should I bring something (defaulting to yes here)

2) ok to bring wine?  she already asked me a wine question implying she was picking a wine so I feel like maybe I should bring something else even if I bring something, otherwise she might feel like "why is he bringing a wine."   I had picked out a wine to bring before it came up in conversation.  I could also pick up some dessert or something.

I'm over-analyzing but thought I'd ask here anyway.

Edited by nyc23
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You can never have too much wine even if you save it for another occasion. Try not to overthink. Bring what your heart desires and enjoy the evening. Rest assured she probably just wants to see you and enjoy your company. Bringing a gift is a token.

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What Rose said - if you have a good wine in mind, bring it as a token gift. You don't have to drink it that night. You can also opt for flowers since you won't be going anywhere, so it won't be awkward to carry them around for her. Don't make a big deal out of good manners and don't over think what is really just a nice gesture. 

That said, keep it to a nice gesture level, meaning don't bring something over the top expensive.

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I am sure it would be fine if you showed up empty handed but don't. 

Flowers are always nice for the table while you are eating.  No need to go overboard just stop at the grocery store and pick out some flowers.  You can bring the wine too unless you don't want to seem like you are stepping on her toes wine selection wise.

  Cooking you dinner for the second date huh?  Things must be going well and she trusts you.

Relax and enjoy yourself.

Lost

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Offer to make a dessert - something you bake or prepare together so that it will be ready after dinner. 

Don't bring alcohol -- i also would consider deciding what your out is -- so she doesn't feel pressured for an overnight or sex -- how do you plan to wrap up the night and exit?

I would not have accepted a cooking date at this stage unless its daytime/lunch/late lunch or there is something you are doing after - not watching tv but a walk on the beach, at the park, or some activity. 

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It's always a nice and well received gesture to bring something, even when the host tells you not to.

As other's have suggested, bringing wine or alcohol is tricky, because you need to find some that she likes and would go well with the food - if she's the type to care about that stuff. How about some flowers or a quality box of chocolate instead?

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4 hours ago, greendots said:

It's always a nice and well received gesture to bring something, even when the host tells you not to.

 How about some flowers or a quality box of chocolate instead?

I'd go for the chocolates any day! 😊  Flowers? No. Not me.  Chocolates, chocolates and more chocolates, lol.

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6 hours ago, abitbroken said:

Don't bring alcohol .

Agree. It's never a good idea. It could inadvertantly send the wrong message such as "liquor is quicker" or "let's get drunk and screw".

That's why it's never recommend as a date, to bring a single woman alcohol.

If she wants drinking to happen, she'll provide it. Stick with flowers or dessert.

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6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Agree. It's never a good idea. It could inadvertantly send the wrong message such as "liquor is quicker" or "let's get drunk and screw".

That's why it's never recommend as a date, to bring a single woman alcohol.

If she wants drinking to happen, she'll provide it. Stick with flowers or dessert.

If this were a dinner party, where she was inviting a couple friends also, then my answer may be different.  But i would still gone with dessert because you never know who is in recovery  or can't have alcohol due to medical reasons. Alcohol is something you bring once you have gotten to know a group and know they drink wine.

Heck, as a non-drinker, the thing with me and friends was finding the most bizarre soft drink flavor and bringing that. There are some smaller brands that make unusual flavors and it created a friendly competition to find something odder (cherry was for amatures)

I still also think how to end the evening is more important - how to balance staying long enough to convey interest with not lingering long enough to make it awkward (she feels pressured to ask him to spend the night - she is worried if she doesn't ask she is rejecting him, etc).  Its hard to keep dates the right length when you go to somebody's house

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In my case I have so many food allergies and sensitivities that (sadly) most desserts are ruled out. Plus, what if you bring something she dislikes?

I would go with flowers. But of course, she could have allergies lol. Maybe a small gift such as a nice candle.

Definitely do not arrive empty handed. 

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Posted (edited)

I'm not a chocolate person. Also, who knows if she likes white, milk, or dark.  I know that I am in the minority with the chocolate, but I would prefer other things. 

I don't understand why there is a negative on the wine, as she is serving wine.   It doesn't mean they will drink it, she may use it at another time.  I would not assume that someone was trying to get lucky by bringing a bottle of wine.  

Edited by Hollyj
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Posted (edited)

I would not want someone to provide dessert unless I had asked.   She has probably already planned for that, and she would feel obligated to serve it over her own.   If I want someone to bring a food item, I always ask, otherwise it throws off my meal.  

Edited by Hollyj
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I am with Holly on this one. Bring a bottle. Doesn't mean you have to open and drink it the minute you are in the door. She may wish to keep it for a future occasion, or indeed give it to someone else. If the budget will stretch to it, maybe get a bottle of spirits, or a liqueur. 

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I also disagree that bringing a bottle of wine translates to "I'm hoping to get you drunk so I can get some sex from you!" If that were the case he'd bring a bottle of tequila or something lol. I think wine is classy.

However, I still advocate for flowers or a small thoughtful gift.

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Posted (edited)
10 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

I'd go for the chocolates any day! 😊  Flowers? No. Not me.  Chocolates, chocolates and more chocolates, lol.

We are alike. 😃 Love chocolates, flowers not so much.

 

nyc23, honestly, bring whatever you feel is appropriate. As you might have noticed we all have a different take on the "What should I bring" question. You know her better than us.

At the end of the day, whichever token/gift you bring her, it's a sweet gesture. That's what counts.

Edited by greendots
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I'm allergic to chocolate. I've been in the awkward position of someone gifting me with a box of chocolates and then having to explain my allergy when the person urges me to "open it! Have one now!" The person always looks either angry or embarrassed.  Not fun.

That's why I suggested a small gift if wine isn't an acceptable option.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I don't think bringing a bottle of wine for dinner sends a bad message. It's quite normal to share one bottle of wine for a dinner date. Even if she already had picked a bottle, either her bottle or yours will be saved for another time, no big deal. I also think it's a common reaction to reassure your guests that they don't need to bring anything, but be happy if they do anyway.

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Posted (edited)

I always like to give a little break to the host or hostess who is knocking themselves out preparing a meal for me.  Usually, I offer to bring dessert, a side dish or both which often times is greatly appreciated.  If she insists that you only bring your appetite, then oblige and wine seems safe if she  enjoys wine, that is.  Flowers as others mentioned is a nice gesture. 

Or reciprocate by cooking a meal for her in the future. 

Edited by Cherylyn
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