Jump to content

Googled his username and saw it in a pornsite


amihan
 Share

Recommended Posts

35 minutes ago, amihan said:

I would say that my experience last night may give me a signal to be more careful but at the same time stay objective on dealing with man.

I think this is a good way to look at it. 

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

I actually paid for a background check since I knew my potential new employer was going to perform an extensive one. It said I had been arrested TWICE in a city I've never even been to.

As an adoptee, I've done extensive research on the members of my biological family. It's always best to suspend judgment on what you find until you can crosscheck the information against another source--better yet, several sources. Most names (and usernames) are not unique to a single individual.

Edited by Jibralta
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I just googled the user name I use in this site and most of the results were about he Olympic runner Usain Bolt. Would that I was a world class athlete who can run that fast!

Are you on medication for your bipolar? You know your condition can cause these kind of thoughts, right?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

49 minutes ago, amihan said:

Indeed, I was in manic last night.  I believe both my OCPD and bipolar disorder brought me to this worries. 

Ok, this is why  regular supportive therapy, in addition to medical treatment, can help you.

Manic prodromes and manic phases are difficult to self identify.

Back to your topic. Flight of ideas and paranoia are signs you need to tell your health providers about.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, amihan said:

Thanks for the insight. I really need to validate not only to myself but also from other people because I don't want to quickly judge someone and  break our friendship or if ever the possibility of romantic link with him because he is really a good person. 

I get that.

Also, I don't completely discount background checks. Back when I was dating (doing online dating), I would sometimes get a simple check on someone that would pull up state (not federal) arrests/convictions/some lawsits activity. It cost me $10 and it was reputable. 

I would not judge someone by what comes up on Google unless it's VERY, VERY clear that it's them (picture where you can identify the person, other details in a reputable site, etc.) I once was supposed to have a coffee date with a man and then I googled him before we met up and I found, via a local reputable news site that I was already familiar with, that he was arrested (not sure if charged, but arrested) for some kind of battery after he went ape__t on a woman.

His name wasn't super unusual but I'm not in a HUGE metro area and the stated age matched exactly and the location was also very close to where he lived. So...yeah, I texted him and told him I couldn't meet up because I was called into work and then I blocked him. 

Sometimes it really does help to look someone up. But you need to be careful you're looking at reliable, pertinent information. And if someone's name is really common, I'd forget about googling. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, indea08 said:

No wonder dating is so hard for people anymore.

Why don’t you decide if you like him based on your experience with him instead of developing preconceived notions based off of some random internet search? I swear, the internet has killed humanity.

Amen!!! 
you barely know the man you are not even  but you’re in a tizzy of what I “might” have found. 
Stop. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 hours ago, boltnrun said:

So you know for an absolute fact that is his user name and it is him who was on those sites?

 

15 hours ago, bluecastle said:

This. 

I get being cautious when it comes to opening up to new people, but the impression your posts give is that you operate from the assumption that people are not who they tell you they are, and show you, but who they might be based on what the internet spits back. This headspace, far more than what comes up on the internet, is going to make sincere connection, if that's your long term goal, very challenging. 

 

 

14 hours ago, boltnrun said:

I just googled the user name I use in this site and most of the results were about he Olympic runner Usain Bolt. Would that I was a world class athlete who can run that fast!

Are you on medication for your bipolar? You know your condition can cause these kind of thoughts, right?

Yes, I am under medication.  I am aware of that. But I am also a lady who is cautious in interacting with a man as well, as I am already alone in life. I want to be careful. Just like a company, I would like to conduct background check first before letting a man in my life especially if he is showing interest romantically. Also, I have a HR and  background. I believe this has contributed me to conduct further research for the purpose of protecting myself. I have been doing this ever since I was not yet diagnosed. 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

12 hours ago, Fudgie said:

Sometimes it really does help to look someone up. But you need to be careful you're looking at reliable, pertinent information. And if someone's name is really common, I'd forget about googling. 

Yes, exactly. I have been involved in the research. Sorting information that are valid or not is essential. Let's say that I was also in the state of shock knowing the identity  and reputation of the guy. This is why I ran into this site rather than talking to someone whom I know to validate things. Because I don't want to create chaos and as I always mention, it would be more objective to talk here rather than to a friend or family (knowing their cultural orientation) because they may easily judge the guy and would affect my decision as well. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

18 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok, this is why  regular supportive therapy, in addition to medical treatment, can help you.

