Jump to content

Why now?


Go to solution Solved by smackie9,

Recommended Posts

He will be 52 in a few days and I will be 27 shortly after. We have a dating relationship that has been serious and Inmate but only for a short time. We have spoken for a few months and gotten to know each other, then became intimate and exclusive but with the idea we are not needing to be exclusive by anyone but our own choice. We have a great connection but are private considering all that goes with such an age gap and I like him enough that I matched his exclusivity with me. I have children from a former marriage as does he but mine are young(youngest is in diapers) and his are married and grown. He has a vasectomy and cannot father future children but As of late he has commented frequently of his desire to kiss my belly, and does so when we see each other. My first night staying the night he even tossed having his child into a conversation we were having leading into intimacy, And then made it a joke. But now He also has made comments about us trying to make a baby while we are in the throws of passion(but not succeeding obvious because of the vasectomy), asked about what our child would look like and even apologizing for calling himself daddy around my kids before he has done so yet. If hes so established and beyond the phase in his years, why would he be giving me so many signs he wants a child with me? If he is having those feelings how wouke I breech the topic with him?

Edited by Ivoryleague
Forgot a piece
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think it is concerning that he is already referring to himself as “daddy” in front of your little ones when you and he are not in a long term, well established relationship that evolved into being an actual family. It’s very premature, particularly as you’ve only just gotten involved with each other. I don’t know what the relationship is between your children and their father, but it’s very disrespectful of your boyfriend to call himself their dad when they have a dad (if he is involved). I see it as being a huge red flag. If he is only referring to himself as “daddy” in the context of you and he having a child, then it is still confusing to your little ones if they are around, as you said they are very young and there is no other baby there that they can see he would be talking about.

I was in a relationship with an 18 year age gap and we often talked about having children, but I would have felt extremely uncomfortable if my partner had mentioned babies in the way yours has, particularly so early on.

To answer your question, though, I would be direct, “ You have made several references to being a dad again and having a child between us. Is that something you’d like to explore or discuss more?”

 

 

Edited by LotusBlack
Link to comment
Share on other sites

How long have you been dating? It's unclear what you mean by "exclusive but with the idea we are not needing to be exclusive by anyone"?

Are either of you married/in a relationship?

Why are you a secret? No that's not normal.

You both have your families/kids, he has a vasectomy and it's extremely creepy that after briefly dating he wants your kids to call him " daddy".

Where is your children's father? Does he have visitation and pay child support?

You're trying to make this about an age gap, but he's inappropriate at any age.

It's also unclear how you find "belly kissing" and talking about making babies erotic.

Perhaps there's a language barrier. Your post is quite confusing.

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's unlikely he's being serious with you and this is an fantasy that gets him going. Have you ever wondered why he got a vasectomy in the first place? Most likely to keep him out of trouble because he knows what turns him on. He also has a daddy complex with you and your kids which is odd and a bit incestuous given the age gap. You seem very naive.

Please disregard especially if you don't want another child. This topic is only worth going over if it matters to you or if you want another child. Don't agree to something that seems strange/off/uncomfortable to you or totally wrong.

I would be very careful and wary exposing your kids around him so early. Take your time getting to know each other. If the father of your kids isn't around, all the more reason to stay cautious and don't jump into anything too serious too fast with this guy. Protect your kids.

Edited by Rose Mosse
  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Are you even officaially in a relationship?

I personally think he's got a pregnancy fetish or some such thing. The idea of making a woman pregnant turns him on, but it's a sexual thing. 

I would not take any man who is not my long-term, official partner seriously if he started saying things like this. It would weird me out, honestly.

  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

16 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Are you even officaially in a relationship?

I personally think he's got a pregnancy fetish or some such thing. The idea of making a woman pregnant turns him on, but it's a sexual thing. 

I would not take any man who is not my long-term, official partner seriously if he started saying things like this. It would weird me out, honestly.

