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I've been dating a guy for about 2 months, we've been seeing each other a couple of times a week, staying over at each other's houses, going for walks, hanging out, playing games, cooking together, spending the night...

We both wanted something serious and made that clear from quite early on so as to not waste time.

We talked every day, sending memes and discussing work, general nice conversation, we have lots in common.

2 weeks ago I said goodnight to him (we did that pretty much every day before sleeping) and he didnt reply - fair enough I thought, hes probably gone to sleepūüėÖ

Next day there were no messages from him whatsoever, I texted a "Hey how are you today" and again, no reply all day. Next day I sent "hey just checking you're ok? Hope work is being good to you" and again, no reply.

The day after that I was a bit worried mainly because this guy texts all day long and we are both quite talkative so I tried calling, no answer.

He then messaged me that evening saying "big problem I'll let you know I'm sorry"

So I immediately think oh crap i hope everything is ok, hope his health is good, hope everything is alright with this job and family.

So thennn I text him "ohhh hope everything is ok, I'm so sorry. Let me know if theres anything I can do to help"

No replies after that for one whole week. 

I waited 8 days and texted him to please update me whenever he could, I've been worried (which I genuinely had).

Again no response. That was around 3pm.

That evening about 11pm I'm on Instagram and I see hes posted a photo of him kissing a girl on the cheek, another photo with them both in it and a couple more of some place they went to together for the day.

I just thought WOW. What happened to communication? I would have had SO much more respect for him if he said "listen we are just not working out but I wish you the best" instead of full on ignoring me like this.

I'm not going to pretend it's been years with this person and I'm so so hurt I've lost him - it's only been two months. However there have been beautiful memories and I did like him very much.

I sent him a message after seeing the photos saying "I¬†don't really know what to say haha, it just would have been nice if you let me know we weren't working out ūüôÉ just so I knew that's all. Instead of not communicating it because I had truly no idea. I wish you all the best anyway".¬†

He saw that immediately and no reply.

 

I just feel like I (or any human being) deserve to be told about where we are at in the relationship. I feel extremely sad - not because I'm losing him but mainly because I feel that I have been treated so badly and with an element of total disrespect. I feel kinda disposable.

What makes things a bit worse is that I had made him some toy model thingies, he knows I'd made them and I'd spent quite a lot of time money and effort on them (I kept him updated throughout the process as I treated it like a commission) and he knew I was going to give those to him next time I saw him. He also knew I had planned to cook a special dish for him to bring over with me on our next date to enjoy.

These little things to me, just seem to add to the whole disrespect thing and make it seem like he didnt care. 

I'd love to know if anyone agrees with me about this and also if you think I should text him yet again, letting him know how i feel or should i just leave and forget him entirely like he seems to have done with me?

It's still all very fresh so excuse the lack of structure and the length of this absolute essay! 

Thank you..

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35 minutes ago, Buki93 said:

I've been dating a guy for about 2 months, we've been seeing each other a couple of times a week, staying over at each other's houses, going for walks, hanging out, playing games, cooking together, spending the night...

We both wanted something serious and made that clear from quite early on so as to not waste time.

We talked every day, sending memes and discussing work, general nice conversation, we have lots in common.

2 weeks ago I said goodnight to him (we did that pretty much every day before sleeping) and he didnt reply - fair enough I thought, hes probably gone to sleepūüėÖ

Next day there were no messages from him whatsoever, I texted a "Hey how are you today" and again, no reply all day. Next day I sent "hey just checking you're ok? Hope work is being good to you" and again, no reply.

The day after that I was a bit worried mainly because this guy texts all day long and we are both quite talkative so I tried calling, no answer.

He then messaged me that evening saying "big problem I'll let you know I'm sorry"

So I immediately think oh crap i hope everything is ok, hope his health is good, hope everything is alright with this job and family.

So thennn I text him "ohhh hope everything is ok, I'm so sorry. Let me know if theres anything I can do to help"

No replies after that for one whole week. 

I waited 8 days and texted him to please update me whenever he could, I've been worried (which I genuinely had).

