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Girlfriend lost feelings & broke up with me


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Posted (edited)

It's been 3 days since my ex said she lost feelings for me and I'm struggling immensely. I was dating her for 3 years & they were the best days of my life. She was the one I was going to marry and live the rest of my life with. She always said to me that I would be the one to leave her but she was the one who ended up cutting things off. But ever since the UK entered another lockdown in November, I feel like things went downhill.

We would meet up once a week and sometimes she would come to stay over at mines. For the first 2 years of the relationship she would always go out of her way to call me and I won't lie, at times I wouldn't pick up the call because I get so nervous on the phone and I would run out of things to talk about. I have no problems texting and I communicate much better in person. She'd get upset at me but I did my best to improve myself in that aspect.

The last time I saw her physically was in November and I had no problem with that, London entered another lockdown. We agreed that the best time to meet up would be when malls reopen, she loved browsing stores. Ever since then, the amount of times she would call dropped a lot. I'd be lucky to get a call from her once a week, sometimes she called once every 2 weeks. There was even 2 occasions where she called me just once a month. Since I let her handle the calling, she called me out for not calling her and I apologised, promising her to start calling her. Even with my lack of calling the love was still there, I feel.

She would barely call me for the past 2-3 months (ever since I lost my job) and I got mad at her for not calling me anymore. The excuse would be that she got used to texting me and I accepted that, though I missed her voice a lot and I expressed my concern about the lack of calls a lot. Felt like I would argue/confront her like once a week about the lack of communication. Thing is, she would barely argue back. I was always the one doing the talking. If we argued for 30 minutes, 29 minutes of it was me doing the talking and about a minute of her just offering a few words or sentences.

Throughout the past month I've tried to call her numerous times but she would never pick up. Instead she would reply to my messages an hour or 2 later. She loves playing PUBG on her phone and I would always tell her to message me when she's done with a game. But most of the time she'd start another game after ending the previous one, without messaging me back. It would upset me because I know everyone is glued to their phones and she knows that I've messaged her. She'd even play the game when we'd sit down in a park or when we'd sit down at a hookah/shisha bar. I had no problems with it and I enjoyed watching her play it.

She ghosted on me 3 times when I've argued about the lack of calls and I'd always be the one running back to her after 2-3 days. Even got her flowers during the second ghosting and she wouldn't message me back, I did and she thanked me. After another argument she said she didn't have the energy to deal with me. I told her I felt the same & I asked her if we were still together, to which she replied 'idk'

I kept expressing my concern about her lack of calls/messages and her reluctance to meet me. When lockdown restrictions eased up I kept asking to meet up outdoors and she would tell me 'we'll wait & see'. But ever since the easing of restrictions, she met up with her female friends on 2 occasions but not me. Obviously this drove me crazy. After another argument she said that I wanted her to make all the effort after all these years and that she didn't know what she wanted anymore. She said she'd call me on 2 occasions but she failed to. All of our arguments were one-sided and she would barely say anything.

So before we broke up she said that both of should take a break and it would be the best thing for both of us. I didn't react too well to this and I wanted an explanation to why she wanted a break, followed by an unanswered call from me. After ghosting for another 2 days, she said she'd call me the day later but failed to do so.

2 days later she picked my call up and I asked her why wanted a break, to which she said she lost her feelings and didn't feel the same anymore. I expressed my disappointment and told her that we should fight for this relationship. Naturally, I asked if she was thinking of a break up and she said yes. I felt so powerless so I reluctantly agreed to it. Told her that she gave me the best days of my life and I wouldn't ever forget her, wishing her the best. Only last week were jokingly talking about having kids. She used to tell me that she was afraid that I would leave her. She wanted to marry me.

The day later I broke the lack of contact between us and pleaded with her to give it another chance, that I can't imagine a life & future without her. Told her that I still have belief in her and faith that the relationship can still work, telling her I loved her. She didn't reply but I feel like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I seriously feel like I've lost my purpose of life.. I never once swore at her or insulted her. The only thing that might've pushed her buttons is me questioning the relationship sometimes, due to the lack of communication from her part. I don't think that carried malice and all I wanted to do was make things better. A few days later I posted a story on IG & she viewed it. She still follows me on all social media platforms & she hasn't blocked my number.

