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I literally don't even know how to categorize this ***ed up story. It's a long one so buckle up ***es and enjoy the ride! And don't be afraid to tell me your honest opinions, trust me.. you cant hurt my feeling more than they've been hurt this past year and a half! Which is roughly the time line I stupidly fell in love and made some not so wise decisions! The first being that I thought I had a best friend! We'll call her Jenna. I met Jenna at work. She was newly hired on and she never shut the *** up about her fiance at the time/ her husband now. She'd boast about how amazing he'd treat her. Myself being single at the time was genuinely wanting to settle down and find love as well! Jenna being the great friend she was, decided to set me up with her fiance's brother! I soon was blind folded and face planted deeply in love. To my surprise, I typically don't fall easily. So here's where it gets a little rock, try to keep up and I'll try to keep it short and simple. As best as I can anyways.. We'll call my night in shining armor Chance. Which I've had to give him multiple so this is fitting. When I met Chance he told me that we was in the middle of a nasty divorce. Which understandable, I too Have picked a few bad apples and I also tend to throw around one too many benefit of the doubts. Which later in time to my surprise he in fact was not in the middle of a nasty divorce. A nasty break up but he didn't legally enter an active divorce until 3 months into our relationship. Didn't consider how I would feel grimey after that even if they were already at the end of their "marriage." It also didn't particularly feel good that the man I had fallen for was capable of lying to me about/involving another woman. But don't paint Chance as a bad guy, there's still more to the story that you don't understand. Given his financial situation those legal actions were pricey for his banking account. Not to mention he got stuck paying for spousal support at least until July of this year. I could honestly see how that would terrify anyone into a white lie here and a white lie there. Especially when you think that you've found the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. I have no doubt in mind he really does love me. This man wakes up at 5am most mornings to do some house work so I don't have to worry about much. He never leaves without kissing me goodbye, He speaks respectfully to me in the midst of arguments.  There are a lot of actions that he takes to check up on me and make me feel loved. But I'm not sure if its really ever going to help me to trust him again. I don't think you can ever really give someone their security blanket back once its been ripped away... Are you ready for the ***ed up part? We're gonna be parents! which is great don't get be wrong but he also wasn't honest up front about that either. Accepting this has been very hard for me. I told him I never wanted kids. I had a very traumatic childhood that influenced my thoughts on not ever wanting kids in this life time. As opposed to him, He didn't grow up in a broken family and he's very much close to his family. Well.. you remember Jenna? used to be my best friend but ended up actually becoming family.. Well she has the victim mentality. And even though she was the one to introduce me to Chance she was also the one making me feel like I was never going to be part of the family. Manipulating me and everybody else to always feel sorry for her, starting fights in my relationship, feeling like it was her God given right to know every detail of our relationship since she was thew one who set us up. Yeah! That girl! Well guess who couldn't let me enjoy this moment of entering motherhood! As soon as we told everyone that Chance and I happen to be pregnant, Guess who got pregnant the second her next ovulation came a midst. Not only am I not close to Jenna anymore but I've had my whole pregnancy compared to hers and because were both now a "family" I'm expected to keep my pretty little mouth shut and to not have feelings. Do you know how hard it is to be Questioning your own abilities as a mother, feeling like you've thrown away your whole future, being isolated and having no friends or family of my own, feeling like you're always put on the back burner, and feeling like you cant even trust the man you're having a baby with?? Am I wrong to feel like his family might be too much for me? Is it wrong of me to want out? I need to know if I am wrong or just overwhelmed and need a break. It feels like I have been overwhelmed this whole relationship. I don't know what to do.. I have no job and I'd have to start all over again. I just feel like mentally I won't make it another day..

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Wow... that's just too much for you 😕 .

So, are things 'good' with you & Chance?  Are you far along with your expecting?

If Jenna is so toxic, can you not keep some distance?  Disown her, whether you're part of the family or not.

 

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30 minutes ago, kittykittybang said:

he didn't legally enter an active divorce until 3 months into our relationship. he got stuck paying for spousal support at least until July of this year.

We're gonna be parents. Am I wrong to feel like his family might be too much for me? 

Sorry this is happening. Do you live together? Did he move in with you?

Do you live near your own family and friends? You don't have to be friends with his sister-in-law, if you can't get along.

 Focus on your preganacy, budding relationship and building a happy healthy family. Avoid extended family drama and just be cordial polite.

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Posted (edited)

If you can find a way to forgive your partner, both of you have a shot at making this work. There's a lot of anger and resentment coming through, maybe feeling very trapped and duped because of your partner's lies and you're using humour to cope with it.

You can grab back parts of your autonomy and feel more in control of your situation starting from the inside out. If you can't forgive him right away, consider being open to his willingness to work with you in your relationship and what role he plays as the father of your child even if the relationship doesn't work.

Comparisons are annoying but guess what? People make comparisons because it's usually from a lack of information(lack of understanding) or lack of compassion. It's either done in ignorance or because they totally do not care about the individuals involved. Avoid individuals with no empathy or compassion. Your pregnancy is your own experience. Don't let others take that way from you or make you feel less-than. Ignore idle gossip and you do not need to be part of what they're saying. 

Keep those interactions or conversations with strangers/acquaintances/extended family short and brief. Excuse yourself when you're at social gatherings and move to another group or chat with others. You don't have to be anything you don't want to be a part of.

The only people who can give out information about your relationship or its details are your partner and you. If you both have an agreement not to air out your personal issues, that should eliminate a lot of your stress. 

 

Edited by Rose Mosse
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