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Puppy has been killed by car - i am angry with family


ninjabib
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Hello all,

 

 

I've not really posted on here that much in the last 6 months to be honest but i do value peoples opinions on here and i'm after advice. I'm angry about something and i dont want to be.


Last summer i sold my own house and moved back into the family home with my mom and my sister short term to avoid getting caught in a property chain. During this period they said they wanted a dog and i agreed to financially contribute on the understanding that at some point i will be moving out when i buy a new house but i will still have a few days a week to lighten the load but ultimately responsibility would be with them most the week. They agreed. We had a German Shepherd male puppy who was beautiful but a real handful as you can imagine.

 

On March 1st 2021 i moved out but into rental property as house prices have gone crazy again here in UK due to covid. This means i cant have the dog with me due to landlord rules but the days they are at work i go and sit/walk the dog at my families house.

 

The family home is on a major road which is extremely busy and has very fast moving traffic. In the UK there can be next to no gap between a homes front door and major roads. I'd say there is only about 8 feet from the front door to the main road with articulated lorries etc going 40-60mph  (70-95kmh for US friends/readers i'd guess). There is a small wall with a gate around the front of the house about 3 feet high to stop anyone/anything running directly into the road but like i say its not a tall wall.

In the past they have let the puppy stand out there when hes coming out to greet his human fa mily while they have fetched things (shopping etc) from the car. I was always against this from day one but he could never clear the wall. One time he did when he was older and we learnt he can jump the wall, we caught him before any damage was done and i said he must never be allowed into the front area off the lead again or he will get run over and killed. I made sure this was kept too while i lived there.

Since i moved out this has not been stuck too as when ive been visiting they've let him out in the front area behind the small wall and ive had to run and fetch him. He's a pup and very exciteable. I have told my sister more than once they cannot let this happen.

Today my sister is out the front loading stuff from a car and he gets out into the front area with the small wall. Rather than put the dog back inside for some reason she carries out multiple trips back and forth and on the 4th occaision or something he jumps the wall, runs into the major road where she is loading her car and the puppy is hit instantly. He is now dead and i am heartbroken.


Now while i accept no harm was meant to him, i feel angry i think because it was so easily avoidable. She acknowledges she saw him and didnt put him in the house 4 times and i am just so angry. He is dead and there is no reason for him to be. It was just so careless. I cant believe it. 4 times he could have been made secure and he'd be here, he didnt even make it to 1 year old.


I'm so angry i can't go round there this week. I just cant believe it. I'm not saying i wont speak to them again or anything that dramatic but i need my space from them at the moment.  Anyone else here been in a similar situation and if so how do you get over the anger?

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Posted (edited)

I am so sorry for the loss of your puppy.   I too, would be angry as their behavior was very irresponsible and unnecessary.  I think you will have to give to some time.  I don't know what to say, as I would be heartbroken.

Edited by Hollyj
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Thank you Holly. He was an amazing dog. I am very angry. My mom is telling my sister it's not her fault but i can't help but disagree. Now i'm not going to voice this to my sister obviously as it won't solve anything but to shrug your shoulders of it and say was no ones fault i also can't agree with. This is why i have said i won't go round for aweek, i've said i'm too upset to see his body and toys which is true but also to save an argument.

 

I dont feeling like this about the situation but this careless attitude she has follows her through life. It's not the first time it's caused harm but it's the first time it's got someone/something killed. She never listens.

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I was in the process of looking for new accomodation that was dog friendly as since i've moved out he'd lost weight, i found out they have forgotten to feed him on occasion and also decided to cut his meals down for what reason i'm not sure. They felt he was having too much food. Clearly not.

I also found out he had been left on his own days at time so that made me angry too especially as i can go round and sit with him all day.

Now my beautiful boy is gone and i am devastated.

 

9 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

I am very sorry. I had a male GSD, raised from a pup. We were inseparable. This broke my heart. I'm upset for you too. Hugs.

Thank you Rose, they are the best dog breed in my opinion. Incredible animals.

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5 minutes ago, ninjabib said:

I was in the process of looking for new accomodation that was dog friendly as since i've moved out he'd lost weight, i found out they have forgotten to feed him on occasion and also decided to cut his meals down for what reason i'm not sure. They felt he was having too much food. Clearly not.

I also found out he had been left on his own days at time so that made me angry too especially as i can go round and sit with him all day.

Now my beautiful boy is gone and i am devastated.

 

Thank you Rose, they are the best dog breed in my opinion. Incredible animals.

Holly said it best.. give it time. This is a ***ty thing to have happened and I'm very sorry. I agree with you. This seemed to be the dog breed best suited for me anyway. Very sorry this happened. 

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Thanks, do you think i've done the best thing by saying i will go round in a week? Will give them time to get rid of his stuff and i will have calmed down.

I think if i go round now i will blow my lid which wont help anyone. Doesnt matter how many times she says "sorry its my fault" i'm still angry.

I dont want to feel bitter towards her either though so i think space is best here short term?

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Posted (edited)
22 minutes ago, ninjabib said:

Thank you Holly. He was an amazing dog. I am very angry. My mom is telling my sister it's not her fault but i can't help but disagree. Now i'm not going to voice this to my sister obviously as it won't solve anything but to shrug your shoulders of it and say was no ones fault i also can't agree with. This is why i have said i won't go round for aweek, i've said i'm too upset to see his body and toys which is true but also to save an argument.

 

I dont feeling like this about the situation but this careless attitude she has follows her through life. It's not the first time it's caused harm but it's the first time it's got someone/something killed. She never listens.