Was I right in asking her about once or twice a week about her level of communication with me dropping? I feel guilty for constantly harping on about the issue and maybe I should've accepted her offer of a break. If anyone can or wants to reach out or message me, please feel free to do so and do not hesitate.

Edited by Kiryuin
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8 minutes ago, Kiryuin said:

She loves playing PUBG on her phone and I would always tell her to message me when she's done with a game. But most of the time she'd start another game after ending the previous one, without messaging me back.

Sorry this happened. How old is she? It seems more like you dodged a bullet. Breakups hurt even if it was the right thing to do.

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9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. How old is she? It seems more like you dodged a bullet. Breakups hurt even if it was the right thing to do.

We are both 27. Honestly her playing the game isn't even an issue. It just felt a little annoying that she would start a new game without taking a moment to reply at times. But for the past few months she has been playing it more often and replying to me an hour or two later sometimes. Also for the past month or so I've seen her online on WhatsApp & she wouldn't read/reply to messages I sent her an hour or two ago.

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  • Kiryuin changed the title to Girlfriend lost feelings & broke up with me

Don't do any more asking of questions.

I don't think you were right to ask her to call you or to let her be the one to handle most of the calling. It's unequal and tiresome. I'm a woman and I would not expect the man to do all the calling. I'm giving you an idea of how unfair that thinking is even if there's a gender issue at play. 

There were some mistakes made so just be a peace and let this go. She's not interested in being with you as a romantic partner. Avoid being friends with an ex after a break up also.

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10 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

Don't do any more asking of questions.

I don't think you were right to ask her to call you or to let her be the one to handle most of the calling. It's unequal and tiresome. I'm a woman and I would not expect the man to do all the calling. I'm giving you an idea of how unfair that thinking is even if there's a gender issue at play. 

There were some mistakes made so just be a peace and let this go. She's not interested in being with you as a romantic partner. Avoid being friends with an ex after a break up also.

She never had too much of an issue with it as she continued to call me as often as every other day, even when I'd tell her I was going out with friends. During our 3 years together she didn't complain much about it as she knew that I get nervous talking on the phone but I have absolutely no issues in person. I've made more of an attempt to call her this year but more than half of the time she wouldn't return my call. Now that I think of it, most of the times I'd be calling her when we had small arguments and she would pick up at times, except for the past month she wouldn't return any call.

There was no offer of a friendship in any way and I wouldn't reduce myself to being friends when all I want is for her to come back.

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2 minutes ago, Kiryuin said:

She never had too much of an issue with it as she continued to call me as often as every other day, even when I'd tell her I was going out with friends. During our 3 years together she didn't complain much about it as she knew that I get nervous talking on the phone but I have absolutely no issues in person. I've made more of an attempt to call her this year but more than half of the time she wouldn't return my call. Now that I think of it, most of the times I'd be calling her when we had small arguments and she would pick up at times, except for the past month she wouldn't return any call.

There was no offer of a friendship in any way and I wouldn't reduce myself to being friends when all I want is for her to come back.

She wouldn't have picked up your calls in the last month because it doesn't sound like you put enough effort into calling her or initiating any conversations in the first two years. She had already checked out, was one foot out the door and no longer interested in investing in this relationship. 

Who did most planning or asking out on dates? Do you feel like the attraction was mutual in the first two years? I ask because it sounds like she was interested in seeing where this relationship went with you and sounded quite serious about you but her level of interest dropped after realizing that she wasn't getting what she needed out of it or it wasn't as reciprocal. Is this incorrect? 

It's only been a few days since the break up. You may not want her back after all is said and done and the dust is settled. Remember that a break is a statement that things are not what they should have been and that person or both individuals have stopped caring and investing in the relationship any longer. 

