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Puppy has been killed by car - i am angry with family


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2 minutes ago, Hollyj said:

I don't understand the feeding bit either.   

Your mother will not speak to you if you call your sister on her behavior?  What is the history with these people?

My mother was abusive towards me as a child as she does not like males and I am a male. We are not close but have been on civil terms for nearly 10 years now so seems a shame to go back to the old days of bad blood. My sister is my mother's world as I mentioned earlier.

My main fear is if I say anything to my sister then my sister might do something stupid through guilt I guess. Especially dealing with the breakup she's currently going through at the same time. My sister is genuinely distraught over the dog too so I want to tread carefully 

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OMG, I cannot tell you how very sorry I am for the loss of that precious little puppy.  My heart goes out to you, ninjabib.  I realise that everyone makes mistakes, however, this was TOTALLY avoidable

Please look at the responses further into the thread.  

It's one of those situations where someone ****ed up and there's no real fixing or remedying it.  Albeit not as extreme as getting a friend or relative's dog killed, I've been the offender in some pre

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No she's not like that but I've gone years without speaking to her at a time, same for my father who was also abusive, so it wouldn't be that big a deal in reality if I never spoke to any of my family in truth.

I just don't think it will help if I tell my sister that I think she's not free of blame but then I also feel I will remain stuck and angry until I do.

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Sorry for loss of your puppy 😕 .

Sadly, things happen all of the time, where we have no control. But, yes, she was negligent on how she handled your dog. Obviously shows that they should not have a pet like this at their home.

I understand your pain & anger.  But, it will ease eventually.  It was yours and you lost it, due to the actions over there.

Give yourself time to calm down.  If you & your sister do not get along in time over this, is just how it'll be, but I feel you'll both come around.  As for your mother, she can also stop her reactions and leave this alone.  it's between you & your sister!

I suggest you do not get another until you know you are in a decent place (of your own).  This was a lesson.. a sad one yes 😞 . And also where YOU can monitor the feed times & its outings... Yes, as a pup they are active & take feedings a cpl times a day. ( Is different once they hit adulthood).

 

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Thank you sosad. He wasn't just mine. He was all of ours. This is the first dog I have had in 15 years. I would never take a dog if I couldn't commit. They assured me, before we bought him, they would take over the reigns when it came time for me to move out as at 40 years old I can't live with my mother for more than a few months 

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From one dog lover to another, I'm very sorry for your loss. 

I had two great GSDs long ago, several GSDs growing up in my childhood home and my 14 year old beloved Golden Retriever passed away several years ago. 

I'm sorry for your bitterness, resentment and anger. It's perfectly natural to feel the way you do.  I agree, your sister and family were negligent and very careless which is inexcusable.  Neglect is abuse when a person is irresponsible and lacks vigilance for a life. 

You get over the anger by allowing TIME to help dull your pain.  Your sadness and anger will always be there.  The only difference is the tears become less. 

Know that what little time you had with your furry friend, you gave your dog a great life. 

Even though you are stewing over this, keep the peace.  Remain well mannered and very polite. 

Fighting will not bring your dog back from the grave. 

I'm sorry for your pain. 

 

 

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3 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

From one dog lover to another, I'm very sorry for your loss. 

I had two great GSDs long ago, several GSDs growing up in my childhood home and my 14 year old beloved Golden Retriever passed away several years ago. 

I'm sorry for your bitterness, resentment and anger. It's perfectly natural to feel the way you do.  I agree, your sister and family were negligent and very careless which is inexcusable.  Neglect is abuse when a person is irresponsible and lacks vigilance for a life. 

You get over the anger by allowing TIME to help dull your pain.  Your sadness and anger will always be there.  The only difference is the tears become less. 

Know that what little time you had with your furry friend, you gave your dog a great life. 

Even though you are stewing over this, keep the peace.  Remain well mannered and very polite. 

Fighting will not bring your dog back from the grave. 

I'm sorry for your pain. 

 

 

Thank you Cherylyn. I think biting my tongue is the right way to go here as you say. Nothing can bring him back and nothing I say or point out will change that. I just want the anger to go away.

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She keeps messaging me and saying sorry and i keep telling her to give me space for a week but she wont listen, again. How can i make her go away before i say something i regret

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I am so very for the loss of your sweet pup. I would just tell her ,”since you refuse to listen to me about needing space I’m putting you on ignore until I’m ready to talk to you.”

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1 hour ago, Seraphim said:

I am so very for the loss of your sweet pup. I would just tell her ,”since you refuse to listen to me about needing space I’m putting you on ignore until I’m ready to talk to you.”

Thank you Seraphim. Appreciate your response. Hope all is well.

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6 hours ago, ninjabib said:

She keeps messaging me and saying sorry and i keep telling her to give me space for a week but she wont listen, again. How can i make her go away before i say something i regret

Mute the messages or turn off the notifications. There are no hurt feelings or extra drama that way. Give yourself some space to think/feel/grieve. 