Same -I don't think he has genuine intentions towards you or your family and do not think he is a person of character or integrity. Instead of broaching the subject with him, just decide you'd rather be in the throes of passion with someone you're on the same wavelength with and who respects and cares for you as a whole person.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

14 hours ago, Ivoryleague said:

He will be 52 in a few days and I will be 27 shortly after. We have a dating relationship that has been serious and Inmate but only for a short time. We have spoken for a few months and gotten to know each other,

His talk is crazy, after just a few months! Do NOT go that way with this guy 😕 .. you'll end up regretting that.

he is well beyond 'being daddy'!  His kids are adults now.  

He'll probably start acting funny in the next 6 mos.. He could be VERY unsettled internally and is just throwing anything out there.

Was he recently single when you met him? ( I know a few that age- and when they talk that way, they are not right in their minds).

Tread carefully.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ugh he sounds gross. It’s just a fetish OP, obviously, since he had a vasectomy and he’s not about to reverse it to impregnate a young woman with children that he’s been having sex with for a few months. He sounds like a creep and you’re too young and gullible. He’s playing on your emotions and manipulating you into thinking he’s more committed than he is. A serious, mature man wouldn’t joke about putting a baby in you and all this player nonsense. And even if he were serious, I would run for the hills. This is not a man you want fathering your children.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well do you think he's being serious or he's just making throw away comments? Maybe he's feeling a bit clucky because he's been around your baby/toddler? Last year I was dating a guy who is 50 soon who has teenage children and he also had a vasectomy. I know this is different but he's polyamorous and he knew I wanted kids. So he said I could have kids with another guy, but still date him too. He said he would love the child basically as his own. Then one time he said he saw a baby on TV and he felt clucky or something along those lines.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Worst case of midlife crisis I've heard of. 

He's fantasizing about his youth, before vasectomy, before kids/grandkids, before a long boring marriage, divorce, etc.

You are more or less a vehicle for his youth fantasies.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Solution
Posted (edited)

it's called infatuation. People fantasize, and I agree with the others he's just reliving his youth. These are just words, playing a fantasy roll purely for enjoyment, not a promise or a true want.

Just play along and enjoy the ride while it lasts...there will be a day when he just stops answering your text messages.

Edited by smackie9
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sorry for an confusion. We are both single, I made mention of us being exclusive because while we are not seeing other people I am hesitant to jump into a serious relationship. That's another reason I was confused by his words.

Both marriages ended for us, different times but both if us are indeed single. My children's father is not involved in any way and my relationship with this man grew from a work relationship into more passion. His marriage ended further back than mine and while she misses him, they dont often talk because their kids are grown naturally.

I've kept my kids and new relationships separate to keep my kids protected but when I see someone they are aware I'm a mother, because my schedule doesn't allow me to be out all night. 

I finally sat down with him and it was revealed a kink was at play and it was just bleeding into the conversation.  He does want a serious relationship that could be long term, and began the baby talk to show me he was comfortable being around my kids if that came to be. Maybe not done the right way but the intentions were cleared up.

There were so many great perspectives that I can certainly see, and a few I didn't that were mentioned here. I dont know if he and I are in the same page,  but that's another reason I'm looking for a casual relationship more. 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)
On 4/29/2021 at 12:10 AM, Ivoryleague said:

and even apologizing for calling himself daddy around my kids

That's contradicting yourself. I'm guessing you don't want to be judged for letting a new date around your kids, but with one in diapers, who is regularly taking care of your kids to give you that much time to date outside of the home?

I'm going to guess you're having a hard time finding someone younger who sees a mother with several kids and one in diapers to be really challenging to find the time to date.

This older guy is apparently up for those challenges to bed someone younger.

There's a reason age gap relationships of 20 plus years have a 95 percent rate of failure. You're in totally different life stages. I'm having to help out my elderly father with doctor appointments and had to stay with him for 2 weeks after his triple bypass surgery to cook and clean for him, and even had to pull the covers up on him in bed because he wasn't even able to do that himself, and had to put his socks on and take them off.

If I'd married a husband my dad's age and had to perform these same duties, I'd have no energy left for myself to enjoy life.

I guess if casual to you means this is short term and you'll part ways before a year or less, fine. If you're ever wanting longterm with a guy, I'd recommend dating someone closer to your age if logistically possible.

Edited by Andrina
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...