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Posted (edited)
43 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

She wouldn't have picked up your calls in the last month because it doesn't sound like you put enough effort into calling her or initiating any conversations in the first two years. She had already checked out, was one foot out the door and no longer interested in investing in this relationship. 

Who did most planning or asking out on dates? Do you feel like the attraction was mutual in the first two years? I ask because it sounds like she was interested in seeing where this relationship went with you and sounded quite serious about you but her level of interest dropped after realizing that she wasn't getting what she needed out of it or it wasn't as reciprocal. Is this incorrect? 

It's only been a few days since the break up. You may not want her back after all is said and done and the dust is settled. Remember that a break is a statement that things are not what they should have been and that person or both individuals have stopped caring and investing in the relationship any longer. 

I'm afraid it may be so. I think I improved in terms of calling her the past few months but it looks like it was too late at that point.

Most of the planning was done by me. Before COVID-19 I'd meet her every Thursday at her workplace when she was finishing up with work. At least once a month she would come to my workplace (family owned) and wait there for me for at least 5 hours till I finished and we would head to mine for her to stay over. I live with my family so she has met my family and my family loved her. I definitely believe & felt it was serious because we have talked about a potential marriage 2-3 years down the line & I seriously considered proposing to her on her birthday next month. We were each other's favourite hello & worst goodbye whenever we met up. I've met her best friend & we've had double dates together, even met her colleagues. She has met some of my friends too. Saying that I have only met her family once and they are accepting of me, even though we both come from different races.

What's eating at me is that now I wish I respected her wish of taking a break as she said it would 'best for both of us'. I demanded to know why but she would not tell me, only telling me 'idk' when I asked if we're still in a relationship. I spoke to her best friend twice and during our conversation she told me she doesn't know what she wants. Each passing day just feels worse than the other. Feels like my soul has been ripped from me & everything I do just reminds me of her. Being unemployed for 3 months and having a very small circle of friends adds more to the suffering too.

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2 hours ago, Kiryuin said:

call me and I won't lie, at times I wouldn't pick up the call because I get so nervous on the phone and I would run out of things to talk about. I have no problems texting and I communicate much better in person. She'd get upset at me but I did my best to improve myself in that aspect.

The last time I saw her physically was in November and I had no problem with that, London entered another lockdown. We agreed that the best time to meet up would be when malls reopen, she loved browsing stores. Ever since then, the amount of times she would call dropped a lot. I'd be lucky to get a call from her once a week, sometimes she called once every 2 weeks.

I guess you never called her.  But did you text often?

 

2 hours ago, Kiryuin said:

Instead she would reply to my messages an hour or 2 later. She loves playing PUBG on her phone and I would always tell her to message me when she's done with a game. But most of the time she'd start another game after ending the previous one, without messaging me back. It would upset me because I know everyone is glued to their phones and she knows that I've messaged her.

Her choice on when she will messege back.  No biggy.

2 hours ago, Kiryuin said:

She still follows me on all social media platforms & she hasn't blocked my number.

Was I right in asking her about once or twice a week about her level of communication with me dropping?

Yeah, she may follow you still etc, Is not like she hates you.. or has reason to block you.... Thing is, can YOU handle it?

Most often we need our own time to work on accepting & healing.. so we need no reminders and often cannot be 'friends' with an ex- especially when we are the one's who've been dumped 😕 

As for her disatancing from you- lack of communciation, I guess this could have been because  she was trying to pull away.. but did not how how or when to tell you her feelings.

 

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29 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

I guess you never called her.  But did you text often?

 

Her choice on when she will messege back.  No biggy.

Yeah, she may follow you still etc, Is not like she hates you.. or has reason to block you.... Thing is, can YOU handle it?

Most often we need our own time to work on accepting & healing.. so we need no reminders and often cannot be 'friends' with an ex- especially when we are the one's who've been dumped 😕 

As for her disatancing from you- lack of communciation, I guess this could have been because  she was trying to pull away.. but did not how how or when to tell you her feelings.

 

We texted everyday. There never was an issue texting right until the last month or two.

