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Besides no contact, is there anything else I can do with this person that I enjoyed spending time with?


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26f, 35m. Had been talking to this guy for a few months prior to the meeting. He said he is open to a relationship but not with anyone (same). I ended up thinking that he was a bit too forward in the kindest way and I had gotten out of a relationship a month or so beforehand. We had some really great chats. I think he took it a bit negatively and blocked me on social media. I had noticed that he unblocked me on social media so I reached out saying it was probably a miscommunication. He responded positively and we had our first date. Said to me to come to his which we did, we ordered food to his (very gentlemanly sort of guy), attracted to each other, great chats again and we went on a little evening picnic. We both have similar interests in academic stuff. We only kissed that night. I got to his around 6 pm and left almost 12 hours later. He offered that I could stay the night but we could sleep in separate rooms or he was happy to drive me home but it was late, so he ordered an uber for me. We both are quite busy and we had our second date a few weeks later. He said it would be nice to hang again. A few days before our second date, he asked what I was up to one evening and offered movie night in PJs.

Anyway, the second date comes, I got to know him a bit better and he mentioned that we're quite similar. Joked that we both mumble a lot. Joked that he is often really immature and normally people bring him out of it to stop it but I make it worse. Ended up sleeping together, not a selfish person, cuddled afterwards and had our good chats. The date went really long like last time and I got an uber home. He messaged me asking if I was okay and to send me the details of the driver. We have been in contact via social media a bit since.

I'm just unsure whether he should be the one that expresses what he wants in person or do I mention that this is what I'm after. He works till the evenings throughout the week and weekend so it seems that I can only see him after work hours.He reached out asking how I am, days went by and I started to think that I didn't like it how I wouldn't know when I was going to see this guy again and that if it's not meant to be, it's all good. Immature but I sent him a text saying that I didn't like it how our two dates consisted at just his house and that I'm often left not knowing when I would see him again, I said I don't have expectations around texting.

He said he would talk to me the next day as he had a lot on his plate and he is sorry for not mentioning when he would like to see me again in the manner it deserves. I knew the answer wouldn't be good so I deleted him off my social media. He sent me a very rude message the next day saying I was immature, we ended up calling and he said that he thought he would be open to a relationship but he thinks he cannot provide what I would like. I then said to him that I've only met him twice and I'm unsure myself but I do like to know when I'm with someone if they would like to see me again such as 'this was great, when are you free next?' and weirdly he said he felt the same with me. He also said something along the lines of that he doesn't hear from me for days and is unsure of how I feel. He said forget the relationship talk, that he likes me and thinks I'm cool but he asked what my expectations were regarding texting and said he would like to see me again. He said we don't also have to be sexual when we catch up, we can be friends or anything. He told me that he's meanest to the ones he likes the most. Joked that I'm so annoying as we were giggling at stupid things.

The next day I said I would like to see him again but I would not pressure him but I understand if he doesn't as I don't want to waste my time. I apologised for blocking him. He rudely responded and said "I don't want to deal with this f**king bull*** right now, name. I said I've been accommodating enough and to not contact me again. He replied saying 'f***** off, mate' and blocked my number and on WhatsApp. I noticed this morning he unblocked me.

Advice? I would like to see him again but I do not understand his behaviour.

TL;DR guy that I would have liked to have seen again has proved to be quite unstable. Unsure whether I've done the right thing but not ever going to talk to him again. We unfortunately are very similar and have similar interests. I've noticed that he's been blocking a lot of people on his Instagram. 

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Posted (edited)
25 minutes ago, dustycloud said:

He rudely responded and said "I don't want to deal with this f**king bull*** right now, name. I said I've been accommodating enough and to not contact me again. He replied saying 'f***** off, mate' and blocked my number and on WhatsApp. I noticed this morning he unblocked me.

He sounds like a real delight! (not).  You say he is 35 years old, yet he sounds like a petulant 15 year old. Is this the best you can do, OP?

 

Edited by LaHermes
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2 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

He sounds like a real delight! (not).  You say he is 25 years old, yet he sounds like a petulant 15 year old. Is this the best you can do, OP?

 

35 ma'am. I'm 26. No it is not and it's definitely not normal behaviour. 

