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Have been with my GF for 8mth. We have been friends of friends for a few years but got together just before covid lockdown in the U.K. started. 
we have spent most days together and have both really enjoyed it. 
but now lockdown is lifting she has said she would like to take a step back and just see each other 2 days a week stating that she wants time to see her friends and be alone. I know she enjoys her own company but I feel that 2 days is just not enough for me. 
I am a widower of a 12yrs marriage and she has had a couple of unsuccessful relationships. 
I like to feel loved and really don’t know how to feel about this. 
she says she loves me and wants to be in a relationship but it just doesn’t feel like it. 
to make it worse I have a 6yr old daughter that after losing her mum has started to become attached and they both get on so well. 
I’m angry at myself for letting them grow a bond. 
I’m just so confused right now. Do I try and work with it? Or call it off as I don’t think this shows me enough love. Although I think she’s amazing and have totally fallen for her. 
TIA

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If I was in love with someone, I'd respect their need to move beyond imposed togetherness and expand their life into much needed 'me' time.

Why would 2 days a week be such a hardship given the chance for it to evolve into something VOLUNTARY rather than lockdown-imposed?

I'd want to learn the outcome rather than sulk and pull away.

That's just me.

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1 hour ago, Liketobeloved said:

take a step back and just see each other 2 days a week stating that she wants time to see her friends and be alone. I know she enjoys her own company but I feel that 2 days is just not enough for me. 
I am a widower of a 12yrs marriage and she has had a couple of unsuccessful relationships. 
I like to feel loved and really don’t know how to feel about this. 
she says she loves me and wants to be in a relationship but it just doesn’t feel like it. 
to make it worse I have a 6yr old daughter that after losing her mum has started to become attached and they both get on so well. 

No one says she is going anywhere.

YOU have become too used to seeing her so much, I guess? But, 2 days a week is normal for many cpl's who especially do not live together.

Try to accept this.  If she needs her own time, don't pressure her.

 

"I’m angry at myself for letting them grow a bond. 
I’m just so confused right now. Do I try and work with it? Or call it off as I don’t think this shows me enough love."

- I don't know why you are acting as if it's a 'fault'.  She did not say she's done. 😕 

And not sure why you are considering ending this for this?  is it maybe that you are too needy now?  - will not fair well.

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Posted (edited)
7 hours ago, Liketobeloved said:

 she would like to take a step back and just see each other 2 days a week stating that she wants time to see her friends and be alone.  I have a 6yr old daughter that after losing her mum has started to become attached and they both get on so well. 

Sorry this is happening. Does she have kids also or want them?

Unfortunately she seems smothered and somewhat overwhelmed with too much too soon as well as too much togetherness and the role of substitute mother.

You can threaten breaking up but it's not going to change anything. For whatever reason she's stepping back.

This has more to do with being lonely and less to do with "feeling loved", so using that angle can come across as guilt tripping.

Try to organize your life as a single parent. Enlist the help of friends, extended family (both sides) to feel less overwhelmed and less dependant on someone you're dating to jump into a ready made family.

Try things out at the slower pace with more boundaries and space, if you still feel overwhelmed and lonely, you can end it.

Be aware however that jumping into a substitute parent role can be daunting to someone when you just start dating.

If they have their own kids, they'll be busy with that. If they don't, they may prefer a more romance based or carefree lifestyle.

Have you considered dating single parents?

 

Edited by Wiseman2
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12 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. Does she have kids also or want them?

Unfortunately she seems smothered and somewhat overwhelmed with too much too soon as well as too much togetherness and the role of substitute mother.

You can threaten breaking up but it's not going to change anything. For whatever reason she's stepping back.

This has more to do with being lonely and less to do with "feeling loved", so using that angle can come across as guilt tripping.

Try to organize your life as a single parent. Enlist the help of friends, extended family (both sides) to feel less overwhelmed and less dependant on someone you're dating to jump into a ready made family.

Try things out at the slower pace with more boundaries and space, if you still feel overwhelmed and lonely, you can end it.

Be aware however that jumping into a substitute parent role can be daunting to someone when you just start dating.

If they have their own kids, they'll be busy with that. If they don't, they may prefer a more romance based or carefree lifestyle.

Have you considered dating single parents?

 

Ty for your response. She does also have a 12yr old child. But I am very very careful that she is not and does not feel like mummy replacement for my child. So I am 100% happy that this is not the issue. 
Ty

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Posted (edited)

Do you have friends? Spending most days together at only eight months is a concern. She wants to include other friendships in her life and this is too much too soon. 

It's a red flag if someone treats this as a threat towards a relationship so early. Are you sure you are not still grieving your late wife? If I were her I'd be very suffocated by the relationship and wondering if you are going in too soon into this relationship interpreting it as continuation of the marriage you lost when your wife passed. 

Give this relationship time to grow and blossom if you are interested in being with her as a person. Slow things down and give each other space to live fuller lives too.

Edited by Rose Mosse
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OP, you come across like really entitled. She is not under any obligation to provide you love "on request". And it does not seem like you really love her, if you are considering giving her the booth, as soon as she does not satisfy your need of attention. Honestly, you look like a big baby who is going to throw a tantrum because he is not receiving his favorite ice cream anymore.

As others said, your girlfriend most probably feels drained and smothered from living with you and your daughter 24/7. She has a child of her own and this is where her priorities should be, not you and your daughter. I am also pretty certain that you have dump plenty of parental responsibilities on her in relation to parenting your daughter. Probably your girlfriend feels tired of being used as unpaid babysitter and house servant. 

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14 hours ago, East4 said:

OP, you come across like really entitled. She is not under any obligation to provide you love "on request". And it does not seem like you really love her, if you are considering giving her the booth, as soon as she does not satisfy your need of attention. Honestly, you look like a big baby who is going to throw a tantrum because he is not receiving his favorite ice cream anymore.

As others said, your girlfriend most probably feels drained and smothered from living with you and your daughter 24/7. She has a child of her own and this is where her priorities should be, not you and your daughter. I am also pretty certain that you have dump plenty of parental responsibilities on her in relation to parenting your daughter. Probably your girlfriend feels tired of being used as unpaid babysitter and house servant. 

Tbf we haven’t been living together just seeing each other most days. I put zero parental responsibility on her and make a point if that. I would just like to make that clear. 
I don’t feel like I’ve acted like a big baby as you put it. More like I fell in love with a girl and a situation. I’m not saying I want to see her everyday but moving from 6 days a week to 2 just felt so drastic. 
 

all that said. I’ve now had time to sleep on it and respect her decision. I have received some constructive advise on here, although not sure yours is as constructive. 
We both agree that we love each other and want this relationship to work. So as with all things it’s give and take. And we have found some compromise. 
thanks is anyway 
 

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