Manic prodromes and manic phases are difficult to self identify.

Back to your topic. Flight of ideas and paranoia are signs you need to tell your health providers about.

Thank you. I will do that...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

16 hours ago, Fudgie said:

I get that.

Also, I don't completely discount background checks. Back when I was dating (doing online dating), I would sometimes get a simple check on someone that would pull up state (not federal) arrests/convictions/some lawsits activity. It cost me $10 and it was reputable. 

I would not judge someone by what comes up on Google unless it's VERY, VERY clear that it's them (picture where you can identify the person, other details in a reputable site, etc.) I once was supposed to have a coffee date with a man and then I googled him before we met up and I found, via a local reputable news site that I was already familiar with, that he was arrested (not sure if charged, but arrested) for some kind of battery after he went ape__t on a woman.

His name wasn't super unusual but I'm not in a HUGE metro area and the stated age matched exactly and the location was also very close to where he lived. So...yeah, I texted him and told him I couldn't meet up because I was called into work and then I blocked him. 

Sometimes it really does help to look someone up. But you need to be careful you're looking at reliable, pertinent information. And if someone's name is really common, I'd forget about googling. 

I always do background check. Just like the experience you shared, Googling someone saved my life many times especially  from narcissist men.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 4/22/2021 at 6:16 AM, indea08 said:

No wonder dating is so hard for people anymore.

Why don’t you decide if you like him based on your experience with him instead of developing preconceived notions based off of some random internet search? I swear, the internet has killed humanity.

The internet is a place where peoples dark desires live. Think about all the notorious serial killers back in the day? Imagine if we had internet and search history back then, those sick individuals would've been spotted and held accountable before they decided to hurt someone. 

 

Imagine what a teenage Jeffrey Dahmers search history would say... 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

53 minutes ago, rchubn said:

The internet is a place where peoples dark desires live. Think about all the notorious serial killers back in the day? Imagine if we had internet and search history back then, those sick individuals would've been spotted and held accountable before they decided to hurt someone. 

 

Imagine what a teenage Jeffrey Dahmers search history would say... 

 

The problem arises when someone's name is John Smith or Mary Johnson or Jose Lopez. How do you know it's YOUR "John Smith" on the porn sites?

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

  • Top Discussions this Week

  • Our picks

    • If Only A Narcissist Could Say THIS
      The more you are exposed to a narcissist, the more you struggle with the question: "Why can't this person appreciate the legitimacy of me succeeding?" Dr. Les Carter muses about a statement that you won't hear from a narcissist, but offers strong words of affirmation about how to thrive despite the narcissist's gaslighting.

       
      • 0 replies
    • Surviving & Maintaining The No Contact Rule
      Surviving and maintaining the no contact rule to take your power back so you can attract better and reach your full potential. In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email success story from a viewer who went through a bad breakup about a year ago. He says that his ex broke his heart into pieces and my work helped him get through a very dark time. He says she is stalking his social media and calls from different numbers, but he has not given into weakness or the urges to let her back into his life. It’s an interesting account of a man’s journey to self-love, self-respect, healing and overcoming a toxic relationship that no longer serves him.

       
      • 0 replies
    • 5 spiritual habits that changed my life
      5 spiritual habits that changed my life
      • 0 replies
    • When a Man Ignores You - One Text Makes Him Regret It Immediately!
      In this video, I'm going to explain what to do when a man ignores you. I will also explain the reasons why men ignore the women they date and you will learn 2 powerful text messages that will turn things around and make him regret it and change his behavior. Are you Being ignored by someone you care about? IF so, you know it’s one of the most frustrating and difficult situations to deal with especially when you don’t know the reason. That’s why In this video, I’m going to share the reasons why the person you’re dating or interested in might be ignoring you. And I’m going to tell you exactly what to do about each of them.

       
      • 0 replies
    • Johnny Berba's best tips for mental health improvement: taking action reduces anxiety & depression
      In this video, Johnny Berba shares his best tips for conquering anxiety and depression. Maintaining good mental health is not as hard as some people think, it's really about taking small action steps.

       
      • 0 replies
×
×
  • Create New...