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Googled his username and saw it in a pornsite


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35 minutes ago, amihan said:

I would say that my experience last night may give me a signal to be more careful but at the same time stay objective on dealing with man.

I think this is a good way to look at it. 

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

I actually paid for a background check since I knew my potential new employer was going to perform an extensive one. It said I had been arrested TWICE in a city I've never even been to.

As an adoptee, I've done extensive research on the members of my biological family. It's always best to suspend judgment on what you find until you can crosscheck the information against another source--better yet, several sources. Most names (and usernames) are not unique to a single individual.

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I just googled the user name I use in this site and most of the results were about he Olympic runner Usain Bolt. Would that I was a world class athlete who can run that fast!

Are you on medication for your bipolar? You know your condition can cause these kind of thoughts, right?

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49 minutes ago, amihan said:

Indeed, I was in manic last night.  I believe both my OCPD and bipolar disorder brought me to this worries. 

Ok, this is why  regular supportive therapy, in addition to medical treatment, can help you.

Manic prodromes and manic phases are difficult to self identify.

Back to your topic. Flight of ideas and paranoia are signs you need to tell your health providers about.

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2 hours ago, amihan said:

Thanks for the insight. I really need to validate not only to myself but also from other people because I don't want to quickly judge someone and  break our friendship or if ever the possibility of romantic link with him because he is really a good person. 

I get that.

Also, I don't completely discount background checks. Back when I was dating (doing online dating), I would sometimes get a simple check on someone that would pull up state (not federal) arrests/convictions/some lawsits activity. It cost me $10 and it was reputable. 

I would not judge someone by what comes up on Google unless it's VERY, VERY clear that it's them (picture where you can identify the person, other details in a reputable site, etc.) I once was supposed to have a coffee date with a man and then I googled him before we met up and I found, via a local reputable news site that I was already familiar with, that he was arrested (not sure if charged, but arrested) for some kind of battery after he went ape__t on a woman.

His name wasn't super unusual but I'm not in a HUGE metro area and the stated age matched exactly and the location was also very close to where he lived. So...yeah, I texted him and told him I couldn't meet up because I was called into work and then I blocked him. 

Sometimes it really does help to look someone up. But you need to be careful you're looking at reliable, pertinent information. And if someone's name is really common, I'd forget about googling. 

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7 hours ago, indea08 said:

No wonder dating is so hard for people anymore.

Why don’t you decide if you like him based on your experience with him instead of developing preconceived notions based off of some random internet search? I swear, the internet has killed humanity.

Amen!!! 
you barely know the man you are not even  but you’re in a tizzy of what I “might” have found. 
Stop. 

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15 hours ago, boltnrun said:

So you know for an absolute fact that is his user name and it is him who was on those sites?

 

15 hours ago, bluecastle said:

This. 

I get being cautious when it comes to opening up to new people, but the impression your posts give is that you operate from the assumption that people are not who they tell you they are, and show you, but who they might be based on what the internet spits back. This headspace, far more than what comes up on the internet, is going to make sincere connection, if that's your long term goal, very challenging. 

 

 

14 hours ago, boltnrun said:

I just googled the user name I use in this site and most of the results were about he Olympic runner Usain Bolt. Would that I was a world class athlete who can run that fast!

Are you on medication for your bipolar? You know your condition can cause these kind of thoughts, right?

Yes, I am under medication.  I am aware of that. But I am also a lady who is cautious in interacting with a man as well, as I am already alone in life. I want to be careful. Just like a company, I would like to conduct background check first before letting a man in my life especially if he is showing interest romantically. Also, I have a HR and  background. I believe this has contributed me to conduct further research for the purpose of protecting myself. I have been doing this ever since I was not yet diagnosed. 

 

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12 hours ago, Fudgie said:

Sometimes it really does help to look someone up. But you need to be careful you're looking at reliable, pertinent information. And if someone's name is really common, I'd forget about googling. 

Yes, exactly. I have been involved in the research. Sorting information that are valid or not is essential. Let's say that I was also in the state of shock knowing the identity  and reputation of the guy. This is why I ran into this site rather than talking to someone whom I know to validate things. Because I don't want to create chaos and as I always mention, it would be more objective to talk here rather than to a friend or family (knowing their cultural orientation) because they may easily judge the guy and would affect my decision as well. 

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18 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok, this is why  regular supportive therapy, in addition to medical treatment, can help you.

Manic prodromes and manic phases are difficult to self identify.

Back to your topic. Flight of ideas and paranoia are signs you need to tell your health providers about.

Thank you. I will do that...

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16 hours ago, Fudgie said:

I get that.

Also, I don't completely discount background checks. Back when I was dating (doing online dating), I would sometimes get a simple check on someone that would pull up state (not federal) arrests/convictions/some lawsits activity. It cost me $10 and it was reputable. 

I would not judge someone by what comes up on Google unless it's VERY, VERY clear that it's them (picture where you can identify the person, other details in a reputable site, etc.) I once was supposed to have a coffee date with a man and then I googled him before we met up and I found, via a local reputable news site that I was already familiar with, that he was arrested (not sure if charged, but arrested) for some kind of battery after he went ape__t on a woman.

His name wasn't super unusual but I'm not in a HUGE metro area and the stated age matched exactly and the location was also very close to where he lived. So...yeah, I texted him and told him I couldn't meet up because I was called into work and then I blocked him. 

Sometimes it really does help to look someone up. But you need to be careful you're looking at reliable, pertinent information. And if someone's name is really common, I'd forget about googling. 

I always do background check. Just like the experience you shared, Googling someone saved my life many times especially  from narcissist men.

 

 

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On 4/22/2021 at 6:16 AM, indea08 said:

No wonder dating is so hard for people anymore.

Why don’t you decide if you like him based on your experience with him instead of developing preconceived notions based off of some random internet search? I swear, the internet has killed humanity.

The internet is a place where peoples dark desires live. Think about all the notorious serial killers back in the day? Imagine if we had internet and search history back then, those sick individuals would've been spotted and held accountable before they decided to hurt someone. 

 

Imagine what a teenage Jeffrey Dahmers search history would say... 

 

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53 minutes ago, rchubn said:

The internet is a place where peoples dark desires live. Think about all the notorious serial killers back in the day? Imagine if we had internet and search history back then, those sick individuals would've been spotted and held accountable before they decided to hurt someone. 

 

Imagine what a teenage Jeffrey Dahmers search history would say... 

 

The problem arises when someone's name is John Smith or Mary Johnson or Jose Lopez. How do you know it's YOUR "John Smith" on the porn sites?

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