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So I’ve been dating this guy for about 6 weeks and I spent most weekends with him. We’ve been physical and it was a big part of the relationship honestly, but I felt like he still wasn’t opening up emotionally so I decided to end it and I told him I’m going to start seeing another guy and he said he understands.  

I tried to reach out about a week later and he wasn't so warm, he said he’s shocked to hear from me and asked what caused me to reach out to him. I asked him “are we done?” And he said “I assumed so when you told me you’re going out with that other guy”. So I said “do you mean you’ve moved on?” 
And he said “I did.”

I didn’t send him anymore after that. Could he have really moved on that fast? In a week? Or is he upset and hurt? 

Thank you!

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Posted (edited)
52 minutes ago, Reyhoney said:

Could he have really moved on that fast? In a week?

Well, you apparently did so yourself, so why couldn't he have done the same?

I am not sure what you expected when you told him you're going to date someone else. That was not a smart move if your intention was to spur him into committing or something. Now you look like you were playing games, with your back-and-forth. 

Leave him be. You shot yourself right in the foot and made yourself look bad. It is unlikely he would want to reconnect after that. 

Edited by MissCanuck
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3 hours ago, Reyhoney said:

 I decided to end it and I told him I’m going to start seeing another guy and he said he understands.  

You did the right thing cutting your losses at 6 weeks.

It was just hookups and he didn't care at all.

Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

How are things with the new guy?

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What did you expect? Him moping around over you? You were dating and said you want to see some other guy, ofcourse he thought you were done for good. Did you expect him to wait by the side to see how the date with other guy went so he could pick you up if that fails? 

As for the other question, yes, somebody telling you that she wants to see some other guy could make you upset and hurt. Maybe not in terms that he found somebody but enough to just forgets about you as a couple. His reaction after you reached out is very normal one. I do understand that you maybe thought it wasnt going anyway and that you wanted to try with somebody else and that is OK. Just dont get what youve expected from him aside to move on with his life when you obviously did and even told him that as a reason to break things up. 

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6 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Well, you apparently did so yourself, so why couldn't he have done the same?

I am not sure what you expected when you told him you're going to date someone else. That was not a smart move if your intention was to spur him into committing or something. Now you look like you were playing games, with your back-and-forth. 

Leave him be. You shot yourself right in the foot and made yourself look bad. It is unlikely he would want to reconnect after that. 


I mean it’s been a week and I went on one coffee date, it’s not like I went and started a new life with a new guy and came back 6 months later. We didn’t even kiss. 
 

Also he was still using dating apps just like I was, I just found someone sooner. He’s not great at picking up women. I had in fact unmatched him when we first met and he found me on Facebook and contacted me a week later. 

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4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

You did the right thing cutting your losses at 6 weeks.

It was just hookups and he didn't care at all.

Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

How are things with the new guy?

Maybe! He’s not really the hookup kind though? He’s 44 and have been intimate with 7 women. 
 

I didn’t end up pursuing the other guy. 

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2 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

What did you expect? Him moping around over you? You were dating and said you want to see some other guy, ofcourse he thought you were done for good. Did you expect him to wait by the side to see how the date with other guy went so he could pick you up if that fails? 

As for the other question, yes, somebody telling you that she wants to see some other guy could make you upset and hurt. Maybe not in terms that he found somebody but enough to just forgets about you as a couple. His reaction after you reached out is very normal one. I do understand that you maybe thought it wasnt going anyway and that you wanted to try with somebody else and that is OK. Just dont get what youve expected from him aside to move on with his life when you obviously did and even told him that as a reason to break things up. 

No I didn’t expect any of that, but since it’s been barely a week and him and I weren’t even exclusive when I met the second guy I thought it doesn’t have to be over for good. 

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3 minutes ago, Reyhoney said:

He’s 44 and have been intimate with 7 women. I didn’t end up pursuing the other guy. 

However, he was completely indifferent to you and you dating others.

 So you can simply write this off as just not into you.

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4 minutes ago, Reyhoney said:

No I didn’t expect any of that, but since it’s been barely a week and him and I weren’t even exclusive when I met the second guy I thought it doesn’t have to be over for good. 

This is a lesson learned in future not to burn bridges so quickly this early if you're still interested. 

 

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12 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

However, he was completely indifferent to you and you dating others.

 So you can simply write this off as just not into you.

Yeah you’re probably right 

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15 minutes ago, Reyhoney said:

No I didn’t expect any of that, but since it’s been barely a week and him and I weren’t even exclusive when I met the second guy I thought it doesn’t have to be over for good. 

But you told him you want to date other guy? Again, I really dont know what did you expect his reaction to be? "Yeah, I am sorry that other guy didnt work come back to me"? Even if he was most chilled guy in the world ofcourse if he has even an ounce of self-respect he would say "Nah". Maybe if you told him that you are not sure and want a break and that now you regret it or something. But straight up telling him you want another guy and to date that guy? Again, no guy with self-respect would take you after that even if he hasnt moved on. There are people that forgive even stuff like that. But you need to understand that what you told him isnt something anyone could forgive. 