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13 minutes ago, dustycloud said:

He rudely responded and said "I don't want to deal with this f**king bull*** right now, name. I said I've been accommodating enough and to not contact me again. He replied saying 'f***** off, mate' and blocked my number and on WhatsApp. 

Leave him alone before he gets a restraining order against you.  You broke up. Move forward and if the obsessions about this man become too much consider some therapy to help you sort things out.

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Posted (edited)
Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Leave him alone before he gets a restraining order against you.  You broke up. Move forward and if the obsessions about this man become too much consider some therapy to help you sort things out.

Broke up? We were never in a relationship. Haha, what have I done that would warrant a restraining order.

Edited by dustycloud
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Why do want to see this loon again? 

When someone blocks you,  you block them, too. So you don't see if they unblock you. 

Reaching out to a person that previously blocked you, is sending the message that you like being treated this way and you're back for more. 

Also, why in the world would you want to be with a person that talks to you this way?  he's enjoying you being his verbal punching bag.

Boy would I love to tell people to eff off and then have them beg me to be around them again.  That is an ego's dream. But good quality people don't let themselves be treated this way. 

What's going on with you? 

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3 minutes ago, Lambert said:

good quality people don't let themselves be treated this way. 

I second everything Lambert said. 

Can I ask, OP, what's so great about this 35 year old that you are so set on "enjoying" his company.  Why so obsessed with him?  

Wiseman could be right about you getting some therapy. 

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I'm confused,  I thought you were hoping to reconcile with your ex and have been communicating with him. Are you?

And this guy? Treats you rudely,  calls you names...and you want to see him again? That makes no sense.

I think you're lonely and missing your ex. Don't just latch onto any guy  because you want someone to take your mind off your ex. Keep this guy blocked, he's not going to make you feel better.

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6 hours ago, dustycloud said:

I ended up thinking that he was a bit too forward in the kindest way and I had gotten out of a relationship a month or so beforehand. We had some really great chats. I think he took it a bit negatively and blocked me on social media

 

6 hours ago, dustycloud said:

He said he would talk to me the next day as he had a lot on his plate and he is sorry for not mentioning when he would like to see me again in the manner it deserves. I knew the answer wouldn't be good so I deleted him off my social media. He sent me a very rude message the next day saying I was immature, we ended up calling and he said that he thought he would be open to a relationship but he thinks he cannot provide what I would like

 

6 hours ago, dustycloud said:

he likes me and thinks I'm cool but he asked what my expectations were regarding texting and said he would like to see me again. He said we don't also have to be sexual when we catch up, we can be friends or anything. He told me that he's meanest to the ones he likes the most. Joked that I'm so annoying as we were giggling at stupid things.

The next day I said I would like to see him again but I would not pressure him but I understand if he doesn't as I don't want to waste my time. I apologised for blocking him. He rudely responded and said "I don't want to deal with this f**king bull*** right now

- Look at the behaviour of you two 😕 .. Assumptions.. blaming.. blocking?

6 hours ago, dustycloud said:

Advice? I would like to see him again but I do not understand his behaviour.

AFTER all of this, he blocks you then Unblocks you.

And you'd want to continue with someone like this..Why?

You two are reallly acting up - totally dis respectful.  He's sworn at you & blocked you - says enough!

Rid of it and don't play these games.

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He only wanted sex.   

This guy has been awful and you want to remain in contact?  You only met up twice.  Move on.

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On 5/2/2021 at 8:58 PM, boltnrun said:

I'm confused,  I thought you were hoping to reconcile with your ex and have been communicating with him. Are you?

And this guy? Treats you rudely,  calls you names...and you want to see him again? That makes no sense.

I think you're lonely and missing your ex. Don't just latch onto any guy  because you want someone to take your mind off your ex. Keep this guy blocked, he's not going to make you feel better.

Thank you, sorry I just saw this. Well it's hard to tell with my ex, I'm just sitting back atm. He hasn't said that he wants to see me/get back together so I assume nothing is happening in that regard..?

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Posted (edited)

Ummmmm I feel he no longer wants anything to do with you. He's sounds pretty pissed. It would be best to leave him alone....for good.

Edited by smackie9
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On 5/2/2021 at 8:58 AM, boltnrun said:

Don't just latch onto any guy  because you want someone to take your mind off your ex. Keep this guy blocked, he's not going to make you feel better.

I agree. Especially not someone like this--he will make you feel even worse.

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