MissCanuck Posted May 8, 2021 Share Posted May 8, 2021 3 minutes ago, Reyhoney said: What you mean is take accountability of why I missed him? No, I mean take accountabillity for your role in why he isn't that keen to date you now. You don't seem to grasp where you went wrong. Link to comment
Reyhoney Posted May 8, 2021 Author Share Posted May 8, 2021 Just now, MissCanuck said: No, I mean take accountabillity for your role in why he isn't that keen to date you now. You don't seem to grasp where you went wrong. You don’t seem to grasp my problem. please don’t bother replying. Lock or delete this post. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted May 8, 2021 Share Posted May 8, 2021 Moderators will decide who can and can't reply, Rey. We are simply telling you things you apparently don't want to hear, and trying to get you to see how you are part of the problem here. Link to comment
Reyhoney Posted May 8, 2021 Author Share Posted May 8, 2021 3 minutes ago, MissCanuck said: Moderators will decide who can and can't reply, Rey. We are simply telling you things you apparently don't want to hear, and trying to get you to see how you are part of the problem here. I see that I’m part of the problem! I said this in every reply I’ve made! I am not in denial, I know I caused this due to my insecurities. I never came on as if I was so confident and so careless or didn’t care. That was never a question. my question was did he move on or hurt? Because I needed to know, for my own mental and emotional well-being that I was so insignificant to him that he forgot me after a week. Or if he was hurt, just like I was hurting. I hope by now you know what I mean Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted May 8, 2021 Share Posted May 8, 2021 4 hours ago, Reyhoney said: I got what I wanted from this thread but you all kept on commenting. No sure why that happens. Hopefully things turn out ok, even if this guy is a write-off. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted May 8, 2021 Share Posted May 8, 2021 4 hours ago, Reyhoney said: my question was did he move on or hurt? Because I needed to know We can't answer that, though. Only he can. My guess is that it's a combination of both. However, you said he didn't seem emotionally-invested so I don't think he's all that hurt, but rather just put off by your back-and-forth behaviour. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted May 8, 2021 Share Posted May 8, 2021 On 5/6/2021 at 1:43 AM, Reyhoney said: I decided to end it Most people would interpret this as being done. This precludes them from welcoming you back if you change your mind. Going forward, you can be up front about not wanting to be exclusive, you can slow things down, you can negotiate for what you want in exchange for offering something the other person wants, but don't 'end' things as a means to bring about anything other a permanent ending. After that, you don't really have a right to know anything about the other person's feelings or actions. Link to comment
Jibralta Posted May 8, 2021 Share Posted May 8, 2021 On 5/6/2021 at 9:28 AM, Reyhoney said: since it’s been barely a week and him and I weren’t even exclusive when I met the second guy I thought it doesn’t have to be over for good. Honestly, I am guilty of reasoning the same way, and have said and done similar things (with similar results!). In my mind, I'm being up front and honest, so that both parties can make informed decisions. I'm assuming low emotional attachment and very little ego on both of our parts. But I realize now (with years of dating behind me!) that it's a naïve way of thinking. A lot of people see it as an insult when you straight up tell them that you will be seeing others. They prefer you not disclose it. That actually doesn't make sense to me, especially when both parties know that there is no commitment, and that multi-dating is likely. But, that's the way it is. It's one of those contradictory social customs that everyone seems to know but a few people lol. 8 hours ago, Reyhoney said: my question was did he move on or hurt? I think Option C; he was insulted. Oh, well. What can you do? Live and learn. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted May 8, 2021 Share Posted May 8, 2021 9 hours ago, Reyhoney said: I see that I’m part of the problem! I said this in every reply I’ve made! I am not in denial, I know I caused this due to my insecurities. I never came on as if I was so confident and so careless or didn’t care. That was never a question. my question was did he move on or hurt? Because I needed to know, for my own mental and emotional well-being that I was so insignificant to him that he forgot me after a week. Or if he was hurt, just like I was hurting. I hope by now you know what I mean But no you're not entitled to that - you decided to take that risk by how you handled things. It's not your well being. It's your ego. And it's unfair to try to find out and bother him -let him move on however he chooses. You don't need to know. You want to know. But on balance his wellbeing is more important than your ego. He is entitled to move on and not be subjected to the way you chose to treat him. Give yourself closure. Assume he moved on. Assume that you had the significance in his life that when he was with you he enjoyed his time with you. Assume when you ended it he put you off his radar -which he should if he's emotionally stable. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted May 8, 2021 Share Posted May 8, 2021 Why does it matter if he has moved on? You dumped this guy because you wanted to date someone else. Did you want him to be crying and not able to move forward with his life? This is all ego driven on your part. Link to comment
Reyhoney Posted May 8, 2021 Author Share Posted May 8, 2021 52 minutes ago, Hollyj said: Why does it matter if he has moved on? You dumped this guy because you wanted to date someone else. Did you want him to be crying and not able to move forward with his life? This is all ego driven on your part. It’s not ego driven. Stop telling me what I’m feeling or just stop commenting altogether if I keep having to say no it’s not. I don’t care about your particular opinion. Link to comment
Reyhoney Posted May 8, 2021 Author Share Posted May 8, 2021 Thank you everyone. I got all I can from the thread and no longer need any replies or any inputs. Thanks. can a mod please lock this thread? Link to comment
LaHermes Posted May 8, 2021 Share Posted May 8, 2021 13 hours ago, Reyhoney said: it was anxiety and insecurity for being abandoned by my mother. So many of you said things like “he doesn’t care about you, you’re just a hookup, just a physical thing for him” when you’ve no idea about my own uncle sexually assaulting me and my own mother not caring. You’ve no idea what the weight of your words can do to someone. I don’t matter to you, I’m just a name on a screen and random words and you reply to hundreds daily because you are so perfect and never made mistakes in life. This is all rather unfair, don't you think, Rey? In your original post you simply put forward the matter of that man moving on. You did NOT give any background about your uncaring mother and abandonment issues, and the fact that you are on anti-depressants. Perhaps it might have been a good idea to give that background information from the get go so that posters (all of whom, I assure you, are well-intentioned) could get a better grasp of your apprehensions and insecurities. None of us here can, unfortunately, remedy the bad things which happened to you in the past. If only we had a magic wand to do so. I so hope you are getting help and support in real life. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted May 8, 2021 Share Posted May 8, 2021 Thread has run its course...Closed. Link to comment
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