How old is your sister?  How often were they feeding him?  They left him alone for days at a time, or during the day?

Edited by Hollyj
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Posted (edited)
8 minutes ago, Hollyj said:

How old is your sister?

38. Slightly offtopic but this is the relationship they have had all our lives. My sister makes mistakes (no biggie we are all human), my mom absolves her of all blame, my sister doesnt learn from her mistakes (this is the not good part), repeat and rinse. My mom is blaming the driver of the car that hit the dog to me via text message but thats ridiculous frankly and if she says that in front of me i will put them both straight, i dont think i will be able to hold my mouth.


He was supposed to be on 3 tins a day but they cut him to 2, not sure why, no guidance too do that. I noticed the weight loss immediately and confronted them. In fact on Saturday just gone i found out he'd only been given 1 tin and the day was almost over.

My sister started spending 90% of the day out the house as lockdowns ending here and things opening up she'd go travelling with her kids which is fine but just let me know and i can go look after him i work from laptops etc. DOesnt matter now.
 

Edited by ninjabib
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I feel sad for the driver too. I would be devastated if I hit and killed an animal with my car. No, it is not the driver's fault.  I'm sure they were not expecting a dog to run out into the road.

I'm so sorry this happened. I would be heartbroken too.

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2 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I feel sad for the driver too. I would be devastated if I hit and killed an animal with my car. No, it is not the driver's fault.  I'm sure they were not expecting a dog to run out into the road.

I'm so sorry this happened. I would be heartbroken too.

Thank you. I dont want too be heartbroken and angry but here i am and it was all so avoidable to me anywya.

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8 minutes ago, ninjabib said:

38. Slightly offtopic but this is the relationship they have had all our lives. My sister makes mistakes (no biggie we are all human), my mom absolves her of all blame, my sister doesnt learn from her mistakes (this is the not good part), repeat and rinse. My mom is blaming the driver of the car that hit the dog to me via text message but thats ridiculous frankly and if she says that in front of me i will put them both straight, i dont think i will be able to hold my mouth.


He was supposed to be on 3 tins a day but they cut him to 2, not sure why, no guidance too do that. I noticed the weight loss immediately and confronted them. In fact on Saturday just gone i found out he'd only been given 1 tin and the day was almost over.

My sister started spending 90% of the day out the house as lockdowns ending here and things opening up she'd go travelling with her kids which is fine but just let me know and i can go look after him i work from laptops etc. DOesnt matter now.
 

I thought she was a teenager.  Good Lord!   She has not apologized to you?   

The food bit is very concerning.   I would so pissed and hurt about all of this.   Mom is a part of the problem.  

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Posted (edited)

It's one of those situations where someone ****ed up and there's no real fixing or remedying it.  Albeit not as extreme as getting a friend or relative's dog killed, I've been the offender in some pretty consequential situations before.  I've likewise had it happen to me in tragic incidents that have been comparable.  What's worked to mitigate long term damage to the relationships is the person harmed (obviously in your case by extension of your dog having suffered the ultimate harm) being straight forward but not aggressive about the fact that, "Hey, I know you didn't mean for it to happen, but it's just gonna take me some time and space."  In return, the person who fudged it hopefully has the humility to say "fair enough." 

It really, really sucks this happened.  And IMO you're perfectly reasonable in feeling more should have been done to prevent the tragedy.  I can guarantee you if she could go back in time or be presented with a similar scenario in the future, she'd 100% go out of her way to guarantee a better outcome.  Unfortunately, that does nothing for this outcome.  And that's just kinda where things are right now.  

Best of luck on the path to forgiveness, and in taking care of yourself in the meantime. 

Edited by j.man
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4 minutes ago, Hollyj said:

I thought she was a teenager.  Good Lord!   She has not apologized to you?   

The food bit is very concerning.   I would so pissed and hurt about all of this.   Mom is a part of the problem.  

Definitely. They are extremely close to the point its detrimental to my sister because she doesnt develop or learn from mistakes and repeats the same thing over and over. Shes never really suffered consequences until now.

She has apologized don't get me wrong but i'm so angry currently i don't care about that. It was reckless in my eyes. I wasnt there when it happened, i was at gym and got text from my mom saying "dog hit by car, at vets" so raced to the vets as i was confused as to how he could have got run over as i've told them point blank he must never be allowed in the front off the lead. I walk in the room where they are at the vets and my very first question is "how did this happen?"  she cries and then says "im sorry i let stay in the front because i didnt think he would jmup the wall"  I was gobsmacked and enraged and all i could say was "how many times? how many times have i told you?"

 

 

J Man - thanks for your reply, i don't doubt she would take it back, she is gutted too but the whole thing had an air of inevitablity about it if you get me. I was worried about him being left with them less than 2 months after moving out so i said i was looking for pet friendly landlords but i never thought he'd get killed through carelessness. NOw i'm angry with myself for moving out.

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3 minutes ago, Hollyj said:

Give yourself some time.   She didn't do it on purpose, she was just very irresponsible.  

 

Hugs

I agree but im so angry,  i dont want to hear from them for now.

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Because i know there was no malice meant and she's family but there's no doubt in my mind she's partly to blame intent or not.

 

She's just split up with her long term partner too although she's been ignoring the rules about keeping him off the front for a long time before that.

 

If I say anything to my sister then likely my Mom won't speak to me again although we have only had a civil relationship for 7/8 years or so anyway so not the end of the world.

 

Just a mess all around.

 

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Posted (edited)

I don't understand the feeding bit either.   

Your mother will not speak to you if you call your sister on her behavior?  What is the history with these people?

Edited by Hollyj
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