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If you weren't exclusive, ethically it was fine to date other people. What was stupid was telling him you were doing so. It was also stupid to say you no longer wanted to see him, and then reach out to him 7 days later. This is really flaky behavior. In the future, think long and hard in ending things, because that should spell forever. And after you break up, to me it's really rude to call an ex and intrude on their life. They are trying for closure, and you're in the past, where you should stay.

This didn't sound like a satisfying match for you anyway. Learn from all of this so you can make better decisions in the future.

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10 hours ago, Reyhoney said:

So I’ve been dating this guy for about 6 weeks and I spent most weekends with him. We’ve been physical and it was a big part of the relationship honestly, but I felt like he still wasn’t opening up emotionally so I decided to end it

This is what you need to realize... 

YOU weren't 'feeling it'?

YOU feel it was just 'physical'- he was not opening up?

YOU acted out and ended it.

It really isn't much a 'relationship', in just 6 weeks.  of course he won't really 'open up' yet, as you two are just getting started in getting to know each other... it takes time for each person to start feeling some comfort in order to do so.

For men, it is easy to be physical, that's not a problem.  But, for them to start showing themselves more, takes some time, same with 'emotionally'.

I think you assumed & expected things way too soon.

So, to act as you did, then go back & contact him again, I'm sure weirded him out.

Maybe, next time, give it some time before you totally give up.

 

 

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Posted (edited)

Asking him "Are we done?" after you did this is a little disingenuous, isn't it?

so I decided to end it and I told him I’m going to start seeing another guy

It doesn't sound like you said you were just going on a one off coffee date. You said you were going to start seeing another guy!

If you expected him to just sit around hoping you'd show back up, well that was obviously a wrong assumption. 

Lesson learned, people are not things to set aside and pick back up whenever you feel like it.

Edited by boltnrun
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10 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

This is what you need to realize... 

YOU weren't 'feeling it'?

YOU feel it was just 'physical'- he was not opening up?

YOU acted out and ended it.

It really isn't much a 'relationship', in just 6 weeks.  of course he won't really 'open up' yet, as you two are just getting started in getting to know each other... it takes time for each person to start feeling some comfort in order to do so.

For men, it is easy to be physical, that's not a problem.  But, for them to start showing themselves more, takes some time, same with 'emotionally'.

I think you assumed & expected things way too soon.

So, to act as you did, then go back & contact him again, I'm sure weirded him out.

Maybe, next time, give it some time before you totally give up.

 

 

I agree-assume in this type of situation the person will move on right away whether or not they are dating someone yet.

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6 hours ago, Reyhoney said:

No I didn’t expect any of that, but since it’s been barely a week and him and I weren’t even exclusive when I met the second guy I thought it doesn’t have to be over for good. 

With all due respect, you cannot be this naive, Rey. 

No self-respecting man is going to want anything to do with a woman who's just told him she's going to date another guy. 

Were you trying to get this man to commit by making him jealous? Because this is exactly what it looks like. 

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6 hours ago, Reyhoney said:


I mean it’s been a week and I went on one coffee date, it’s not like I went and started a new life with a new guy and came back 6 months later. We didn’t even kiss. 
 

Also he was still using dating apps just like I was, I just found someone sooner. He’s not great at picking up women. I had in fact unmatched him when we first met and he found me on Facebook and contacted me a week later. 

Boy you missed the point of this totally.  You dumped him after 6 weeks saying you wanted to see another guy.  So he moved on.  What did you think he would do?  Sit at home and wait for you?  Nope, it was just X dates in 6 weeks.  You dumped him.  He figured it was over.  End of story.  There is no coming back from this.

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16 hours ago, Reyhoney said:

 so I decided to end it and I told him I’m going to start seeing another guy

I tried to reach out about a week later and he wasn't so warm, he said he’s shocked to hear from me and asked what caused me to reach out to him. I asked him “are we done?” And he said “I assumed so when you told me you’re going out with that other guy”. So I said “do you mean you’ve moved on?” 
And he said “I did.”

I am not surprised that he "wasn't so warm".  What exactly did you expect?  You call it quits, tell him you're going to see another guy and then you "reach out" a week later and ask him "are we done?"   Man, that is truly on the wth level.   You dumped him, so yes, he moved on.

Learn from this.  Next time, if you end things then simply move on. 

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Well if you weren't exclusive with this guy then yes it was fine to still date others. I think in dating you have to "play the game", so to speak. Unless the person actually asks you directly, I don't think it's necessary to mention you're dating other people. Also if you actually ended with him then why are you surprised he moved on? 

Also I think you need to think about why you decided to go back to the first guy. If after six weeks he wasn't opening up emotionally and the relationship was only physical, do you think he'll just change and become a different person? After six weeks you do have some idea of him as a person and what you see is what you get. If you wanted him to open up to you more, I think you should have spoken to him about it and seen if things improve.

I think though that if after six weeks you weren't really feeling that connection, maybe your gut feeling was telling you something. You don't really need to go back to him just because the other guy didn't work out.