Yeah I don't think she hates me & I can't bring myself to hating her. After the last text asking for another chance in an attempt to try fixing things I feel much better, even if she didn't reply. Her birthday is a month away so I'm just going to text her a simple 'happy birthday' & with the expectation of no reply. Even though I've seen suggestions saying a birthday message would not help, I feel like I want to and it would eat at me if I didn't.

Funny enough during the first few months of our relationship, we both agreed that if we ever became unhappy we'd communicate it to each other. If I felt something was bothering me no matter how little, I'd tell her and she would instantly fix it. It's just too bad that she couldn't listen to my concern about the lack of communication near the end and that I felt she wasn't treating it like a relationship. I most likely influenced her decision when I asked if we were still together and then 2 days later asked if she was thinking of a break up, even though I had no intentions of doing so.

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6 minutes ago, Kiryuin said:

we both agreed that if we ever became unhappy we'd communicate it to each other. If I felt something was bothering me no matter how little, I'd tell her and she would instantly fix it. It's just too bad that she couldn't listen to my concern about the lack of communication near the end and that I felt she wasn't treating it like a relationship

Possibly because she was starting to pull away?  Hence the distancing.  Some don't know how to end things w/out feeling awful/ guilt 😕 .

 

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1 hour ago, Kiryuin said:

I'm afraid it may be so. I think I improved in terms of calling her the past few months but it looks like it was too late at that point.

Most of the planning was done by me. Before COVID-19 I'd meet her every Thursday at her workplace when she was finishing up with work. At least once a month she would come to my workplace (family owned) and wait there for me for at least 5 hours till I finished and we would head to mine for her to stay over. I live with my family so she has met my family and my family loved her. I definitely believe & felt it was serious because we have talked about a potential marriage 2-3 years down the line & I seriously considered proposing to her on her birthday next month. We were each other's favourite hello & worst goodbye whenever we met up. I've met her best friend & we've had double dates together, even met her colleagues. She has met some of my friends too. Saying that I have only met her family once and they are accepting of me, even though we both come from different races.

What's eating at me is that now I wish I respected her wish of taking a break as she said it would 'best for both of us'. I demanded to know why but she would not tell me, only telling me 'idk' when I asked if we're still in a relationship. I spoke to her best friend twice and during our conversation she told me she doesn't know what she wants. Each passing day just feels worse than the other. Feels like my soul has been ripped from me & everything I do just reminds me of her. Being unemployed for 3 months and having a very small circle of friends adds more to the suffering too.

From what I'm reading she's very explicit this is over.

I don't think that her lack of communication was to intentionally hurt you. It sounds like she has genuinely checked out of the relationship. Why are you so hard on yourself about asking why the relationship was over? Break ups can be tough and messy. 

Avoid contacting her friends and family. You're crossing lines there and it's inappropriate if you continue to spy on her that way or get an 'in' into what she's thinking. None of that looks good on you because you can bet all that info is going back to her. You're only hurting yourself, preventing any healing that can take place. 

It's good that you live with family. Do you get along with them?

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1 hour ago, SooSad33 said:

Possibly because she was starting to pull away?  Hence the distancing.  Some don't know how to end things w/out feeling awful/ guilt 😕 .

 

Yep.. Even during our last call, the call to break things off, she barely said anything. All she said is that she doesn't feel the same anymore & when I asked if she had any final words, she said she sucks & she's sorry. This is after I heaped praises on her. Another thing is while I was offering my final words, I was telling her how much of a wonderful person she was & that the next person she would be with is going to be the luckiest man in the world. This is seriously burning me because I just wish it would be me.

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1 hour ago, Rose Mosse said:

From what I'm reading she's very explicit this is over.

I don't think that her lack of communication was to intentionally hurt you. It sounds like she has genuinely checked out of the relationship. Why are you so hard on yourself about asking why the relationship was over? Break ups can be tough and messy. 

Avoid contacting her friends and family. You're crossing lines there and it's inappropriate if you continue to spy on her that way or get an 'in' into what she's thinking. None of that looks good on you because you can bet all that info is going back to her. You're only hurting yourself, preventing any healing that can take place. 

