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My fiancee has broken my trust a few times and it definitely plays into things at timed where it's harder to believe her. She has a tendency to conceal info to avoid lying if she knows ill be upset. I feel concealing is as bad as lying. I want an opinion on todays events. 3 years ago she agreed to stop doing something that bothered me. In turn I dont do certain things that bother her. Couple times a year ill ask if she has done it and she will say no. 3 years is long to remember so I just asked have u done it in the past year? To me, if u agreed to not do something for ur partner, itd be easy to remember that u never broke that agreement. I asked and she said i cant remember the last time i did. Probably not. Am i overthinking because to me that says she wanta to be vague to avoid lying. I thought itd be a straight up no as usual. This response says to me that she did do it. Opinions?

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What is it you're asking about? Is it cheating and do you have another profile on the website? 

Avoid any repetitive questions in a relationship as you'll come across as policing, controlling and aggressive. Why would you want to keep monitoring your partner like that? 

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18 minutes ago, T106 said:

She has a tendency to conceal info to avoid lying if she knows ill be upset. 

3 years ago she agreed to stop doing something that bothered me. Couple times a year ill ask if she has done it and she will say no.  I asked and she said i cant remember the last time i did. 

Sorry this is happening. It depends on how much you are trying to change each other, what these agreements were and how much of a deal breaker they are.

For example if she is cheating, drinking, using drugs, etc. just end it. If she has a quirk or habit you simply dislike, well then you are incompatible.

It's hard to imagine interrogating and policing has any value in a relationship where major incompatibilities are being overlooked and there is no trust. 

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1 hour ago, T106 said:

I feel concealing is as bad as lying.

It's called "lying by omission."

1 hour ago, T106 said:

Couple times a year ill ask if she has done it and she will say no. 3 years is long to remember so I just asked have u done it in the past year? To me, if u agreed to not do something for ur partner, itd be easy to remember that u never broke that agreement. I asked and she said i cant remember the last time i did. Probably not. Am i overthinking because to me that says she wanta to be vague to avoid lying. I thought itd be a straight up no as usual. This response says to me that she did do it. Opinions?

It's hard to tell, because you've given absolutely no detail about the 'something' that bothered you. But, it's clear that you do not trust your girlfriend. Why be in a relationship where you have to where you have to make agreements like this, and constantly monitor and question your partner?

Edited by Jibralta
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3 hours ago, T106 said:

My fiancee has broken my trust a few times and it definitely plays into things at timed where it's harder to believe her. She has a tendency to conceal info to avoid lying if she knows ill be upset.

Do you think your trust in her is gone? If so, this isn;t good.

I am sure she is concealing due to your reactions - so are you both walking on eggshells?

If things are too damaged, too far gone, is maybe time to accept this isnt working out for you.

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If she has to lie so you don't get upset, then you can't handle the truth in a mature and constructive way and therefore can't demand that people be honest with you.

The problem isn't her so much as you and your reactions. Also, relationships aren't about if I do this for you, then I get to demand that from you in return. Nor do you  get to police your partner on their "compliance" to your demands. Your relationship ideas are not only toxic but self defeating. You are actively setting yourself up to be lied to.

 

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I would find it awful that my partner has to yearly quiz me if I didn't do something....that's bent. The trust is gone out of your relationship...all you are doing is punishing each other being together.

Edited by smackie9
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Who knows? She may have done the forbidden thing 2.5 years ago but can't recall if it was within the past year.

Vague is vague. Like your post. 

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I agree, withholding information is just as bad as lying because concealing is deceitful behavior. 

If you have doubts regarding your finacee now, don't marry otherwise, your suspicious, distrustful mind will only grow worse during your unholy matrimony.

I've found that trust is impossible to regain once trust had been irrevocably broken.  Anytime, any person lies to me, betrays my trust in them, conceals, deceives or withholds information from me, I find this type of unforgivable behavior to be very sneaky, tricky and dishonest.  Trust is dead. 

For certain undesirables in my life, if I must cross paths with them, I'm extremely wary and jaded.  I enforce very strong boundaries or there is permanent estrangement.  I'm very absolute, steadfast and unwavering about this.  Any possible regained trust is out of the question.  The answer is:  "NO."  Trust is no more. 

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