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Should I end my ten year relationship?


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4 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

he said he wasn't really "feeling it" but that it was "convenient" for him to have me around for sex and companionship.

Similarly, GJA66's boyfriend probably finds it very convenient to be single on his bachelor party camping trip.

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For 10 years, you've taught him that you will wait and wait and wait and then wait some more. So now you have an entrenched dynamic where he takes you completely for granted, assumes that you will kee

No need to call yourself names.  Try to be your own best friend instead of your own worst enemy. And try to get excited about having your own place!  I'm in the process of moving into a place of

Thank you. Looking for a place is my next step and hopefully it will keep my mind off of him so I can focus on me. I really hope this covid situation gets better soon so I can start doing things for m

3 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

Similarly, GJA66's boyfriend probably finds it very convenient to be single on his bachelor party camping trip.

Yep, and then when he comes back he probably thinks he can have the OP back to accommodate him.

No part time relationships!

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On 5/1/2021 at 10:37 AM, GJA66 said:

Thank you. Looking for a place is my next step and hopefully it will keep my mind off of him so I can focus on me. I really hope this covid situation gets better soon so I can start doing things for myself and meet new people. We'll see when I'm ready to start dating again and hopefully this time I'm not an idiot and I prioritize what I want out of a relationship instead of waiting. 

Excellent. Consider this chapter closed and now you can move forward with your life, plans, apt, dating etc.

A passive-aggressive person like this is like trying to drive down the road of life with speed bumps, obstacles, delays, traffic etc. You spend time but never get anywhere. Is a sick form of controlling.

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8 hours ago, catfeeder said:

We can't police someone into wanting what they don't want.

There's no reason why 2 adults can't live together in a small flat and still save money.

You've been buying into every stall tactic instead of seeing and accepting that you don't both really want the same things.

Nobody can tell you how long to keep doing that, but if there's even a small part of you intending to use a breakup as a way to manipulate this guy into cooperation, then even if you 'win,' you'll lose because there will always be a part of you that's aware of the real story and will never be able to relax into confidence about this relationship.

Is this power-struggle how you want to keep living?

When I realized I was the one pushing him to have me move in, I started to realize I would need to continue with this behavior to get him to do anything else like marriage or kids and that would not only be exhausting but unfair. I can't force him to do things he doesn't want and even if I got those things it would mean nothing as he didn't want it as much as I did.

I hate having to push him and it felt like he's only going to do it to string me along longer before having to do anything else. My plan was to talk to him about a timeline for marriage and not moving in together until we got married. Another commenter said moving in shouldn't be a next step if we already know each other well and marriage should be what we talk about. If he didn't plan to marry me in the next few years I'd leave. Unfortunately he didn't give me the opportunity to get to that point during our short conversation. Either way it feels like I'd lose more time waiting on him or I'd force him into a marriage he doesn't want so I lose either way.

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3 hours ago, boltnrun said:

This relationship has been convenient for him.  I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to talk you into going back to him.  But if nothing changes, i.e. he doesn't say "move in now" or "let's schedule movers to come on this date two weeks from now" then you know he isn't really serious about having you move in.  He just wants his convenience.

I actually had a man I had been in a relationship with tell me that; he said he wasn't really "feeling it" but that it was "convenient" for him to have me around for sex and companionship.  Awesome...

That's terrible and I can't understand why they just don't look for someone who wants the same type of relationship instead of hurting someone for their own benefit. they can get a friend with benefits for that. I'm sorry that happened to you.

I don't know if anything he says will mend our relationship. Even if he kept his promise about me moving in on the set date he gave me, I feel like I'll have to nag him again for marriage or whatever else I would want in our relationship. I can't do that for the rest of my life.

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You’re dealing with a user, OP. This person has used up 10 years of your life and what do you have to show for it? Endless confusion, not feeling valued, included, loved or wanted. This relationship has been over for quite some time, probably for as long as you’ve ‘pushing’ him to move in together and commit to you. 

He’s resisted for reason. He doesn’t want this and you keep holding on to some hope that he’ll change his mind and want you in the end, if you stick around and keep prodding him long enough. You can’t make anyone want you and why would you? Sadly he’s shown you that he’s a weak and spineless man, who lacks initiative and is stringing you along with lies (we’ll move in when...) and is likely cheating on you with those strippers. 

Do yourself a favour and eliminate this man from your life. Tell him clearly that you’re done then block him. Don’t leave any door open. You’ll have to choose some pain now over the pain of losing potentially another 10 years to this user. Leave and don’t look back. You deserve better.

 

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5 hours ago, GJA66 said:

I can't understand why they just don't look for someone who wants the same type of relationship instead of hurting someone for their own benefit. they can get a friend with benefits for that.

BF recognized that as long as he keeps dangling the 'future' carrot he can get the comforts of a relationship without any 'real' need to deliver.

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16 hours ago, GJA66 said:

When I realized I was the one pushing him to have me move in, I started to realize I would need to continue with this behavior to get him to do anything else like marriage or kids

10 hours ago, catfeeder said:

BF recognized that as long as he keeps dangling the 'future' carrot he can get the comforts of a relationship without any 'real' need to deliver.

Exactly. He has you on the hook, GJA66. He knows he has the goods that you want, and that you will basically do anything to get them. Instead of being sympathetic to your desperation, he's capitalizing on it! What kind of person capitalizes on another person's weakness or desperation? Do you really want a person like that for a husband? As the saying goes: With friends like this, who needs enemies??

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