It's good that you live with family. Do you get along with them?

I have very low self-esteem and no matter the situation and no matter how right I might be in some situations, I always feel guilt and remorse. I've messed up pretty much everything in my life. Finding her & giving her my heart gave me purpose. No matter what hardship I faced, having her in my life made everything better. I am aware that I'm destroying myself mentally by constantly making up different scenarios, asking myself if I could have approached & handled things differently. I hate that I constantly over think and I'm so sorry about all of this coming across as a sob-story.

Contacting her best friend was an absolute last resort & I promised to not bother her apart from the few messages between us & the 2 occasions of me calling her. It did not help much either way. Though I did text her when it ended & I just got the generic 'good luck in life, start a new chapter'

I get along with my family, yes. I'm lucky that my parents listen to my every rant, every outburst and one day I will appreciate the tough Mediterranean love they are giving me to get me through this.

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Yup, I get it 😕 .. Been there a cpl times.

I've seen mention, before.. a way to fight it all as we work on accepting, etc.. Is to make them look bad- like do not put them on a pedestal, instead point out some bad things you didn't like of them..or thing that pissed you off!  To try & convince your mind that they were not so great!

And... was their loss.  Because we ARE good.

Just try to aim for reason.  

Yes, we are good... but we cannot make someone love us.. If they walk away, whatever reason's they have.. can't do it, fell out of love, etc... Yeah, we do need to accept that.

But. do not just see this as whomever she is with next would be 'the luckiest'.  No.

Don't see it that way.. don't even think that way.

No one knows how things will be in a year from now.. or 5 yrs.  We dont know IF their next one will work out either.

This is just how it is.

We work on healing.. and we have to move on. This will all ease off in time.  

 

 

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7 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Yup, I get it 😕 .. Been there a cpl times.

I've seen mention, before.. a way to fight it all as we work on accepting, etc.. Is to make them look bad- like do not put them on a pedestal, instead point out some bad things you didn't like of them..or thing that pissed you off!  To try & convince your mind that they were not so great!

And... was their loss.  Because we ARE good.

Just try to aim for reason.  

Yes, we are good... but we cannot make someone love us.. If they walk away, whatever reason's they have.. can't do it, fell out of love, etc... Yeah, we do need to accept that.

But. do not just see this as whomever she is with next would be 'the luckiest'.  No.

Don't see it that way.. don't even think that way.

No one knows how things will be in a year from now.. or 5 yrs.  We dont know IF their next one will work out either.

This is just how it is.

We work on healing.. and we have to move on. This will all ease off in time.  

 

 

At times I do feel disappointed with her. I'm trying to convince myself that she took the easy way out by giving up on me and that I should not accept anything less than 100% from someone who supposedly loved me. All I wanted to do was hear her voice more often and with restrictions easing up, wanted to see her. Absolutely no mistake in that, these are natural wants & needs in a relationship. I believe I can feel somewhat proud that I did all my best and I did not hurt or harm her in any way. 

In the end I still have myself and I can now focus on myself and improve myself. I guess I just felt too comfortable and only wanted to better her & not myself.

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It all takes time.....

This is all still very fresh.  And if your heart was in it, it will hurt a while.  Until you don't feel so affected by it all.

So, maybe find ways to keep yourself busy.  Get out for a walk.. get into a hobby.. Journal.- that is another good 'release', by getting it out in another form.

BU's are never easy.. and each time we risk this, this is a risk we seem to accept taking.

Which is why I am not going there.. I'm mentally & emotionally burned out.  I do not have that energy to try anymore.

And I am okay with that.  I prefer it that way, as I can't handle such demands & expectations within a relationship, etc.

No matter what has happened this last while, as mentioned, she was already checking out - despite that issue you're stuck on re: trying to get her to talk, reach out etc. - As, when someone is backing off- becoming distant, this is how they are.

