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Why do I feel like this when someone like me?


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I know people here are not phycologists but I was wondering why I feel this. Everytime someone I dont like like me and that person acts on their feelings, I feel disgusted and full of hatred and anger as if I wanted to punch that person in that face to stop being so annoying with me. It happened to me 3 times. 3 people that like me acted on their feeling in the sense that they managed to hug me. I hate the touchy part because somehow they feel with the right to touch me. And I dont know if my reaction of wanting to freaking rip their face off is normal. Currently I have a male friend who I dont really know if he likes me or not but I think it is pretty obvious he feels a certain attraction towards me. He all the times hugs me and touches me and grabs me by the shoulders. He acts in a protective way for example if I am crossing the street and a car is near me he softly pushes my back so I hurry up. Or the other day I was near a dog which was going to bark at me and he agaim grabbed me by my back to avoid that. One of my friends asked me if he liked me because he noticed the attention he gave me. It can be my own imagination but he doesnt act like that with ANYONE else and I dont know why but it ***ing annoys me. I want to slap him really hard so he would stop me touching me. I already told him he was to intense and I used the excuse of covid to keep my distance from him but still he manages to touch me and I hate it.

I dont know it it is normal. When I like someone I am just as intense as him. I want to touch the person all the time.

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6 minutes ago, Janicejaplin said:

Everytime someone I dont like like me and that person acts on their feelings, I feel disgusted and full of hatred and anger as if I wanted to punch that person in that face to stop being so annoying with me.... And I dont know if my reaction of wanting to freaking rip their face off is normal.

Lol, I have felt that way, too. I don't know if it's normal or not. I told my therapist about it once, because the feeling is so overwhelmingly violent... he asked if I ever felt compelled to act on it. So far, I haven't lol.

Even if I see some guy leering at me from a distance, I feel that way. I think I seriously dislike feeling like my personal space is about to be violated. I have a major 'fight' response.

 

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9 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

Lol, I have felt that way, too. I don't know if it's normal or not. I told my therapist about it once, because the feeling is so overwhelmingly violent... he asked if I ever felt compelled to act on it. So far, I haven't lol.

Even if I see some guy leering at me from a distance, I feel that way. I think I seriously dislike feeling like my personal space is about to be violated. I have a major 'fight' response.

 

Yes!! I TOTALLy relate. The feeling is overwhelming violent. I remember one of the boys that liked me was from college. And I remeber seeing him at the distance arriving to class and as I watched him walk I wanted to hit him really hard and the thought of it satisfied me. This guy was specially disrespectful. He hugged me and once he complemented my ass and got sexual (he told me this by facebook) I dont know how  I could have reacted in person. I think I would have murdered him hahahahah.

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Well, if it makes you feel better, my impulse to attack has decreased as I've gotten older (I'm 44). I think this is probably because I am less disrespected now than I was when I was younger. This is probably because men find me less attractive than they did when I was younger! LOL!! I must say, I don't miss that attention at all. 

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26 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

Well, if it makes you feel better, my impulse to attack has decreased as I've gotten older (I'm 44). I think this is probably because I am less disrespected now than I was when I was younger. This is probably because men find me less attractive than they did when I was younger! LOL!! I must say, I don't miss that attention at all. 

I dont think it is because you are less attractive. I usually (almost all the time) don't get any attention from dirty men on the streets (which I am really thankful for) but really men dont even look at me because I look too young. I am 23 but I look 15. I even got told I looked 13. Like my body in general is not that interesting to look at. I usually get attention from men who weirdly kind of fall in love with me. But the times it happened I felt this violent feeling. So.. I dont think it is because you are less attractive.. maybe it has to do with the vibes yo give off or because you look older therefore people respect you more. I dont know but we should feel lucky lol

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I think you are asking two separate questions.  Acting on liking someone does not mean touching them especially in a pushy way -it can involve touching but there are many ways to act on liking someone.  The person can ask to spend time with the other person, be supportive towards the other person, offer to do a favor.  It sounds like you don't like to be touched by someone who is attracted to you when the feeling isn't reciprocal.  So you have to assert boundaries firmly and politely -the very first time, back away and say "oh sorry I don't like to be touched."  Or just back away.  If the person doesn't act respectfully and tries again be more forceful -you can put your hand up as a stop sign for example.  

