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So there's this guy I was seeing for a few months. We had an unbelievable connection, I really felt like we were falling for each other, very fast. He always would ask me out and we would constantly catch up for coffee dates and study dates and dinners. He used to ring me so many times during the day, every minute he could get. He once even rang me 22 times a day. 

However, he didn't ask me to be his girlfriend yet. So, when the time came and I asked what his intentions were, he thought that I wanted to wait. Which in the first month or so, I thought I did but not at least three-four months later. He told me he was waiting for the day I said I wanted to be more exclusive and so he wanted to ask me out right away. Not long after he picked a little detail of my lifestyle, something extremely small, and used it as a reason to question if we should actually be exclusive or not. It was such a small thing that I was so confused, and it called us to take a break for a few months. It was almost as if he used the 'it's not you, it's me' card. 

So, I was silent for a few months, but the day we took our break I gave him a letter writing about my feelings to him. It wasn't so much a love confession, just something to show the kind of person I am. I thought if we had the same connection he would understand. 

Then, weeks turned into months and we hadn't spoken for at least three months. During that time I was always posting myself and friends on social media, because they always made me happy and I loved sharing the great things we did together but I was always respectful.  

But, during that time he was posting himself and friends with girls at clubs. Always, exposing how they would flirt and get numbers etc. I was extremely hurt but remained silent. 

Recently, I got an unexpected phone call from him where, long story short, he described how painful it was being separate from me and how stupid the reason for our break up was. Which I agree. However, I was hurt and said that he needs to work for it, after the stunt he continued to pull when we were apart. 

The next day, he told me something he was lying to me about for a long time. I had asked him about this earlier on in the relationship and he blatantly said no. However, he had lied to me about it because he thought that I wouldn't like it. 

To be honest, the thing he lied about wasn't my concern. It was the fact that he lied to me about it for so long to my face that hurt me the most. It made me discover that his lie was 99% the reason why he wanted our break in the first place. 

I was angry at the time but the next day I ended the relationship in a calm matter. 

I was expecting him to try and win be back in some way but in our conversation he didn't even argue, he 'didn't know what to say' and left it there as friends. 

I feel so awful and sick. I also miss him but I know that he hurt me so much. 

Did I overreact? Can someone please tell me what this man's intentions were? 

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Sorry this happened. Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps

He's a player with a lot of double talk.

Next time as soon as the relationship gets physical insist on exclusivity...or go no further and walk away.

Never beg a guy to be your BF or for labels.

If you want an exclusive relationship, it's an action, not a talk 

And that action is sex with only each other or not at all.

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Brush yourself off from this and pay no mind. What I'm reading is that you are truly believing you both had a connection but I think that was likely just a ruse and it wasn't real. You get to see what a person is like when dating so it's good of you to observe. Now put those observations to use and walk away. You don't keep engaging with someone who is dissimilar to you or incompatible to you. 

You seem to have a punishing or manipulative streak and I say this with kindness because it'll just come back to bite you in the butt as it is right now.

Once someone shows you what they are, just walk away. Don't expect them to make it up to you or prove to you that they care. That really IS it. There is nothing else to it.

You keep tricking yourself into believing that there's something more by allowing him to change his tune. Cut that all out. You don't need that. 

 

 

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You two 'took a break'.. and for a few months. Seemed like he had an issue? ( but acted out with it's not you, it's me).

Then, you continued to remain connected on FB? So you could see all of each other's life events going on.

One thing to do.. is to NOT try to make the other jealous, That's nasty 😕 

Moving on, you reconnect and you became upset with him because he had  lied to you about something... so you pulled away again,

Nothing of this is 'stable', as you two are not so compatible, as it seems.

So, you walk away and stay away now.  No more following or leading each other on.

you have your reasons for reacting the way you did.

Leave him be now.

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Not long after he picked a little detail of my lifestyle, something extremely small, and used it as a reason to question if we should actually be exclusive or not.

I'm curious what this detail is.

I'm also curious what this lie of his was about.  

You don't have to say. But it seems to me he was being deceitful and manipulative from the start. 

I don't think he's as relationship minded as he wants you to think he is. 

 

 

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

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