Excuses.. less & less available, or trying.  Just dies off 😕 

anyways... one day at a time.  You will meet many others out there.. this is not it for you.  Give it time 🙂 

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8 hours ago, Kiryuin said:

I feel guilty for constantly harping on about the issue and maybe I should've accepted her offer of a break

This would not have made any difference. It would have just been a prelude to the inevitable break-up. 

It hurts a lot, but she did the right thing ending it. She was clearly very checked out and not interested anymore. Her behaviour over the last couple months certainly supports her claim that she doesn't have those feelings for you any longer. She obviously doesn't, unfortunately. 

Don't beat yourself up for harping on about the issue, either. While that might have annoyed her, it ultimately wasn't the real problem. You were simply correctly recognizing that she was drifting away and the relationship was falling apart. Whether or not you questioned her about it would not have changed the outcome here, I don't believe. She was still moving in another direction. 

Take the lessons here moving forward. Don't expect the lady in your life to be doing all the calling until it's too late. That was something that was important to her, and she expressed that to you. I'm not saying this is all your fault, but you can learn from some of these things. 

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11 hours ago, Kiryuin said:

I have very low self-esteem and no matter the situation and no matter how right I might be in some situations, I always feel guilt and remorse. I've messed up pretty much everything in my life. Finding her & giving her my heart gave me purpose. No matter what hardship I faced, having her in my life made everything better. I am aware that I'm destroying myself mentally by constantly making up different scenarios, asking myself if I could have approached & handled things differently. I hate that I constantly over think and I'm so sorry about all of this coming across as a sob-story.

Contacting her best friend was an absolute last resort & I promised to not bother her apart from the few messages between us & the 2 occasions of me calling her. It did not help much either way. Though I did text her when it ended & I just got the generic 'good luck in life, start a new chapter'

I get along with my family, yes. I'm lucky that my parents listen to my every rant, every outburst and one day I will appreciate the tough Mediterranean love they are giving me to get me through this.

I was very low also not so long ago and am acutely aware of those extremes in mood, feeling lost or hurt. I still think you are being hard on yourself. It's only been three or four days since the break up, barely a week. 

What you need is a lot more time. Give yourself weeks, a few months. 

The part that stood out to me was the bold area above. I hope that you're able to find work and a purpose. How is the job search coming along?

They're important to every individual and I don't recommend anyone going out into the dating world without individual goals, purpose or a grounded sense of self and what happiness means. Meeting others or dating someone is a mix of those elements. She could have also sensed that you had lost your own purpose in life or become a bit lost or wandering. It's also a great burden to place on someone if you're making the other person's happiness your goal.

Once you've got the ball rolling again with being employed and motivated, things will change for you but you'll have to want those things for yourself. 

Good that you've got family you can lean on. 

 

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  • 3 weeks later...
Posted (edited)

I have an update. I went on her Instagram profile last Thursday & clicked on the last photo she posted, which was on 3 April. I noticed a comment, which said 'My girl 🌹🌹' & it was from a man. I immediately sent the guy a follow request & asked him how he knew my ex. After some back & forth of him me asking him how he was related to my ex & his reluctance to tell me, I then told him who I was. He was trying to act cool by telling me he doesn't care several times & that I should talk to my ex, but deep down I knew he was linked to my ex in some romantic level as he was getting really defensive & refused to tell me who he was.

The following morning he told me that he has been dating my ex for 24 days. At that time it had only been 19 days since I broke up with my ex. My ex also sent me a text saying "wt.f is wrong with you. Going behind my back stalking me and messaging people around me....STOP I don't like it move on okay" to which I replied "How dare you cheat on me? I've done nothing wrong & you cheat on me after we gave each other 3 years. The audacity of you"

I spoke to her friend last Saturday & she told me that they met each other on PUBG Mobile. The guy does not live in the UK & her friend said she doesn't think they will last long & was questioning how they even caught feelings for each other. They have already made plans to meet up in October. She also told me that they had an argument during that same morning but everything was fine by their lunch break. My unemployment became somewhat of an issue for her & her friend told me that was she was worried about how I could provide for her in the future. Since the last time I saw my ex physically in November, she has been playing the game a lot more than usual, to the point of her replying to my messages at a slower rate than usual & not accepting my calls. She has some male buddies playing the game with her & I thought nothing would ever come out of it because she would play the game while she would be with me/family physically.