Do you get triggered like that if the person simply acts in a friendly way by asking you how your day is going?

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31 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I think you are asking two separate questions.  Acting on liking someone does not mean touching them especially in a pushy way -it can involve touching but there are many ways to act on liking someone.  The person can ask to spend time with the other person, be supportive towards the other person, offer to do a favor.  It sounds like you don't like to be touched by someone who is attracted to you when the feeling isn't reciprocal.  So you have to assert boundaries firmly and politely -the very first time, back away and say "oh sorry I don't like to be touched."  Or just back away.  If the person doesn't act respectfully and tries again be more forceful -you can put your hand up as a stop sign for example.  

Do you get triggered like that if the person simply acts in a friendly way by asking you how your day is going?

No. Just if the person likes me and gets physical or too demanding of my attention. But I only feel this if I dont like the person because if I like them I am too intense myself.

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Wanting to rip someone's face off is NOT normal. Not even close.  You really need to talk to a therapist and find out why you act like this and what to do to get past it.  My late brother was a psychologist and he would have told you this is far from normal.

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11 minutes ago, melancholy123 said:

My late brother was a psychologist and he would have told you this is far from normal.

Well, I went to a psychologist for many years, both in my teens and in my 30s. I had the same feelings as her--not the only reason I went to therapy. I'm not disordered. I don't have a mental illness. I can regulate my emotions and control my behaviors. It's more complex than normal/abnormal. 

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I more cringe when someone approaches me.  I am NOT one to reach out to others, physically - am not the 'huggy' type.

I rather just say HI at my own comfortable distance & leave it at that.  My mom picked up on this many years ago ( but i was abused as a child- from fosters, explain enough, I guess). Though, I always have been fine reaching out to my own children.

I guess these people are over stepping respectful boundaries?

If you know them well enough, maybe just be honest and explain to them that you do NOT fancy being touched, pushed around, as it sets off you anxiety - not a good thing!

As for anyone crossing that boundary, especially sexual manner, is annoying, I know.  Tell them to back off, that they need to learn 'respect'!  IF they react in a negative? Oh well!

Some need to learn they can NOT act out like a hgh school teen. 

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1 hour ago, Janicejaplin said:

No. Just if the person likes me and gets physical or too demanding of my attention. But I only feel this if I dont like the person because if I like them I am too intense myself.

Why do you hang out with them if you feel this way?

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5 minutes ago, Hollyj said:

Why do you hang out with them if you feel this way?

Now I am just in touch with this guy. Because he has been my friend for years and years. But he started behaving like that some years ago and I cant accuse him of liking me or having an attraction toward me if he doesnt I just dont like the touching and I told him but he keeps doing it. But we are long time friends m and we have a group of friends. I am not going to ruin our friendship as a group.

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2 minutes ago, Janicejaplin said:

Now I am just in touch with this guy. Because he has been my friend for years and years. But he started behaving like that some years ago and I cant accuse him of liking me or having an attraction toward me if he doesnt I just dont like the touching and I told him but he keeps doing it. But we are long time friends m and we have a group of friends. I am not going to ruin our friendship as a group.

That is disrespectful on his part.

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11 hours ago, Janicejaplin said:

I think I would have murdered him hahahahah.

Ok, either you are looking for attention with drama or you are homicidal and belong in a hospital or you're trolling . Which is it?

 

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13 hours ago, Janicejaplin said:

No. Just if the person likes me and gets physical or too demanding of my attention. But I only feel this if I dont like the person because if I like them I am too intense myself.

It's your choice then not to tell him to stop touching you because you don't want to risk the friendship.  Be mad at yourself not him -how is he supposed to read your mind, someone who's known you forever?  I knew a very nice man and his wife and  man would insist on high fiving the kids at the bus stop including my son - my son wanted to be polite and wasn't old enough to be assertive. I didn't want to risk my friendship with the couple but I didn't want him high fiving my son with his dirty/unclean hands right before my son got on the bus.  So I told my son to step away and then I simply told him "no" in a polite but firm way.  It stopped.  Friendship continued.  It's how you say it even if it's awkward.

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