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Is there hope of recocilliation


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Hi everyone.

So, my boyfriend broke up with me a few days ago, we were not together for long just over a month, I'm just a bit confused because in the beginning he was saying how he's fallen for me and how it feels so good to be understood and we also have a LOT in common to the extent where we say things at the same time, I was scared of the connection, we both were because it was intense but we decided not to fight it, we also decided to take things slower as it was progressing quite fast in terms of feelings from both sides. He has recently been very stressed with work and just not in a good headspace which I understood and supported him, he became distant and I tried to help him and make him feel better by cooking for him and giving him massages and listening to him about his problems and all, but then he still was a bit cold, so I mentioned to him in a mature way that I was starting to feel unapprecaited and he handled it well and said sorry and thats how he gets when he's in this mind frame and its just how he is when stressed I assured him I understood and thanked him for telling me (he did mention he gets this way a few times but I did not think it meant not valuing your partner) because when he mentioned it before he just said he will probably text less when he's in this mind frame of busy with work which I understood, he is also type 2 bipolar and is not medicated for it.

So a day after I mentioned I felt unappreciated by him, we carried on texting normally during the day then broke up with me in the evening saying he feels he won't be able to give me emotional support further down the line so its best we end things now, naturally I was upset but eventually we ended on good terms, I never said I needed emotional support from but I feel he misunderstood me, he said I'm beautiful and amazing and so supportive but feels he won't be able to give me what I need in a relationship (how could he know this when he never even asked me what I want in a relationship he just assumed what I want) he is the first guy I've given a chance to in 3 years because the connection was so strong and he was assuring of how he felt about me. I told him I feel like he did not really think things through but I understand and respect his decision. But a day after the breakup he was back on Tinder and this hurt a bit seeing him but hey, I can't complain coz I was also on in hopes it would hope me get over things a bit quicker by chatting to others. I can't help but keep feeling like he is going to ask me back, I know it seems crazy, but I just feel like with a connection so strong that we both felt, that throwing in the towel without actually talking in person seems a bit hectic. He broke up with me via text and then voice noted me after and also said rather end it before YOU developed serious feelings but he was the one that said he had fallen for me. I'm so confused about this all. Please could someone provide me with some clarity?. I really do still like him and know things could be wonderful between us and I know I can't keep wallowing on this and I need to move on.

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Everyone feels butterflies in the beginning. He just realized after the hormones calmed down that you two are not right for one another.

Seldom in breakups are both parties wanting the breakup. Someone usually is hurt. But after only a month, you can dust yourself off and when you feel like it, get back out there again.

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I've never once considered getting back with an ex. When someone breaks up with you, it means they know it usually means forever and they are okay with that. If you did take him back because he has a dry spell or whatever reason, know that on again off again relationships aren't meant to be and past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. He easily dumped you once and he would likely easily do it again.

It doesn't matter why. Maybe it's his pattern to have short term relationships. Maybe his dating style and how much to communicate and get together differed from yours. Maybe he lost interest but isn't sure why or is sure why but has chosen not to tell you.

Whatever the reason, he's not your fate. When you say he's the only one in 3 years you gave a chance to, it sounds like you might be carrying around emotional baggage from past relationships. You won't have success in dating until you ditch that, and see each new relationship as something new that doesn't have anything to do with the person you're dating.

  • Take note if someone doesn't treat you like the special person you are. Of course you can communicate your needs and if a person cares, they will want to please you. But if you have to nag and plead with someone to put in effort, you should be the one moving on because you won't have to nag a person who cares and acts accordingly. Block and delete so he doesn't throw you bread crumbs for an ego boost, because that's all it will be.
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23 minutes ago, VampMoon said:

He broke up with me via text and then voice noted me after and also said rather end it before YOU developed serious feelings but he was the one that said he had fallen for me. I'm so confused about this all. Please could someone provide me with some clarity?. I really do still like him and know things could be wonderful between us and I know I can't keep wallowing on this and I need to move on.

This is a bit confusing. He texted you to break up and then he added a voice memo making it sound like he was doing you a favour? How magnanimous of him. 

Just let the dust settle and give yourself some time to think about things. I don't think you're missing out on anything here. He's overburdened with work issues and you haven't known each other long to get too involved with the very personal topics like mental health etc. 

I would close the door on this and take a time out for a breather.

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7 minutes ago, VampMoon said:

Thank You so much. I've had lots of flings in the past 3 years but nothing serious, because i was not ready for anything serious during that time 🙂

Well, give yourself a pat on the back for putting yourself out there. It's scary but you did it. I think there are better matches though. Give yourself some time to shake this off and then meet others.

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19 hours ago, VampMoon said:

(he did mention he gets this way a few times but I did not think it meant not valuing your partner) because when he mentioned it before he just said he will probably text less when he's in this mind frame of busy with work which I understood, he is also type 2 bipolar and is not medicated for it.

- This is not good 😕 

19 hours ago, VampMoon said:

I never said I needed emotional support from but I feel he misunderstood me, he said I'm beautiful and amazing and so supportive but feels he won't be able to give me what I need in a relationship (how could he know this when he never even asked me what I want in a relationship he just assumed what I want)

- Because he knows!  He knows what a relationship takes and he just can't do it.

Yes, you require emotional support at times...

 

19 hours ago, VampMoon said:

he is the first guy I've given a chance to in 3 years because the connection was so strong and he was assuring of how he felt about me. I told him I feel like he did not really think things through

- Yup, to come on so strong then totally break off - he was not ready or able.

 

19 hours ago, VampMoon said:

I can't help but keep feeling like he is going to ask me back, I know it seems crazy, but I just feel like with a connection so strong that we both felt, that throwing in the towel without actually talking in person seems a bit hectic. He broke up with me via text and then voice noted me after and also said rather end it before YOU developed serious feelings but he was the one that said he had fallen for me.

- Okay, this was just an 'act'... True feelings develop over time.  he was not feeling much for you. Not in a month,

 

19 hours ago, VampMoon said:

I really do still like him and know things could be wonderful between us and I know I can't keep wallowing on this and I need to move on.

No, you do NOT know things could be wonderful.. you have never been involved with someone with such a mental health issue, have you? 😕 

Clearly , walk away & leave him alone now. Expect no more.

Respect yourself and maybe look up some things on such mental health- especially when not medicated....

 

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Posted (edited)
On 4/26/2021 at 3:58 PM, VampMoon said:

He broke up with me via text and then voice noted me after and also said rather end it before YOU developed serious feelings but he was the one that said he had fallen for me.

He broke up with you via text?! You certainly don't deserve to be treated that way.

It's good to hear that you are feeling much better!

Edited by greendots
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