What I know from this situation is that they must have been known each other for quite some time as they play the game on a regular basis. As the comment on Instagram came last month, they must have been talking romantically for longer than a month while she was acting cold & stringing me along throughout this time. I can only wonder if the guy knew that my ex was still in a relationship with me. After knowing all of this, I finally stopped feeling guilty about the situation as she was acting unfaithfully & I did everything in my power to save a relationship she was actively sabotaging.

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Please stop all of this behavior.  Contacting her new boyfriend, her friends...all that will get you is a do not contact order and trouble from the authorities.

You now know she at least was pursuing someone else while allegedly still with you.  She is not worth anymore of your efforts.

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by your actions, you have just put the last nail in your relationship coffin. She broke up with you for a reason and all you did was validate those reasons and I think you have completely destroyed any chance even tho it was very little to begin with. Why on Earth would you contact a complete stranger to ask how does she know your X? This is not fighting for a relationship this is a way to finalizing a relationship. 

You are or were living in a fantasy world driven by movies or the tele on how you should "fight" to keep a relationship together. In simple terms, it takes two people to make it work and if one person wants out or doesnt want to be in it anymore, then its doomed. 

You are also holding on to the past promises and thinking somehow holding it to her is enough to make her realize her "mistake". But all those past promises no longer matter. They have to be thrown out because they are now just words. So dont think she owes you anything. You had years with her and now she is no longer interested in you. Doesnt mean there was fault or blame or the reason has to be valid because it no longer matters. She checked out long time ago and pulled away and the harder you tried to hold on, the worse you made it. Now with contacting this other guy she wont know about it? Very bad move. Ill be surprised if she ever speaks to you again. 

But you have to realize a few things. The relationship is over, its done, no going back. You have to accept she is going to kiss, hug, smile and have sex with another guy. It sucks, it hurts and its not easy to accept, but you have to accept that this is reality. Im sorry to be the one that has to tell you that. But in that, look at the positives. You attracted a good girl and no reason why you cant do it again. But you have to work on you first. The happier you make yourself, the easier it will be to attract a new girl. You can read this and think I dont want another one, but she has sailed away so again, accept that it has to be with someone new and not a replacement. Another thing is that the sun still rose and it still set and life did move on. This means that you are the only one that controls your happiness. 

You are on your own path now, Do NOT contact her, look at her social media, call her, text her, think she wants to hear from you because she doesnt. Any messages she sent you, delete them, any emails, cards, gifts or anything she gave you that invokes an emotion, you must get rid of them. Leave her alone. Live your life. 

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23 minutes ago, No1 said:

by your actions, you have just put the last nail in your relationship coffin. She broke up with you for a reason and all you did was validate those reasons and I think you have completely destroyed any chance even tho it was very little to begin with. 

I do not want her back. Cheating is a boundary for me & she crossed that line. She was too much of a coward to give me closure properly so I'd like to think I succeeded in obtaining it myself. Knowing the true reason makes me feel so much better.

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okay so you said what you had to say, so now you can move on and let it go. No need to check her social media or call her or text her. clean slate from this day forward. right?

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4 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Please stop all of this behavior.  Contacting her new boyfriend, her friends

Agreed. That was very inappropriate of you, OP. You need to get a handle on yourself and your emotions and learn about boundaries. 

In any case, you need to really let go. She has moved on, and now you have no reason to follow her social media at all or contact her ever again. 

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10 hours ago, Kiryuin said:

. My ex also sent me a text saying "wt.f is wrong with you. Going behind my back stalking me and messaging people around me....STOP I don't like it move on okay" .

She has an excellent point. You do need to move on.

Delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Round out your life. Don't waste your time harassing and stalking exes and thier people.

Read up on the stalking laws in your jurisdiction. You just provided her with a bunch of evidence.

Get a grip. 

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