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Girl said I was smothering her


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Okay, so I’ve been seeing this girl for about 7 months now. Everything has been absolutely great, shes very open to me and I respect her space when ever she needs it. The last month has probably been the best it’s been since we got together, conversation flowing and no issues at all. But over the weekend I think I came off as abit needy, she was out with friends and didn’t reply to my text and I made the huge mistake in asking why didn’t you reply. I regretted sending it straight away as I know she hates the neediness feeling. We talk a lot nearly everyday and on Sunday I bombarded her with snaps out of the blue she didn’t reply to any which I was ok with no issue. I text her Monday afternoon asking if she was okay because I felt she became distant over the weekend and she’s never like that. She told me she felt I was suffocating her and I texted her back later than night saying I didn’t mean it to come off like that, she hasn’t even read the text which points to me she just dosent want to talk and that’s fine I’ve clearly annoyed her. It’s her birthday in a few weeks so I was thinking of just go no contact until then? But it’s very to hard to go from talking nearly every day to silence. Any advice is appreciated. I know this girl likes me a lot and I think I just came on way too strong at the weekend and probably shouldn’t have even messaged her back. 

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I disagree that if a partner waited one or two weeks without replying that you should act upbeat. That's acting like a doormat who will accept this unacceptable treatment. If a person can't properly c

Rather than swinging from one extreme of bombarding her with messages to another extreme of completely disappearing, just chill out. Right now, the ball is in her court and there is nothing you c

If you spend time w/ friends and hobbies and have never been accused of being clingy in past relationships, then you should realize this is an incompatibility issue. She needs a lot of space, which yo

Rather than swinging from one extreme of bombarding her with messages to another extreme of completely disappearing, just chill out.

Right now, the ball is in her court and there is nothing you can do one way or the other. She told you how she feels, you said you are sorry. Now YOU wait on her to cool off and respond to you when she is ready. When/if she does respond, then do respond promptly, just don't bombard. Keep the conversation normal. If you know she is busy or out with friends, leave her alone and talk to her the following day - ask how things went.

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24 minutes ago, Luis89 said:

I respect her space when ever she needs it. The last month has probably been the best it’s been since we got together, conversation flowing and no issues at all. But over the weekend I think I came off as abit needy, she was out with friends and didn’t reply to my text and I made the huge mistake in asking why didn’t you reply.

The last month... has been the best? No issue's.. So, has there been some issue's with you two up to then?

Is it that you've done this type of thing before? - be a bit needy?

IF you have a history of this... then, most likely, you acting out again, over the weekend, has ticked her off, yet again...

People need a life outside their relationship.. they need respect and trust.

You should also have a life.. do you hang w/ friends?  have a hobby?  Where you can take a breather away from her & enjoy your own time?

 

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8 minutes ago, DancingFool said:

Rather than swinging from one extreme of bombarding her with messages to another extreme of completely disappearing, just chill out.

Right now, the ball is in her court and there is nothing you can do one way or the other. She told you how she feels, you said you are sorry. Now YOU wait on her to cool off and respond to you when she is ready. When/if she does respond, then do respond promptly, just don't bombard. Keep the conversation normal. If you know she is busy or out with friends, leave her alone and talk to her the following day - ask how things went.

The thing that has me frustrated is the fact she hasn’t even opened my text where I said sorry to her. I won’t be sending her another text because that’ll just prove I’m “smothering” her. She can be stubborn at times, and she’d rather not talk at all and go silent then air things out. 

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1 minute ago, SooSad33 said:

The last month... has been the best? No issue's.. So, has there been some issue's with you two up to then?

Is it that you've done this type of thing before? - be a bit needy?

IF you have a history of this... then, most likely, you acting out again, over the weekend, has ticked her off, yet again...

People need a life outside their relationship.. they need respect and trust.

You should also have a life.. do you hang w/ friends?  have a hobby?  Where you can take a breather away from her & enjoy your own time?

 

There’s been periods where she dosent want to talk and I’ve completely respected and have given her space. 
I might have been a bit needy to her in the past. She has told me the last guy she was with was needy and that I gave the same energy to her over the weekend. 
Yes I’ve plenty of friends and hobbies I’m just worried I’ve really ticked her off because it’s not like her to completely ignore me but I understand she needs space atm. 
 

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Ahh, so she is reflecting back.. to her past.

So, it has been 7 months.... did she just jump from him to you?

If she's still affected from her past, this isn't too good.

Just give her some space.. see if she comes around.  Is good if things with her have mostly been good.

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3 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Ahh, so she is reflecting back.. to her past.

