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Girlfriend Wont have sex with me and always blames me for everything


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Wondering if I could get any advice on this. My girlfriend of over a year, won't have sex with me unless she's been drinking or smoking. We've gone a month and a half (twice) and now 3 months without having sex. Either says she's not feeling well or Im not being attractive in how I ask or try. Im not a cocky person at all, but people always tell me how good looking I am and how great of a catch I am (I only bring this up to set the scene for anyone helping with advice) She says she always has something going on between her kid, school and work. She barely even tries to kiss me and rarely ever asks me how my days are.  Also, nothing is ever her fault. Always the other person. I know the easy answer is to just get rid of her, but I live with her. Any advice? Im usually always someone who has the best interest of someone, but people around me are starting to tell me to get the hell away from her

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Just now, havakk21 said:

My girlfriend of over a year, won't have sex with me unless she's been drinking or smoking. She says she always has something going on between her kid, school and work.  I live with her. 

How long have you lived together? Sounds like you need to move out. Where did you live before?

Are you helping out financially? Around the house? With her kids? Her schedule etc.

 She seems bored, resentful and overwhelmed. It's not about how attractive you are. It's about the romance is dying .

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Posted (edited)

I don't understand why you are still with this individual.  What does it matter that you are living with her, as you can move out?

Edited by Hollyj
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This isn't going to get better unless she wants it to.

Unless there's something going on that you haven't mentioned, she is either uninterested in sex overall or she's uninterested in sex with you. Neither of which can be resolved unless she chooses to do something about it.

You can move into your own place, but before you do have you tried explaining how you feel in a calm manner, without accusing words?

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Yeah I tell her how I feel. She accuses me of having a sex addiction. Of course I don't have one. I just want to be intimate with my girlfriend.

 

Yes we split rent and utilities both ways. 

 

We have opposite hours a little bit. They overlap some. So I help bring her son to school and make sure the house is clean and food shop. Definitely put in way more effort.

 

Sorry Im new to this forum stuff so if Im not explaining great I apologize. 

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Posted (edited)
3 minutes ago, havakk21 said:

Yeah I tell her how I feel. She accuses me of having a sex addiction. Of course I don't have one. I just want to be intimate with my girlfriend.

 

Yes we split rent and utilities both ways. 

 

We have opposite hours a little bit. They overlap some. So I help bring her son to school and make sure the house is clean and food shop. Definitely put in way more effort.

 

Sorry Im new to this forum stuff so if Im not explaining great I apologize. 

This needs to end.  I think that you need to address why you tolerate this.

Edited by Hollyj
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I do about 90% of the cleaning and probably 9/10 I cook. And when I do she always complains that I did something wrong with it and puts me down, after all the effort I put in.

 

She doesn't sound too great, does she? haha

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4 minutes ago, havakk21 said:

Yes we split rent and utilities both ways. 

 Sorry this is happening. It seems being the live-in BF doesn't suit either of you. Start looking for places.

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1 minute ago, havakk21 said:

I do about 90% of the cleaning and probably 9/10 I cook. And when I do she always complains that I did something wrong with it and puts me down, after all the effort I put in.

 

She doesn't sound too great, does she? haha

You continue to stick around.  

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I do stick around because I don't like to hurt people, but maybe its time to end it? 

She has that way of keeping me around, but maybe its just in my head. Im not sure

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Posted (edited)
8 minutes ago, havakk21 said:

I do stick around because I don't like to hurt people, but maybe its time to end it? 

She has that way of keeping me around, but maybe its just in my head. Im not sure

She puts you down all the time, you do the majority of the chores, doesn't show affection or  any interest in sex and you don't want to "hurt people?"   She sounds like a miserable individual.  I think it's time to stop being a doormat and put your own interests first.  Do you usually choose this type of woman?

Edited by Hollyj
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hahaha you tell it like it is. I like that. Not typically pick types like her. She was much different at first, then got back into smoking dope (I thought that was supposed to mellow you out lol). Crazy situation. The more I write it out, and knowing its only a little bit what's happening, the more I see I need to go

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20 minutes ago, havakk21 said:

She accuses me of having a sex addiction.

Does she have access to your phone? Where did you live before?

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Just now, havakk21 said:

she smokes that vape weed around him. Doesn't matter though. Im not a smoker and its a turnoff.

 

Yeah she has access to my phone. I lived by myself before this

That's terrific.   She's also a lousy parent.

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Haha I wouldn’t go that far. She’s a good mom. Just past issues

 

I just am big on being appreciated when it’s due. Also think that a new-ish relationship like this, should welcome lots more sex than once every couple months. But maybe I do have a sex problem if I’m expecting that haha. I’m 34 years old. Not 84

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Posted (edited)
23 minutes ago, havakk21 said:

Haha I wouldn’t go that far. She’s a good mom. Just past issues

 

I just am big on being appreciated when it’s due. Also think that a new-ish relationship like this, should welcome lots more sex than once every couple months. But maybe I do have a sex problem if I’m expecting that haha. I’m 34 years old. Not 84

Going without sex for a month-and-half is a big problem, three months is ridiculous.   The woman has issues with alcohol and weed.  She uses weed in front of her kid.  This is not good parenting.  You need to look for a better quality individual.

Edited by Hollyj
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52 minutes ago, havakk21 said:

she smokes that vape weed around him. Yeah she has access to my phone. I lived by myself before this

Ok at least check out places to move to, to get your wheels turning. Don't get complacent and just camp out there miserable.

If you get mired down you'll lose momentum and get and more and more stuck in this. How old is she?

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Seems that your friends and strangers online all agree - you need to leave her. Do you know how rare it is for so many people from all walks of life to actually agree on something???

That should tell you how ugly your situation is and how much you actually need to get out.

 I'm sure she'll be all kinds of upset - who wouldn't be when they realize they are about to lose a cook/grocery shopper/house cleaner/kid chauffeur who also pays half the bills? Just don't confuse her anger about losing a convenient appliance, aka you, with caring about you as a human being. Her refusal to be intimate tells you everything you need to know about that. She is happy to use you, but she is not actually into you.

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Hi, I just posted something similar but from the opposite angle. I was in a relationship with a man for 9 years and our sex life was basically nonexistent. I loved him dearly, and I learned to live with it, but it's not fun. I tried to see his other qualities, because how much time do you actually spend having sex compared to the time you're doing other things together? If there are characteristics you value about her, for example if she makes you laugh, or if your life is overall better with her in it, and you can live with what you get even though it's not much, keep at it. A good friend of mine once said foreplay begins the moment she comes home, and I think he said that very accurately. Maybe if you give her your full attention the moment she comes home, it will put her in the mood. Best of luck! 

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25 minutes ago, NotsexyandIknowit said:

Hi, I just posted something similar but from the opposite angle. I was in a relationship with a man for 9 years and our sex life was basically nonexistent. I loved him dearly, and I learned to live with it, but it's not fun. I tried to see his other qualities, because how much time do you actually spend having sex compared to the time you're doing other things together? If there are characteristics you value about her, for example if she makes you laugh, or if your life is overall better with her in it, and you can live with what you get even though it's not much, keep at it. A good friend of mine once said foreplay begins the moment she comes home, and I think he said that very accurately. Maybe if you give her your full attention the moment she comes home, it will put her in the mood. Best of luck! 

She puts him down all the time and he does 90% around the house.  

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