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Thanks Rose, anger has subsided somewhat. Had to go onto his instagram account and tell everyone the bad news. That was hard and broke me but i feel better now for doing that weirdly.

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1 hour ago, ninjabib said:

Thanks Rose, anger has subsided somewhat. Had to go onto his instagram account and tell everyone the bad news. That was hard and broke me but i feel better now for doing that weirdly.

You are so strong. I hope you have time to yourself inbetween and can just think and rest too. Much love to you, Ninja. This sucks. 

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*VENTING*

So now i had calmed down a little i started to think about it all and i can't work out how he got outside. The only possible way is someone opened the door and let him out. Monday was a bank holiday here so all  people at the house there were home. He can't open the front door because it pulls open but he knew how to open internal doors with his paws on the handles as they pushed open.

Everyone denies letting him out but someone has and just left him there. Someones lying to me and its making me mad.

As everyone was saying they didnt let him out or even that he didnt run between their legs when they opened the door for whatever reason i asked my sister why she couldnt spare 5 seconds it would literally take to walk him back inside as she admits she saw him loose behind the small wall for some minutes before he jumped the wall. Her answer was she didnt want to be late for her Tinder date. I had to put the phone down i am absolutely raging. You cannot spare 5 seconds to make the dogs life safe just so you can rush off to meet some guy you have never met before?? Are you kidding me!!!???

I have told her to keep some distance for the near future, i am furious.

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If he had squeezed out the gap as someone opened the door to go out i could understand that. That would have been an accident. All they had to do is what we agreed, put him back inside and close the door then carry on with their business.

I can only think as my sisters potential new man was so important to get away too he's squeezed out the gap and shes just thought "oh well, all will be fine as long as im not late for my date" I've got no proof, just a hunch.

 

The dog getting hit was an accident, the events that led upto that were careless, reckless and neglectful at best.

He did not get loose and instantly run into the road. He was out there for minutes for no reason before he got killed. No one could be bothered to take 5 SECONDS to bring him back inside. If this was a small child they would be up on charges by law.

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Honestly, what are the positives of keeping these people in your life? It'd be one thing if they had made changes and grown. But it sounds like they are negligent and lacking self awareness and responsibility as ever. There comes a point sometimes where it's healthier to just let go of the idea of ever being able to have a relationship with some people. 

I'm so sorry for your loss of your pup. 

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There was no split as such, we just didnt speak for years, no argument caused it. Just not close. Never have been, never will be but its nicer to not have any bad blood of course.

 

I also just found out through my niece and nephew who live there that my mom stopped the feeding of him as punishment when i was not there although he was generally fed still apparently and she has been wrapping chains around her fists and punching him in the face with it when on walks if he pulled her as she "felt embarassed by his behaviour" ***!!

 

So the lack of food thing was from my mom and the general lack of care regarding the 1 yet most vital rule came from my sister. Time usually reveals all so im going to see what more information comes to light. Knowing this i'm thinking hes better out of there but its too late anyway.

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Despite not speaking to me for over a year and my sister not speaking to him in over 6 years until last week out of the blue my dad called me late last night. I just ignored his call. I assume he's going to say forgive your sister now they are on speaking terms. He has no other reason to call. I will calm down but not yet especially now i know more.

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9 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

Honestly, what are the positives of keeping these people in your life? It'd be one thing if they had made changes and grown. But it sounds like they are negligent and lacking self awareness and responsibility as ever. There comes a point sometimes where it's healthier to just let go of the idea of ever being able to have a relationship with some people. 

I'm so sorry for your loss of your pup. 

Thank you and you might be right. I intend to keep time spent with them to a limit from now on. Life was easier when i had nothing to do with them sad as it is to say.

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3 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

Oh my God, I felt sick to my stomach reading that ninjabib. God I am so sorry, your mom is terrible!! That's just abuse. Horrible abuse. 

 

She has no friends, many people who have met her without knowing the full extent of what she has done to me have suggested i look up the term "narcissistic mother" while i dont want to psychoanalyse her i see a lot of similarities in there. Especially now i know she was abusing him because she felt he was bringing shame on her (??????).

 

Apparently one time my niece said they were out walking him together and he pulled on the lead a bit and she started to hit him so badly a van of men had to pull up in the road to drag her off him.

Next time i see her im going to tell her i know about this BS now and if she wants to hit someone she should try me and see what happens.

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No, they are my sisters kids not mine so they are an extension of my sister to her, she lets them get away with anything.

I would assume the pup was an easy target plus he was male.

While i dont defend my mothers abuse of me or the dog i will say she too suffered a traumatic childhood that no doubt caused her to be this way. I guess she thinks its normal to pass it down but she is very wrong.

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