So, it has been 7 months.... did she just jump from him to you?

If she's still affected from her past, this isn't too good.

Just give her some space.. see if she comes around.  Is good if things with her have mostly been good.

As far as I’m aware no she didn’t, she told me she really dosent like male attention to much, the fact we’re together 7 months is good thing. 
I really think I’ve just crossed a line with her over the weekend and she’d rather go silent instead of any confrontation. 
I also know she’s busy with University etc and I had planned not to talk to her much over the next few weeks anyway, just unfortunately this happened at the weekend I guess. 

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Ohh, k.. So, she's not one to want or need so much attention.  Is okay then, if you are fine with that.

The fact that you've been together 7 months is a good thing? lol

Do you mean relationships with her are not much known to last?  Do you know her track record?

Yes.. If she's busy with schooling, for sure, as she's asked, leave her to it.

 

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1 minute ago, SooSad33 said:

Ohh, k.. So, she's not one to want or need so much attention.  Is okay then, if you are fine with that.

The fact that you've been together 7 months is a good thing? lol

Do you mean relationships with her are not much known to last?  Do you know her track record?

Yes.. If she's busy with schooling, for sure, as she's asked, leave her to it.

 

I mean the fact she dosent like male attention and she’s been with me for 7 months is good. There’s obviously trust there. She has never been in a proper relationship she’s had flings and she definitely isn’t the type to have one night stands as I said she hates male attention. 
I just don’t like being flat out ignored by people that’s so irritating, but I’m not gonna text her that’ll achieve nothing. But I’ve just noticed she deleted me off her private story, but stuff like that means nothing to me I’m not a child.  

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12 minutes ago, Luis89 said:

There’s obviously trust there. She has never been in a proper relationship

Wow.. and hates male attention? 😕 ...

So, with her 'trust' issue's and never been in a proper relationship- how well do YOU feel this is going to work out?

And, that she has deleted you off something...Yeah, how nice,

Just don't go chasing then, if this is what she's expecting.

I suggest if she continues to avoid you for a week +, maybe consider just walking away?

Find someone who is actually interested enough to be truly involved with you?

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1 hour ago, Luis89 said:

she was out with friends and didn’t reply to my text and I made the huge mistake in asking why didn’t you reply. . I text her Monday afternoon asking if she was okay because I felt she became distant over the weekend and she’s never like that. She told me she felt I was suffocating her 

Have you met in person? How often do you go on dates? Stay no contact.

Get a handle on controlling, possessive and jealous behavior.

 Her friends and family most likely advised her to end it and not reply because your text-tethering and controlling behavior is a huge red flag.

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2 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Wow.. and hates male attention? 😕 ...

So, with her 'trust' issue's and never been in a proper relationship- how well do YOU feel this is going to work out?

And, that she has deleted you off something...Yeah, how nice,

Just don't go chasing then, if this is what she's expecting.

I suggest if she continues to avoid you for a week +, maybe consider just walking away?

Find someone who is actually interested enough to be truly involved with you?

I hopeful she’s just pissed off and after a week she’ll be okay, but there is apart of me that thinks maybe she dosent want to say it’s over cause it’ll hurt me. 
I’m not interested in playing chasing games either, I wish she’d just look at my apology I sent her and if she dosent want to reply that’s absolutely okay. 
Maybe her giving me the silent treatment is just her way of dealing with things? 

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Yeah, well if this is how she deals with things.. she maybe shouldn't even be involved.

Silent treatment...doesn't like male attention... blocking you.

Doesn't sound too positive.

She lacks in ability to communicate, I feel.  She's got issue's w/ men, etc.

Yeah.. no thanks.  Why the hassle wondering, being concerned & avoided?

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3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Have you met in person? How often do you go on dates? Stay no contact.

Get a handle on controlling, possessive and jealous behavior.

 Her friends and family most likely advised her to end it and not reply because your text-tethering and controlling behavior is a huge red flag.

Yes but I’ve been away with work recently and haven’t been out as much. 
If she wanted to end things I’d appreciate some sort of respect and she’d say it instead of just ignoring me. But I genuinely don’t believe that’s the case and I think I just crossed the line. If she blocks me on socials well then that’s a different story but that hasn’t happened. 

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4 minutes ago, Luis89 said:

Maybe her giving me the silent treatment is just her way of dealing with things? 

Telling you directly and specifically that "you are smothering me", is Not the silent treatment. It's a healthy statement of appropriate boundaries in response to your out-of-control invasive behaviors.

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Just now, SooSad33 said:

Yeah, well if this is how she deals with things.. she maybe shouldn't even be involved.