Again no response. That was around 3pm.

That evening about 11pm I'm on Instagram and I see hes posted a photo of him kissing a girl on the cheek, another photo with them both in it and a couple more of some place they went to together for the day.

I just thought WOW. What happened to communication? I would have had SO much more respect for him if he said "listen we are just not working out but I wish you the best" instead of full on ignoring me like this.

I'm not going to pretend it's been years with this person and I'm so so hurt I've lost him - it's only been two months. However there have been beautiful memories and I did like him very much.

I sent him a message after seeing the photos saying "I¬†don't really know what to say haha, it just would have been nice if you let me know we weren't working out ūüôÉ just so I knew that's all. Instead of not communicating it because I had truly no idea. I wish you all the best anyway".¬†

He saw that immediately and no reply.

 

I just feel like I (or any human being) deserve to be told about where we are at in the relationship. I feel extremely sad - not because I'm losing him but mainly because I feel that I have been treated so badly and with an element of total disrespect. I feel kinda disposable.

What makes things a bit worse is that I had made him some toy model thingies, he knows I'd made them and I'd spent quite a lot of time money and effort on them (I kept him updated throughout the process as I treated it like a commission) and he knew I was going to give those to him next time I saw him. He also knew I had planned to cook a special dish for him to bring over with me on our next date to enjoy.

These little things to me, just seem to add to the whole disrespect thing and make it seem like he didnt care. 

I'd love to know if anyone agrees with me about this and also if you think I should text him yet again, letting him know how i feel or should i just leave and forget him entirely like he seems to have done with me?

It's still all very fresh so excuse the lack of structure and the length of this absolute essay! 

Thank you..

First at all, i'm really sorry to know about this and i hope u will find other person. You have a right things to tell him how u feel, at least an explaination why he did this to u. Leaving u without an explaination and make u worried while him happy with other person. If i was in your situation i will let him know how i feel, it wasted my time but how could he do this, if he really don't like u don't give a hope or like he care about u in the first place.if i was u i will ask him, hey listen i don't want make things complicated, can u give me a reason why are u doing me like this, why u giving me a hope when u want to be with someone else, i feel like being cheated, u know how worried i'm about u when u not replying my mesej, at least i want to hear an explaination from u for the last time.And after this i really don't care about u and move from u hope u happy with ur life now.That was my mesej to him.I hope u don't feel bad, for me u didn't nothing wrong, i hope after this, u give some space for urself and love urself more.I wish u all the best dear

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40 minutes ago, Buki93 said:

I'd love to know if anyone agrees with me about this and also if you think I should text him yet again, letting him know how i feel or should i just leave and forget him entirely like he seems to have done with me?

Leave it alone. 

Yes, it was inconsiderate and rotten of him. But you said your piece. Don't forget, this was only a two-month deal. You have to take some personal responsibility for over-investing. 

Talk is cheap. It's easy to stick to a story for a short period of time. In the first 2 - 3 months, no one is thinking straight, anyway. It's all hormone-driven.

People are still getting to know each other even after a year. It is foolhardy to take someone at face value based on a discussion that you have so early in a relationship.

Treat this as a learning experience. Next time you find yourself rushing headlong into a relationship, you'll know better.

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Well I think this guy is not worth your time if he couldn't even tell you that he's not interested anymore and he's seeing someone else. Ghosting is not nice, but maybe it can be more forgivable if it had only been one or two dates. You were seeing each other for two months, twice a week, so you were definitely dating. It's so rude of him to lie and say "big problem, tell you later", which of course made you worry. And yes he knew you were making those miniature models for him. He just sounds selfish and cowardly. It was just easier for him to ghost you so that's what he did. Doesn't sound like a good guy to be honest.

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2 hours ago, Buki93 said:

I see hes posted a photo of him kissing a girl on the cheek, another photo with them both in it and a couple more of some place they went to together for the day.

I sent him a message after seeing the photos saying "I¬†don't really know what to say haha, it just would have been nice if you let me know we weren't working out ūüôÉ just so I knew that's all. Instead of not communicating it because I had truly no idea. I wish you all the best anyway".¬†

Sorry this happened. Was he on/off with someone ?  You've already told him how you feel, now just be glad you dodged a bullet.

