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3 Days After We had fight; Still no Communication. What to do?


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Last Thursday night, me and my boyfriend had a fight regarding his bike errands and he suddenly changed plan not to go and visit me that coming saturday. prior to that, we’ve already talk that he will visit me that coming Saturday. a sudden change of plans made me snapped out and got mad at him and told him to only visit me on Saturday but he’s very eager and decisive that he’ll not go that coming Saturday. little did i know, he’ll just go rally with his college friends and that also made me more mad at him for not saying the truth. so it’s been three days after the fight and we’re still not communicating over that fight and i'm stressed. i don’t know what to do, any advice would be much appreciated. no hate just love. 

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16 minutes ago, Celine said:

Last Thursday night, me and my boyfriend had a fight regarding his bike errands and he suddenly changed plan not to go and visit me that coming saturday. 

Sorry this happened. How long have you been dating? How old is he? 

Why were you fighting over bike errands?

Did he cancel because of the fighting or was the fighting about cancelling?

Give him space and reflect if you are compatible and want to continue dating.

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thank you for your reply, we’ve been dating for almost 2 yrs. he was fighting about cancelling his bike trip vs to visit me. he still choose to go to the rally after we had the fight. is the 3 days a space already?

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7 minutes ago, Celine said:

thank you for your reply, we’ve been dating for almost 2 yrs. he was fighting about cancelling his bike trip vs to visit me. he still choose to go to the rally after we had the fight. is the 3 days a space already?

Ok, he chose the bike trip and wants to reschedule seeing you?

Do you see each other regularly? Why can't you both do something else with others?

 

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So this was a special bicycling thing that he normally doesn't do, and told you a few days in advance that he wanted to do that instead of your longstanding Saturday visits. (if I'm understanding this correctly)

I think you were in the wrong here and you should have been flexible and said, "Okay. Have a good time. I'll see you next week." And then made your own plans that didn't involve him.

A person shouldn't feel like they are beholden to you in this way like a jail sentence. Of course you have expectations of how much time you spend with a significant other, but it has to be what each finds satisfying. Unless he regularly cancels and doesn't make alternate plans if possible, you should allow for special occasions that pop up that might intrude on your regularly scheduled date. Otherwise, he will feel resentful that his Saturdays can never belong to anybody but you. Is Sunday not a possibility for an alternate day if a Saturday is not doable?

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I would consider the unfortunate irony of making someone want to see me even LESS by getting angry over a conflict that matters to him.

All relationships being voluntary, I can't browbeat someone into wanting exactly what I want at all times, and I've grown self sufficient enough to be flexible with my own plans. I'd see some girlfriends that Saturday and chill out.

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Posted (edited)

At under two years, you're still getting to know one another. There would be some planning involved and it's unusual that he's not brought it up in conversation until a few days beforehand unless he was avoiding you in the first place or telling you. 

The bike trip wouldn't be a problem to me or that it falls on a Saturday. It's the lack of communication overall or that he was thinking of going on a trip with his friends. I'd think someone would be excited about potentially going on something like this and it'd at least come up days or weeks prior!

Make other plans and see your friends. There's no sense stopping anyone from doing what they love to do. You both will see each other another weekend.

 

Edited by Rose Mosse
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