Silent treatment...doesn't like male attention... blocking you.

Doesn't sound too positive.

She lacks in ability to communicate, I feel.  She's got issue's w/ men, etc.

Yeah.. no thanks.  Why the hassle wondering, being concerned & avoided?

Maybe I should have mentioned earlier her parents aren’t together and she dosent really have a relationship with her father he lives in another country as far as I’m aware. 
She’s never gone silent before, but I completely agree she can’t communicate very well or maybe just chooses not too to avoid confrontation. 
I’ll give her space but as I said I’m not chasing any girl that never ends well especially if they’ve said I’ve “suffocated” her. 
 

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My guess is that if she replies to your text right now, there's a chance you're going to reply back. Then, she'll have to carry a conversation, which she doesn't want to do at the moment. So, it's easier for her not to reply back just yet. Again, just a guess.

When someone wants to talk to you, they usually do. Doesn't matter how busy they are.

Also, lots of people don't "officially" (when ticks turn blue or some other colour) read a text until they are going to reply back. So I wouldn't stress about it. She'll talk to you when she's ready. In the meantime, as difficult as this is, I'd try to focus on other things.

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5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Telling you directly and specifically that "you are smothering me", is Not the silent treatment. It's a healthy statement of appropriate boundaries in response to your out-of-control invasive behaviors.

Yes I understand that. But it is silent treatment when they just ignore your apology. Should I just leave it for a couple of weeks or just let it go? As I said she’s never had a relationship and I feel I crossed the line. 

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Do not contact her.   Wait for her to respond to you.  

At seven months it does not seem that your relationship has progressed very far.  Are you dating exclusively?

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3 minutes ago, greendots said:

My guess is that if she replies to your text right now, there's a chance you're going to reply back. Then, she'll have to carry a conversation, which she doesn't want to do at the moment.

Yes this is exactly how I think she feels and I probably will end up replying straight away which isn’t healthy. As I keep saying I won’t be texting her I respect her space and she clearly just isn’t in the mood to talk that’s fine. Just a little disheartening that she can’t just acknowledge my apology. 

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2 minutes ago, Hollyj said:

Do not contact her.   Wait for her to respond to you.  

At seven months it does not seem that your relationship has progressed very far.  Are you dating exclusively?

Yes we’re exclusive. She has some guy friends but I mentioned she does not like male attention and I’m not worried about her cheating etc. Sometimes it hard to understand how people just completely ignore you. 

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Just now, Luis89 said:

Yes this is exactly how I think she feels and I probably will end up replying straight away which isn’t healthy. As I keep saying I won’t be texting her I respect her space and she clearly just isn’t in the mood to talk that’s fine. Just a little disheartening that she can’t just acknowledge my apology. 

She probably read your apology (on her notifications). Let her deal with her own issues and when she's ready to communicate with you, she will.

Honestly, replying straight away is generally a good thing. Except when they have asked for space and when you're too available.

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1 minute ago, greendots said:

She probably read your apology (on her notifications). Let her deal with her own issues and when she's ready to communicate with you, she will.

Honestly, replying straight away is generally a good thing. Except when they have asked for space and when you're too available.

Hopefully but I don’t think she has. I’ve no problem giving her space that’s not an issue. If she wanted to end things I just want to air things out then go out separate ways instead of just stopping one day. If you understand?

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21 minutes ago, Luis89 said:

Should I just leave it for a couple of weeks or just let it go?

If you leave it.. for a couple of weeks, I'd say it's done.

If someone ignores me for that long, that says enough.  I can understand to need to be left alone to think things through or be really busy to get things done & dealt with, BUT a true partner, who wants to try, does not ignore you for this long.

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If you spend time w/ friends and hobbies and have never been accused of being clingy in past relationships, then you should realize this is an incompatibility issue. She needs a lot of space, which you've had to give her, and you would rather have more regular companionship with a love interest.

Best to choose someone who shares your dating style, which she clearly doesn't. And it's always wise to look at someone's relationship history. She's never had a longterm one, has emotional baggage, and so you shouldn't have expected this would result in anything of significance.

There are other pretty, single women who you can date who won't need so much space from you like you're a toxic garbage dump and who doesn't make you feel like your foundation with her is built on sea sand versus concrete.

Relationships always require a healthy balance of time alone, time with each other, and time with friend/family/hobbies/career. This relationship lacks that balance. You don't need to hear from her on closure. Make your own closure and end what's totally not working. With what you've written, if I hadn't known this was a 7 month relationship, I would've guessed it was only a few months in the making. Seems like a very shallow connection to me that should've been leagues ahead by now.

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