Delete and block him and all his people from all your social media and messaging apps.

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Please just delete his number and don't ever reach out or text him anything again. You've already texted him enough, including telling him that just ghosting you like that was uncalled for. There really comes a point where you have to accept that silence IS communication and what it communicates is that the person you are contacting doesn't wish to talk to you or be a part of your life anymore.

Telling someone who doesn't care that they hurt your feelings isn't going to make them care. He knows what he did and meant to do it because that was convenient for him. He is showing you again and again that he will continue to respond to your texts with silence. At this point, you will start to look crazy if you keep reaching out to him.

Most importantly, please don't get into this idea that his bad behavior is somehow about you or a measure of you and your value. It is not. HIs actions are not about you - just a reflection of him and who he is. You thought he is great, now you know beyond the shadow of the doubt that he is not. So stop dwelling on his behavior and move on in peace knowing that you just totally dodged a bullet. When people show you who they really are, believe them. 

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So when I read your post, I read of a very sweet and thoughtful woman who reacted with concern, kindness, and enough maturity to allow space for whatever was going on with him. I completely agree with you 100% that just stopping communication like that was pretty crappy of him, and you let him know that - good for you! This entire situation says a lot of good about you, and a lot of bad about him. You handled it, you know you were authentically yourself and you have nothing to feel bad about. He wasn’t the guy who will see those beautiful qualities in you, his loss. Take your beautiful self on down the road, keep your heart open, and you will find happiness, I’m sure of it.

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This same thing happened to me around this time last year. I felt exactly the same. 

 

Here's what I have to say: 

- This is a red flag about his character. He is clearly unable to communicate his emotions and is too immature to have tough conversations. He could've totally told you he was seeing someone else but instead he decided to ghost you in hopes you'll fade out. 

- This is extremely cruel of him. Humans are social/empathetic creatures, we cannot process someone being there one day and completely disappearing on us for good with zero explanation (This is why we struggle with death and have long grieving periods). This was emotionally cruel of him and he should feel ashamed that he allowed you to WORRY about him for DAYS before giving an explanation. 

- He is extremely insecure and I'm guessing he was probably already talking to the girl while talking to you. He clearly thinks that he needs to "double up" in order to increase his chances of getting a girl in the end.

- Chances are his relationship/friendship with the other girl progressed further than his relationship with you. It has nothing to do with your value or him not liking you.

- This was just a race between you and the other girl to see who he can reel in the fastest. Women evaluate relationship potential based on personality/character but most men evaluate based on their needs (like who will give him attention and sex the fastest) 

- This character trait he has will destroy his love life. Any man that leave like this while "talking/Dating" will probably act the same way in a marriage. He has inconsistent tendencies 

 

 

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You should feel bad for the girl. She's the sad one in this situation because she ended up with a relationship. This means he was talking to you WHILE he was trying to begin his official relationship with her...  She probably has no idea you exist. 

I'm sure they DID NOT meet during the time he stopped contacting you. He was pursing you while he was getting serious with her. His entire relationship with her is a lie. 

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4 hours ago, DancingFool said:

Most importantly, please don't get into this idea that his bad behavior is somehow about you or a measure of you and your value. It is not. HIs actions are not about you - just a reflection of him and who he is. You thought he is great, now you know beyond the shadow of the doubt that he is not. So stop dwelling on his behavior and move on in peace knowing that you just totally dodged a bullet. When people show you who they really are, believe them. 

This. It's a hard pill to swallow, but this is ultimately so true 

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Telling him how you feel won't change a thing. Plus, when he doesn't respond you'll be left feeling even worse. Why do something that will make you feel worse?

Block his number, then delete him from your phone and all social media and communication apps.

You will find someone who wants what you have to offer and who won't ditch you for someone else.

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I'd take the high road by walking away with my head held high.  The one and only message you should send him is silence, as it carries the loudest voice.

I'm sorry this happened, but when all is said and done, you'll still land on your feet.

