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Confused and broken


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4 hours ago, Unsure2021 said:

If you know she seemed scared, why did you/do you keep pursuing her and risk frightening her even more? She clearly told you to back off and stop harassing/stalking her but you have no consideration for her request. No means no and when someone keeps reinforcing boundaries and threatening to escalate if you don’t comply, that usually means the person crossing the boundaries is not listening and doesn’t care or respect the person enough to back off. You need to stop pursuing this woman and cease all contact. 
 

Her mixed signals are a sign that she was never in it 100% and it’s likely that whatever she said, you’ve built up in your mind to mean more that what was there. It’s clear that she has issues and prefers to be left alone. Please be respectful and move on with  your life. If you truly cared, you’d leave her alone.

 

First off I’m trying to make sense of it all. Secondly, I’ve never once harassed her in any way. She was the one that initiated contact with me after I saw her in the park. She’s the one who text me daily and we did things together. Just hours before making her grand statement she was making all over me. For one thing I don’t harass people . If they don’t want to be around me. I don’t even bother them. For someone to tell you they love you and are all over you and then hours later act like you’re the plague and make a grand statement not to contact them that they will get a restraining order if you contact them is crazy and I’m at a loss as to what ever I did that brought this behavior on. I know it’s her, it’s not me but I’m trying to understand why. A rational person tries to understand why. How does one flip like that when just hours before, they’re telling you they see a future with you but they have to go slow. I already know there’s something under the surface from a previous marriage or relationships but she’s only shared bits and pieces of it. 

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The whys lead to a lot of assumptions about someone else who is no longer in your life or part of your life, an exercise in futility. All you need to understand is already in the palm of your hand, right there with you. She doesn't want to be with you and she's unstable (unable to support a healthy, loving relationship). 

If a healthy and loving relationship is what you want, simply pass. Adjust your focus and keep it on your wellbeing and own mental health.

Move forwards from this and avoid pouring so much energy into what could have been. She doesn't want to be around you (tough, I know) but that's the reality. You do have a choice - stay stuck in a loop with this person who is no longer in the picture or move forwards and start nurturing and giving back to yourself in healthier ways. 

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1 hour ago, Jim Perry said:

First off I’m trying to make sense of it all. Secondly, I’ve never once harassed her in any way. She was the one that initiated contact with me after I saw her in the park. She’s the one who text me daily and we did things together. Just hours before making her grand statement she was making all over me. For one thing I don’t harass people . If they don’t want to be around me. I don’t even bother them. For someone to tell you they love you and are all over you and then hours later act like you’re the plague and make a grand statement not to contact them that they will get a restraining order if you contact them is crazy and I’m at a loss as to what ever I did that brought this behavior on. I know it’s her, it’s not me but I’m trying to understand why. A rational person tries to understand why. How does one flip like that when just hours before, they’re telling you they see a future with you but they have to go slow. I already know there’s something under the surface from a previous marriage or relationships but she’s only shared bits and pieces of it. 

Why are you refusing to address the entire relationship?   She never let you into her life.  You were a secret.  When accept that non of it was healthy you start to move on.  Stop focusing on her crazy behavior with the belly ring and threatening to get and retaining order.  

The relationship never had a chance.

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12 hours ago, Jim Perry said:

A rational person tries to understand why.

I can definitely appreciate wanting to understand why. But some things are beyond resolution. If she's mentally ill--and it sounds like she is mentally ill--then you're not going to be able to reason the problem away. You just have to accept it.

I don't think it's your fault that this happened. I don't think you could have done or said anything to prevent what happened. I mean, maybe if she hadn't gotten the belly ring, she wouldn't have had a meltdown that weekend. But she would have had a meltdown eventually.

In retrospect, I hope that you can see that there were a lot of signs that she was unstable--the anger, the cancellations, etc. Watch out for these signs in the future! You seem like a devoted guy, but some things are too much!

Edited by Jibralta
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12 hours ago, Jim Perry said:

. . . I know it’s her, it’s not me but I’m trying to understand why. A rational person tries to understand why. How does one flip like that when just hours before, they’re telling you they see a future with you but they have to go slow. I already know there’s something under the surface from a previous marriage or relationships but she’s only shared bits and pieces of it. 

Her Crazy came out fairly early and you ignored it.  In the future, I'd focus on meeting and dating sane women.

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