Advice on a situation- Manipulation tactic

[zoeb3456]

Hi,

I am looking for some advice/thoughts. I recently started dating a guy and slowly getting to know him. There have been some red flags that popped up, such as: 1. The first time I met him he said 'is that what you wear to work?' 2. Went through my Facebook photos (way back, like 10 years) 3. Wanted to go through my phone after 3 weeks of talking 4. Wanted to know all past relationships and get deep on the 2nd phone call 5. If I posted a photo on fb he would look at the men who liked it and look where they live 6. Look for my exes (I didnt name drop once) 7. Accused me of blocking him once when I didnt answer two phone calls 8. Say he didn't mind been second fidle if I took a few hours to reply to his text. 9. Aware I will start working longer hours over the summer and tried to make me feel bad for it. Like it's my job?!?!

Regardless of the above I procecced to get to know him, and we got on well. Really well actually, like I trusted him.

Last week, he told me how he wanted to make me happy and even spoke about joining the gym together.

Now this week, he has turned round and said he doesn't have time for me and he wishes me the best.

I dont understand how you can do 180 degree turn on me. Is a manipulation tactic to get me to chase him? I havent bothered chasing him, I'm very laid back. Just replied 'that's your choice, not mine'. And left him alone. I just can't figure it out!! Any thoughts or advice would be great! Thanks.

[shellyf62]

Wow, that list is really something.

I would have blocked him after that. He sounds very controlling & will only get worse.

You can do so much better than him!

[Andrina]

Advice? As soon as you see red flags, and these weren't just red but on fire, make a quick exit. You have extremely low self-worth to have continued on with him after such extreme nonsense. Raise your self esteem and standards and you will have better luck in the dating world.

[smackie9]

This guy is a jerk. Dump and run from this chump.

[Wiseman2]

Couldn't even get past item#3

Run!👟👟

[Rose Mosse]

You don't have to figure it out. Next time just don't go there. Save yourself the hassle and the headache. 

Now remove him from all your contacts, everywhere. He's been taking up space.

[boltnrun]

Abuser alert! He has all the classic signs of a potential abuser.

Why do you like being treated like a criminal?

This guy did you a favor.  Block him from contacting you, delete him from all social media and apps and be relieved he's out of your life. And think about why you thought his behavior was attractive. 

[limichelle]

I look at it this way. No time to see you after all you just listed?! 
 

Time to say “ ok, see ya!” Then send him off his way. 
 

he did you a gigantic favor! This guy is a control freak and probably abusive.  

[Capricorn3]

2 hours ago, zoeb3456 said:

Now this week, he has turned round and said he doesn't have time for me and he wishes me the best.

^ THIS is a blessing in disguise.  He did you a huge favour!  If he ever changes his mind, and contacts you again, please, whatever you do, do NOT ever respond. Ever. Block him. Lose his number. Lose all contact.

Also, do not waste anymore precious energy on this abusive loser in trying to figure out what happened.  Count your lucky stars and move on to better things.

[SooSad33]

3 hours ago, zoeb3456 said:

1. The first time I met him he said 'is that what you wear to work?' 2. Went through my Facebook photos (way back, like 10 years) 3. Wanted to go through my phone after 3 weeks of talking 4. Wanted to know all past relationships and get deep on the 2nd phone call 5. If I posted a photo on fb he would look at the men who liked it and look where they live

Okay... enough of this!

He is an insecure, controlling creep!

No one has access to my phone or picks on me like that.

3 hours ago, zoeb3456 said:

Last week, he told me how he wanted to make me happy and even spoke about joining the gym together.

Yeah, right.. so he can control all you do there & watch that no other guys even look at you...

Advice?  Do NOT try to get someone like this back!  Be glad he is gone.. Someone like this is awful, to say the least.

Run 😕 

[Lambert]

"Like I trusted him"

Like you trusted him to what? Be a creepy, stalking, abuser?

This guy is a real whack job. Raise your standards. 

[whiteroses3230]

I agree with everyone here. The fact that you began to trust him is the scariest part because what he was doing has the makings to put you in a very unhealthy situation. He seems extremely insecure. Extremely. 
 

It doesn’t much matter why he decided to end things because somebody with such a twisted sense of appropriateness will never be understandable. 

[Jibralta]

15 hours ago, zoeb3456 said:

Is a manipulation tactic to get me to chase him?

Based on Red Flags #1 through #9, I'd say it's very likely. Make that Red Flag #10.

Make sure he stays gone!! 

 

[Tinydance]

I actually don't think there's probably any method to his behaviours because he just sounds like a total nut to be honest. EVERYTHING he was doing was a red flag. You dodged a massive bullet there!

[rchubn]

In the future avoid ex conversations and you'll avoid the ex jealousy as well. There is no need to give him names and show him pictures. 

I think we all talk about ex's when we meet someone knew but most people have limits: 

- they don't talk about their intimate life with their ex unless its for health reasons. 

- they talk about how frequent he talks to his ex (if theyre still friends)

- they don't show pictures and they don't give names

- they vaguely discuss the REASON they broke up (in case there's some healing or grace that needs to be given in the new relationship) 

He's probably jealous because you were inappropriate with sharing your past personal life. There are married couples that don't even discuss their ex's to that degree. 

 

[poorlittlefish]

Be glad you got out of what was already becoming an abusive relationship.  If that's what he was doing within a short timeframe I hate to think what he would have progressed to.  He might have found someone who was even more of a pushover.  Seriously, be relieved that he made the choice to end things because eventually it would have been you doing it and I doubt he'd have taken it well.

[catfeeder]

Advice from Grandma, "The problem is not that snakes will cross your path, they will. The problem comes when you ignore danger and pick up the snake to play with it."