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Don't waste an ounce more energy and time on this cold coward. You didn't know him at all until this happened. If he cared the slightest, he would've had the decency to tell you when he decided you two wouldn't be dating any longer. He didn't, so you shouldn't care about getting an apology or getting him to feel remorse. He's not a decent human being, so that won't happen.

When you eventually meet a man worthy of you, you will appreciate the right man that much more. I know that happened to me. Take care.

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I agree with the others. his loss.  don't waste your time on him.  

I know it was crappy and it hurts but.... his ending things this way proves one thing for sure...  he did you a favor. you can definitely do better than this whack job.

delete all traces and never talk to him again. How ridiculous "big problem". what a putz.

 

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This reminds me of a guy I used to date who called me one night after we'd been dating for about 8 months. He started the call by saying "I have some bad news" and proceeded to break up with me.

At the time I was devastated but later on I thought, how arrogant of him to think he was such a prize and to speak to me like breaking up was some big tragedy! Now I think the situation (and the guy,) is laughable.

Side note, several years later he tried to start dating me again. I told him no because I didn't want him any more. He also contacted me a couple of months ago and again I declined. I unfriended him for a reason!

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There's no reason to text him again. He won't reply. Look back at the history. He would have replied to you if he wanted to. He doesn't want to. 

I think he felt you were a bit full on perhaps with the toy models and dishes. That is very sweet, by the way. You seem like a generous person with a big heart. Save this for someone you've known a little longer next time. 

I agree with you he could have given you a straight answer. Most people (yes, read "most") do not have the courage or the guts to say so. 

I remember the first date I went on after I separated was with a guy I had no chemistry with whatsoever. We were the same age but he felt like a younger brother by about thirty years. We just did not meet eye to eye and he was asking me a lot of personal details about work or my industry and how to improve himself professionally. He was a complete gentleman and texted me after the meet up which I replied to but I also mentioned it was nice meeting but I didn't feel any chemistry. We wished each other the best and that was it. I am sure there is someone much more suited to him out there.

Let this go. There will be better men who will deserve you and appreciate you. Don't let this experience cause you to feel jaded.

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No, do not contact him anymore.  he knows what he's done here and you've already said enough the last time you contacted him, when you saw his post.

So, respectfully and for your own self just leave it be now.

I know it's a crusher ūüėē¬†... been there, but by sounds of it, he's either¬† a player, or an ex showed up in his life again.

So don't let what he does, sit on you too heavily - and be glad it was only a cpl months, not years.

 

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23 hours ago, Jibralta said:

Leave it alone. 

Yes, it was inconsiderate and rotten of him. But you said your piece. Don't forget, this was only a two-month deal. You have to take some personal responsibility for over-investing. 

Talk is cheap. It's easy to stick to a story for a short period of time. In the first 2 - 3 months, no one is thinking straight, anyway. It's all hormone-driven.

People are still getting to know each other even after a year. It is foolhardy to take someone at face value based on a discussion that you have so early in a relationship.

Treat this as a learning experience. Next time you find yourself rushing headlong into a relationship, you'll know better.

Your words make a lot of sense, thanks for your input. I'm glad it didnt go on longer

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21 hours ago, Tinydance said:

Well I think this guy is not worth your time if he couldn't even tell you that he's not interested anymore and he's seeing someone else. Ghosting is not nice, but maybe it can be more forgivable if it had only been one or two dates. You were seeing each other for two months, twice a week, so you were definitely dating. It's so rude of him to lie and say "big problem, tell you later", which of course made you worry. And yes he knew you were making those miniature models for him. He just sounds selfish and cowardly. It was just easier for him to ghost you so that's what he did. Doesn't sound like a good guy to be honest.

Exactly, you're saying what I'm thinking too - very selfish and cowardly. We all deserve the best, not someone like that

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21 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. Was he on/off with someone ?  You've already told him how you feel, now just be glad you dodged a bullet.

Delete and block him and all his people from all your social media and messaging apps.