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Posted (edited)

What I got out of this was, he was just into it physically, which is fair because it's only 6 weeks. So no emotional connection means not really invested, so of course he went off to find another bed partner...all little bit of a bruised ego OP? Your expectations of what you had with him was misconstrued? There might be a possibility he didn't really care? How can this be shocking?

You called it right, he really wasn't really that into you, and you felt it. You should have just moved on. Reaching out to him is confusing...why? You think he would be missing you bad, and be all emotional? What you were trying to do was pure manipulation...and it blew up in your face. Stop doing the passive/aggressive game playing. Learn from this experience, grow some, and go forward. He wasn't the guy for you.

 

Edited by smackie9
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Posted (edited)
On 5/6/2021 at 1:43 AM, Reyhoney said:

So I’ve been dating this guy for about 6 weeks and I spent most weekends with him. We’ve been physical and it was a big part of the relationship honestly, but I felt like he still wasn’t opening up emotionally so I decided to end it and I told him I’m going to start seeing another guy and he said he understands.  

I tried to reach out about a week later and he wasn't so warm, he said he’s shocked to hear from me and asked what caused me to reach out to him. I asked him “are we done?” And he said “I assumed so when you told me you’re going out with that other guy”. So I said “do you mean you’ve moved on?” 
And he said “I did.”

I didn’t send him anymore after that. Could he have really moved on that fast? In a week? Or is he upset and hurt? 

Thank you!

You can't have it both ways.  You said you were going to see someone else.  

You also said it wasn't more than sex, and so why would you want to continue? 

It sounds like your ego was hurt as he had moved on with his life. Doesn't sound like he cared.

Edited by Hollyj
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I wasn’t going to read or reply and I posted that I got what I wanted from this thread but you all kept on commenting pretty harsh things. You should really be careful with your words because you don’t know who is on the other side. You say I’m playing games and manipulative, but it was anxiety and insecurity for being abandoned by my mother. 
 

So many of you said things like “he doesn’t care about you, you’re just a hookup, just a physical thing for him” when you’ve no idea about my own uncle sexually assaulting me and my own mother not caring. You’ve no idea what the weight of your words can do to someone. I don’t matter to you, I’m just a name on a screen and random words and you reply to hundreds daily because you are so perfect and never made mistakes in life. 
 

You knew nothing about me but in a span of hours you reshaped me in your mind as a manipulative game playing worthless woman who gets used for sex and no one could possibly care for her or love her. Always unloved and always thrown away. You’ve no idea about my history with self hate. My battles that cripple me and make push people away first before they get a chance to hurt me because I can’t possibly survive another heartbreak. I don’t have it in me. I’m spent. 
 

and by the way, this man chased me for weeks. I unmatched him and he looked me up on Facebook and wanted so bad to start something with me. He wasn’t perfect and he obviously has commitment issues, he’s 44 and haven’t had a serious relationship in a decade and never even lived with a significant other. It’s not all me throwing him away then regretting it. I said goodbye Bec I thought he wasn’t really emotionally invested, and I reached to him a week later because I missed him and felt like my soul was on fire and every hour felt like pure hell. 
 

anyway, maybe you should give the benefit of the doubt to people who come on here asking for advice. I never said I’m perfect. 
 

goodnight 

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Posted (edited)
37 minutes ago, Reyhoney said:

you reshaped me in your mind as a manipulative game playing worthless woman who gets used for sex and no one could possibly care for her or love her. Always unloved and always thrown away

Nobody said this. You would be wise not to put words in people's mouths, and not project. 

Instead, reflect on why you blame your current behaviour on your past. It would serve to help you grow and take some accountability for this situation.  

We're trying to help you understand where you goofed up here. If you're aren't open or willing to see how you could make better choices moving forward, well, not much anyone can do for you.

 

Edited by MissCanuck
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13 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Nobody said this. You would be wise not to put words in people's mouths, and not project. 

Instead, reflect on why you blame your current behaviour on your past. It would serve to help you grow and take some accountability for this situation.  

We're trying to help you understand where you goofed up here. If you're aren't open or willing to see how you could make better choices moving forward, well, not much anyone can do for you.

 

Oh sweetie I am willing to see. I’m in therapy every week, I’m on antidepressants, I seek God every day and I’m doing everything I can to get better. I’m on here with you kind loving people to try to get advice from others. 
 

I’m the one not sure why you don’t think current behavior isn’t caused by the past? That’s literally what all therapy is about. You discuss your childhood and past on the first session. You’re wrong there. 
 

I do take accountability, I left him because I knew he wasn’t invested and I knew I better not go down a bad long road of pain when I knew it would happen, or What you mean is take accountability of why I missed him? Well that’s it’s feelings. I can’t always help what I’m feeling and I couldn’t take accountability of my feelings. 
 

if you won’t advice me kindly why would I listen to it? I’m coming for advice it means I’m lost and feeling helpless, why wouldn’t you advice me kindly? 

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