Is keeping busy the right or wrong thing to do?

[GB11CR7]

Wasn't sure where to put this  but it ties in with lonliness too.

So I'm having really bad spells at the moment. This morning I was feeling so low I was having suicidal thoughts (I'd never go through with it).

But I've been reading a lot of Eckart Tolle lately and his lesson is learning to be with your thoughts, whatever they may be, coming back to the present moment and being one with now. Although I practice this, it doesn't overall help me.

I find that I need to be out of my house... even if it's just going for a long drive. That coupled with reassuring myself I won't be lonely forever is what gives me hope, not sitting in my house all day meditating.

Today for example... I've gone from feeling as low as ever this morning to now looking forward to going out for a drive when I finish work. Is this just masking my problems or has anyone had success in actually 'staying busy' even if it means going for a walk or drive by yourself?

 

[Rose Mosse]

I think it's still fresh for you. Break up in Jan? Mine was Jan 2020 over a year ago and I'm still getting used to being single and exploring my own thoughts and free time, made a bit worse that we had to sell our house and the divorce proceedings. All that is done now, thankfully. 

I don't know what your other problems are but I don't think going for drives is masking anything. Why do you say that? 

I stay busy by doing things I love to do whether it's getting more situated in my new place or gardening or fixing things up the way I like. You're not expected to sit indoors and fester forever. It's good to get out for some fresh air. I often go down to the beach which is a few minutes drive away and sometimes take my work there. There's wifi in some spots. There is always something to do or something to replace or get for the house. 

I enjoy being with my own thoughts. I think this comes with time. Give yourself more time to situate yourself. Hope you feel better soon. 

 

[GB11CR7]

1 hour ago, Rose Mosse said:

I think it's still fresh for you. Break up in Jan? Mine was Jan 2020 over a year ago and I'm still getting used to being single and exploring my own thoughts and free time, made a bit worse that we had to sell our house and the divorce proceedings. All that is done now, thankfully. 

I don't know what your other problems are but I don't think going for drives is masking anything. Why do you say that? 

I stay busy by doing things I love to do whether it's getting more situated in my new place or gardening or fixing things up the way I like. You're not expected to sit indoors and fester forever. It's good to get out for some fresh air. I often go down to the beach which is a few minutes drive away and sometimes take my work there. There's wifi in some spots. There is always something to do or something to replace or get for the house. 

I enjoy being with my own thoughts. I think this comes with time. Give yourself more time to situate yourself. Hope you feel better soon. 

 

Thank you. Yes January, although for the first few months I was OK. Wasn’t and still not even getting the urge to meet up with others girls, I was just solely focusing on myself.

Now whether because summer is on its way, covid is dispersing (at least where I am anyway) or whatever but why only now am I starting to hurt?

Before I could probably sit with my thoughts all day at home but now I need to get out and stay busy as I can. 
 

You are lucky to be by the beach, I hope you are doing a lot better following your break up. 

 

[DancingFool]

No, you are not masking problems, you are actually listening to what you need and following that. That's fantastic.

There is no one size fits all approach to anything. Some people can sit and meditate or do yoga and it feels great for them. It doesn't work for me.

I'm actually like you that when frustrated or when I need to solve issues, going for a drive, especially on country roads clears my mind and solutions appear. The changing scenery stimulates your brain positively.

 

[Rose Mosse]

58 minutes ago, GB11CR7 said:

Thank you. Yes January, although for the first few months I was OK. Wasn’t and still not even getting the urge to meet up with others girls, I was just solely focusing on myself.

Now whether because summer is on its way, covid is dispersing (at least where I am anyway) or whatever but why only now am I starting to hurt?

Before I could probably sit with my thoughts all day at home but now I need to get out and stay busy as I can. 
 

You are lucky to be by the beach, I hope you are doing a lot better following your break up. 

 

It comes in waves. Healing isn't linear and it doesn't happen in a zippy clean line. Give yourself more time and don't be so harsh on yourself. 

There is nothing wrong with being out and about. 

I'm doing fine. Thanks for the kind words. Infinitely happier than I used to be and glad to be on my own. 

[SooSad33]

Yes. Getting yourself out of those 4 walls is good!

Get out & see some nature.. it does the mind some good. Even going shopping.

to sit in your 4 walls is straining.  You need some change.. some positive vibes.

Also, how about a hobby/craft.. Do you journal - another way to 'release'.  

Even meeting a friend for a coffee is beneficial.

One day at a time... and self care ❤️ 

 

[GB11CR7]

14 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Yes. Getting yourself out of those 4 walls is good!

Get out & see some nature.. it does the mind some good. Even going shopping.

to sit in your 4 walls is straining.  You need some change.. some positive vibes.

Also, how about a hobby/craft.. Do you journal - another way to 'release'.  

Even meeting a friend for a coffee is beneficial.

One day at a time... and self care ❤️ 

 

Thank you, I have been going for walks around my local parks and you are quite right, it’s very helpful! 

I have just gone and bought a notepad and pens to do some journaling. Silly question... do I just write down how I feel? 

[SooSad33]

21 minutes ago, GB11CR7 said:

I have just gone and bought a notepad and pens to do some journaling. Silly question... do I just write down how I feel? 

Yes.  I find when I go write in my journal, its often because I have a lot going on up there 😕 ... and it's overwhelming.

It often happened when I had an ex mess me around- to the point I was fuming!  So, I'd go to my book & just say it all there.  Was like I was telling him off.. and I'd keep doing that.  Could be several times a day and for months.

Another time I went back to 'write' my thoughts was times when my son was ill.. so I'd 'release' it on there... So, I found it helpful to just 'get it out' that way.

Do it as you please.  I taught this to a few friends.  They also got a journal going.  I said 'write it out', just go write & write some more.. as you try to cope/ or work things out.

I have been on my own a good while and I am good with that... as I say, don't get involved and you won't get hurt 😉 , lol.  I am fine doing my own things, my way and having 'my time'. - much needed and NO stressors or bs.

Even doing such things as a hobby ( i learned crochet last year & bake a lot).. I also coloured a lot for a while. I get lost in my tunes sometimes and enjoy my shows each day... Also, your senses help. - I had bad anxiety & had to find things to help - touch, smells - so I got into scented candles, freshly baked bread, cakes.. and even coffee.. Just stuff to help.

 

[LaHermes]

23 minutes ago, GB11CR7 said:

do I just write down how I feel? 

Whatever is most comfortable for you GB. Maybe it would be easier for you to write down as if you were telling your thoughts, concerns and wishes to an invisible person sitting beside you there. 

[Jibralta]

On 5/4/2021 at 9:49 AM, GB11CR7 said:

Is this just masking my problems or has anyone had success in actually 'staying busy' even if it means going for a walk or drive by yourself?

I don't think it's masking your problems at all. It's well-spent downtime, in my experience. Gives you space to simply exist.

22 hours ago, GB11CR7 said:

Silly question... do I just write down how I feel? 

You can literally write down anything you want. You can list your feelings, describe situations, discuss thoughts, draw pictures, paste magazine clippings. Everybody does it differently. Some people have long journals, some have short journals. It's completely up to you, and it can change over time, as you see fit.