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Is this sexual abuse


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So I'm 23 and it was the day before I moved across the country so I stayed at my father and his new wife's house. The morning I was going to leave his wife went to work so my dad and I decided we should go to breakfast as we usually do. He came out in a towel and hugged me telling me how much he was going to miss me. He started rubbing my back, then he moved his hand to my lower back and went under my shirt rubbing my back. I tried to pull out of the hug as I felt super weirded out and uncomfortable. He then kissed me super soft and sensually on the lips (I've pecked my mom on the lips for years but never my dad). When he did this I tensed my entire body and try to pull away completely disgusted. He held me harder and tried to pull me back in for another kiss. I managed to turn my face so he kissed my cheek. I was in shock and disbelief so I quickly said he should get changed and we should get going before I had to leave and begin my move. I had every urge to drive away and not speak to him but the part of me that loves my dad stayed and thought that didn't just happen. I still don't know if this is considered abuse but I know it felt beyond wrong. I don't know what to do and haven't told anyone. 

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Of course it's sexual abuse/incestuous. You don't need others to tell you what you already know was wrong. It made you feel uncomfortable and your dad crossed a major line. Did he always behave properly towards you until now? I'd never stay over or be alone with him ever again. 

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3 hours ago, LaurenM said:

 I'm 23 and it was the day before I moved across the country so I stayed at my father and his new wife's house. 

How long ago did this happen?  Are you still speaking with him?

How long have your parents been divorced? How long is your father remarried?

Is this the first episode of this in 23 years? Did he act creepy/sexual with you before or while growing up?

Only a therapist can help you with this.

Did you move cross country? Was that for work or school?


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Hi Lauren,

This is absolutely in no way right, ever. Abusive is the correct term and I think you know it was so wrong and your father will too.

My only concern is, do you have other siblings? And do they or yourself have children? The only reason I ask this is, as hard as it seems, you have a duty to let them know what happened so they also know not to leave themselves alone with your father and potentially put their children in harms way too.

I say this because I have experienced something similar myself, and as heartbreaking as this is, I have two toddlers now and I never, ever leave them alone with my parents. 

I understand how horribly confusing this is. You did nothing wrong. God knows what on earth your father was thinking. Completely disgusting and inappropriate. As everyone has said before, you must stay away from him. I would even take up the suggestion DarkCh0c0 has made and try to tell your mother if you can find the courage. Be prepared for this to potentially be brushed off by her, other family members and especially your father if confronted with it. Many times, when things like this happen, people find it so hard to speak up because they doubt themselves and fear being called a liar, and also have an innate feeling of protecting the family member - all mixed in with loving them still. This is more the reason why your father doing this is so so wrong.

Also, do you have a boyfriend or husband? I ask because it might give you support and strength to confide in someone who really loves you, cares for your well being and safety and is protective of you.

All the best,
Lo x 


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