He had an ex but as far as I knew they ended things amicably. As you say I'm glad I dodged something that could have been so much worse into the future. Thanks

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18 hours ago, DancingFool said:

Please just delete his number and don't ever reach out or text him anything again. You've already texted him enough, including telling him that just ghosting you like that was uncalled for. There really comes a point where you have to accept that silence IS communication and what it communicates is that the person you are contacting doesn't wish to talk to you or be a part of your life anymore.

Telling someone who doesn't care that they hurt your feelings isn't going to make them care. He knows what he did and meant to do it because that was convenient for him. He is showing you again and again that he will continue to respond to your texts with silence. At this point, you will start to look crazy if you keep reaching out to him.

Most importantly, please don't get into this idea that his bad behavior is somehow about you or a measure of you and your value. It is not. HIs actions are not about you - just a reflection of him and who he is. You thought he is great, now you know beyond the shadow of the doubt that he is not. So stop dwelling on his behavior and move on in peace knowing that you just totally dodged a bullet. When people show you who they really are, believe them. 

Thanks for your input - I do agree with you and esp after seeing all the responses. I was overwhelmed at the time and just could not think straight.

So much better to be with someone worthy than someone who is like this deep down. Glad I got to find out about it sooner rather than later.

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18 hours ago, indea08 said:

So when I read your post, I read of a very sweet and thoughtful woman who reacted with concern, kindness, and enough maturity to allow space for whatever was going on with him. I completely agree with you 100% that just stopping communication like that was pretty crappy of him, and you let him know that - good for you! This entire situation says a lot of good about you, and a lot of bad about him. You handled it, you know you were authentically yourself and you have nothing to feel bad about. He wasn’t the guy who will see those beautiful qualities in you, his loss. Take your beautiful self on down the road, keep your heart open, and you will find happiness, I’m sure of it.

Aw you're so sweet for saying those things - I do agree its crappy for anyone to treat anyone else like that, shows a complete lack of respect for feelings and deffo immaturity. Thanks again

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15 hours ago, rchubn said:

This same thing happened to me around this time last year. I felt exactly the same. 

 

Here's what I have to say: 

- This is a red flag about his character. He is clearly unable to communicate his emotions and is too immature to have tough conversations. He could've totally told you he was seeing someone else but instead he decided to ghost you in hopes you'll fade out. 

- This is extremely cruel of him. Humans are social/empathetic creatures, we cannot process someone being there one day and completely disappearing on us for good with zero explanation (This is why we struggle with death and have long grieving periods). This was emotionally cruel of him and he should feel ashamed that he allowed you to WORRY about him for DAYS before giving an explanation. 

- He is extremely insecure and I'm guessing he was probably already talking to the girl while talking to you. He clearly thinks that he needs to "double up" in order to increase his chances of getting a girl in the end.

- Chances are his relationship/friendship with the other girl progressed further than his relationship with you. It has nothing to do with your value or him not liking you.

- This was just a race between you and the other girl to see who he can reel in the fastest. Women evaluate relationship potential based on personality/character but most men evaluate based on their needs (like who will give him attention and sex the fastest) 

- This character trait he has will destroy his love life. Any man that leave like this while "talking/Dating" will probably act the same way in a marriage. He has inconsistent tendencies 

 

 

Thanks so much for your detailed input. 

You're right and I agree with everything really. How he can ever be able to maintain a healthy relationship with anyone if this is the way he behaves is beyond me. Its shallow and disrespectful and super childish. Glad I got out of it when I did, the hurt will be over very soon.

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15 hours ago, rchubn said:

You should feel bad for the girl. She's the sad one in this situation because she ended up with a relationship. This means he was talking to you WHILE he was trying to begin his official relationship with her...  She probably has no idea you exist. 

I'm sure they DID NOT meet during the time he stopped contacting you. He was pursing you while he was getting serious with her. His entire relationship with her is a lie. 

I agree, I hope the girl doesnt have to go through the emotional nightmare I did, I've always been quite sensitive so it didnt help at all. 

Whatever the case with the girl and relationship is I dont want anything to do with someone who treated me like that anymore. I'll get over the hurt soon enough!

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