Jump to content

Upset after my ex-girlfriend sent me a bragging letter


Recommended Posts

I wrote a letter to my ex on her birthday 4 months after I broke up with her apologizing for mistakes I made in the relationship and telling her how important her friendship was to me. I got some weird mixed messages after that including her sending me a sad music playlist and texting then un-texting me saying she was "not ready to talk as friends". Four more months pass with no contact and after her seeming to try to get my attention (blocking me on tiktok, unblocking me then liking my video) she emailed me a letter.

She talked about how much stronger of a person she is now and how much happier she is. She mentioned how she was only single for a month after I left (we dated over 3 years) and now she is looking for an engagement ring and a house with her boyfriend. She did mention that she missed my companionship but the letter seemed more like a dig than anything— like saying she never would have gotten a ring and house from me and “hope you are as happy as I am” while showing no interest in staying in contact.

Is this a thing that happy people do? It seems more like she is trying to upset me. I know I need to move on, and I am trying, but it would help to know this is coming from a good place and not spite or trying to get me to chase her. Do you think she is being sincere? Any insight on this would be appreciated.

Link to post
Share on other sites

She said she's not ready to stay in contact with you as a friend and she's looking at engagement rings and houses with her boyfriend.

In what universe could you possibly interpret her response as her wanting to chase you?

Yes you definitely need to move on and it's got to happen without any sort of validation from her.

  • Thanks 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Just block her, everywhere.

22 minutes ago, lachrymoose said:

She talked about how much stronger of a person she is now and how much happier she is. She mentioned how she was only single for a month after I left (we dated over 3 years) and now she is looking for an engagement ring and a house with her boyfriend

She not worth waiting for.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Who can say what she meant.  it is a little bit weird what she wrote.  But I think the real lesson here is... when you break up with someone, leave them alone.  You sent her a letter that, actually sounds pretty sad, or at least, was all about you, on her birthday.  

You can't ever know what another person is up to or going through in the moment.  Maybe she took the letter to mean you wanted to reconcile.  Who knows.  And then her response was probably not what you expected.  

Try to put it out of your mind.  After 3 years, a few months, isn't that long, to get over this break up.  Keep moving forward... Given time you would not be friends anyway.  

Link to post
Share on other sites
9 minutes ago, Hollyj said:

Why did you break up?

I was undergoing a life crisis at the time. We were temporarily living together until I got my own place and once I found it, covid hit and I lost my job and new apartment. I got pretty depressed and felt like I needed space and couldn't be a good partner. I didn't communicate this with her because I didn't feel like I could be vulnerable at the time. This is partly what the letter I wrote her was about.

Link to post
Share on other sites
48 minutes ago, lachrymoose said:

She mentioned how she was only single for a month after I left (we dated over 3 years) and now she is looking for an engagement ring and a house with her boyfriend.

- Yeah, I highly doubt this!  Who in their right minds moves on this fast AND gets engaged, etc?

49 minutes ago, lachrymoose said:

“hope you are as happy as I am” while showing no interest in staying in contact.

- I have a feeling she is not happy at all.... and she has no reason to be your 'friend'.. why? Because she is hurting.  So often we cannot be 'friends' with an ex because it hurts too much & we are trying NOT to have to be reminded etc . 😕 

 

51 minutes ago, lachrymoose said:

 I know I need to move on, and I am trying, but it would help to know this is coming from a good place and not spite or trying to get me to chase her. 

And for what reason for you chase her?  You dumped her, correct?

Then leave her be now, so she can heal from this BU.

Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

- Yeah, I highly doubt this!  Who in their right minds moves on this fast AND gets engaged, etc?

I think this is the biggest issue for me. I left and within a month and a half she was "in love" with someone else (she said this in her tiktok two weeks into her new relationship). I know she loved me so how could she fall in love again so fast? I was certain it was a rebound and maybe it still is, but they've been together 8 months now.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Possibly....

But, now what's done is done...right?

You wrote her on her b-day and she's told you a few things..

As sad as it is, she has moved on, as she was pushed away and I am sure you have regrets, etc, but you had your own crisis going on 😕 

Is best now to respect her in her new relationship just leave her be now.

And you work on healing from it all... and the worst thing to do is keep lulling over all of that... or follow her.

 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Is best now to respect her in her new relationship just leave her be now.

 

I have been respecting her by giving her space. I replied by congratulating her and telling her I was happy she was happy. I just have a hard time believing it. Maybe it's my ego getting in the way or maybe I know her too well. It's been difficult not dwelling on it but hopefully I can move past it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
28 minutes ago, lachrymoose said:

I was undergoing a life crisis at the time. We were temporarily living together until I got my own place and once I found it, covid hit and I lost my job and new apartment. I got pretty depressed and felt like I needed space and couldn't be a good partner. I didn't communicate this with her because I didn't feel like I could be vulnerable at the time. This is partly what the letter I wrote her was about.

I'm sorry that you had to deal with all of that.  It would be best to cut all contact and heal.

Edited by Hollyj
Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, lachrymoose said:

I wrote a letter to my ex on her birthday 4 months after I broke up with her .

 and “hope you are as happy as I am” while showing no interest in staying in contact.

Sorry this happened. Unfortunately there's a lot of "get your ex back" material on the internet that suggest letters to exes like the one you sent.

It doesn't matter whether she's sincere, licking her own wounds, whatever.

Yes, "hope you are as happy as I am" is sort of candy coated F-you.

However when you contact an ex with these types of letters, you open pandora's box and allow a tsunami of crap like this to come your way.

Best to delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Move forward and great lessons learned.

1. Don't stay friends with exes.

2. Go no contact for your own peace of mind.

3. Don't try to backpedal with letters, relationship talks etc. after it's too late.

Link to post
Share on other sites
18 hours ago, lachrymoose said:

I was undergoing a life crisis at the time. We were temporarily living together until I got my own place and once I found it, covid hit and I lost my job and new apartment. I got pretty depressed and felt like I needed space and couldn't be a good partner. I didn't communicate this with her because I didn't feel like I could be vulnerable at the time. This is partly what the letter I wrote her was about.

If you didn't communicate this  to her then it doesn't explain the breakup.

So I'll repeat the question asked by the other poster. What caused the breakup and who dumped who?

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
44 minutes ago, gamon said:

So I'll repeat the question asked by the other poster. What caused the breakup and who dumped who?

 

My feeling of needing physical space and not being able to move into my new place caused me to become despondent. This lasted a few months before I found a place I could temporarily move to. I moved all my stuff out and told her I wasn't happy. I didn't blame her and told her I still cared for her but I needed to do this. She mentioned something about waiting for me and I told her that I didn't know what the future holds for us but I could never ask her to wait.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Its unreasonable to expect her to stick around given the situation- you dumping her and giving no promises for the future and actually telling her not to wait around..

So what she jumped in with someone new and its probably a rebound that will fail but it's not your business.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
16 hours ago, lachrymoose said:

My feeling of needing physical space and not being able to move into my new place caused me to become despondent. This lasted a few months before I found a place I could temporarily move to. I moved all my stuff out and told her I wasn't happy. I didn't blame her and told her I still cared for her but I needed to do this. She mentioned something about waiting for me and I told her that I didn't know what the future holds for us but I could never ask her to wait.

Just focus on getting your life back on track. It didn't work out and was poor timing. Try not to get sucked into these past details. She's moved on so start eliminating her from your contacts. I think what she did contacting you with details about her current life was in poor taste and unkind. 

Leave it alone because you're on your way now. Move on.

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...