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We started dating about 7 months ago, 1.5 months into having a sexual relationship he developed bumps on his pubis. I thought they were maybe associated with just skin tags from friction or his childhood skin condition (he had a few bumps -some the size of thumb prints- removed by scalpel, scars across the front of his body). The "warts" have multiplied now to about 10-15 now.

 

I spoke with a sexual health counselor back when they developed in November 2020 who told me it was likely skin tags by friction (sex was frequent - daily/bidaily). I have no bumps, and my previous partners didn't (I've had 3 in the last 3 years, 2 in the last 9 months - I was unable to get my regular testing between partners due to covid measures in my town only allowing testing when symptomatic, pap tests are only done every 3 years, my last one was in January 2020).

I'm also only partially immunized, I'm 28 so older than the generation that started getting it in school. I got the first dose when I was 25 and just didn't continue as I was in a long term relationship anyway and didn't see the point. My current boyfriend hadn't had sex in the last 7 years, he's never been tested for anything (shy about genitals) and had only had 3 partners previous to me, so as it appears to be HPV I almost certainly gave it to him. Apparently only about 30% of people will show the warts, otherwise you go not knowing you have it and spread it.

 

He's unwilling to get tested or it looked at as he doesn't want a doctor looking in that area. I've asked him to but he refuses, so I got an extra pap test and paid for it as the government doesn't cover them this frequently but it won't show the wart causing strains. I did not know this was so insidious, I thought I was getting tested for all of it. I don't know what to do, we live together and he's gone 24 hrs now not talking to me.

We had an argument, I apologized as it does appear I've given him it unknowingly. But he won't talk to me about it, he just says he'll never have sex or date anyone again if we ever break up. I do believe that, he's very shy and reserved. I don't think he can handle disclosing it if it's HPV and he'd be too embarrassed to show them. He's also too good of a person to possibly give them to someone. I tried to tell the right person wouldn't cut him off for it, they will go away and it's theorized after a certain period you aren't infectious anymore. They are unlikely to return.

He asked me of all the 10 people I slept with before him that I never noticed bumps-no, I hadn't. I wouldn't have slept with him, especially without protection, knowing I had this. It's still not even for sure, I'd love if he'd get a biopsy of it just to confirm. I feel so guilty and I'm not sure I have to, it's definitely possible.

I'm ashamed, I told him I really do think he's thinking I'm a *** or ***, he told me to "shut the *** up". He doesn't usually speak to me like that. We weren't yelling but he raised his voice to say that to me. It hurt. I guess he doesn't want it to be about me, as I'm the one who hurt him and he's not saying much. It just leaves me guessing. He just says all he's thinking is "why him?". I'm not sure, why me? I think our entire relationship is ***ed as a result of this.

I don't know when he'll talk to me again, we're stuck in the same house in lock down and he's so cold. I feel so gross. What do you think I can do to remedy this? Has anyone gone through something similar? He says once they're removed he'll feel better, he just hates looking at them.

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Stop having sex until you see a physician for accurate testing, diagnoses and treatment.

If he refuses treatment, you need to stop all physical contact including orally.

Best to end things. You have no idea what he has. Could be lice, any number of skin diseases, STDs etc.

Run 👟👟

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Ummm.....for all you know he might have had this for years and years. So no, it doesn't mean you have it or that you gave it to him. What it does mean is that you both need to immediately stop all sexual activity and see a doctor and find out what he actually has.

When did he get the warts that were removed surgically? If he got them prior to meeting you, then he already had HPV and didn't even inform you.

I'm also curious why are you assuming it's HPV? Without a dermatologist and proper testing, you likely don't know/can't tell the difference between other skin issues that can occur and look similar. Unless you are trained, you have no idea. 

I think you both need to get better educated about this. However, if he is refusing to seek medical help or treatment, you really need to protect yourself from him and walk away asap. Someone who lives in denial of a health problem isn't partner material and is too irresponsible not only with his own health, but potentially yours too.

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