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struggle phase: (distance and not being able to help a lot)


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Hey,

I started dating this angel since the beginning of covid-19. it has been hard for her specially she is younger than me 5 years younger. and we are from different countries and so far away from each other like there is an ocean between us. but i really love her and she does too i had so many relations before her so i know this one is true we are together for almost 2 years now since 2020 as i said.

the problem now is in the distance i am planning to meet her when i can but this can happen so late cause i still have military or army to go to

also i am feeling helpless cause i am not there for her when she needs help and even us talking about a problem i feel i am not good enough in it cause i don't know how to deal with bad things to be honest and i don't know how to make her feel better just over text.

 

so can anyone help me ? i really want this to last and i really love her i want to know how to make her feel better at least just about the problems she is having i am trying to only listen though i want to know if there is more

 

we are in that struggle phase where we fought 3 times now and it keeps getting to the point where we say we should break up and i don't want that to happen neither is she.

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IMO, people who choose to date for years on end, long distance people they've never met, have emotional issues  that make them avoid local dating, or because of their issues and possibly things to hide, nobody local wants to date them.

Sorry, I have no advice for people who live in a cyber space fantasy world except to say that the alternate--being with someone 3D, enjoying companionship locally, is living in a real world where you date at a normal pace and get to know every facet of who a person is. 

If a woman is a beautiful, together person, there's no way she'd be putting herself on ice for 2 to 5 years for an unknown.

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What kind of problems is she having? There are some things you can't help or fix even as partner, dating locally. Being so far away, your gauge of whether it's appropriate to help her in the first place is coming second hand down the pipeline because you're not seeing each other in real time. 

If you find yourself continuously "helping" someone ask yourself whether it's appropriate in the first place or whether it's your place to help. She may need to see a doctor or speak to other qualified professionals instead. 

 

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Yup, I agree with all of the above.

There will always be challenges when you fancy someone from far away.  Nothing can ever be 'real'.  You have no real contact... and I hope all of this has not been all thru text?

And, if she is having problems, there is not a lot you can do about it... maybe she does need more professional help?  We just cannot 'make someone feel better'.

When you are into someone from a great distance, you can expect problems. ( btw, this is early 2021, so if you've been involved since 2020, it has not been 2 yrs yet).

So, is up to you to accept, not much you can do.  She's pretty much on her own, as are you in this.

Maybe, is time for you to accept this is what you get!  To have many problems with this kind of relationship, or just put it to rest and look to find someone who is more local.

 

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Posted (edited)

@Andrina@SooSad33
@Wiseman2 @Rose Mosse
umm.. I see none of you had a long distance relationship what so ever so thank you for your opinions but they lack a lot of empathy.

 

though what I meant with help was things like normal issues at school failing a test maybe or getting in a fight with one of your friends .. a pet dying for you.. like things you say to comfort them when it happens of course i know all i can do at the moment is communicate when i can but i was asking if some body else felt like me that they are helpless cuz of the distance. and i am sure i didn't mean "help" as they wanna kill them selves help lol you took it so far guys

and ya we still didn't meet but im planning on doing that as soon as possible.

 

replying to some of the comments you said guys "think it's you who is in this situation before you answer" thank you.

 

Edited by cuteWolf
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3 hours ago, cuteWolf said:

umm.. I see none of you had a long distance relationship what so ever so thank you for your opinions but they lack a lot of empathy.

That, of which you can only assume 😉 .. and yes, I have. Did it last? No.

You asked if anyone can help you & that you've had 3 fights, so far.

 I get it, you feel helpless.  But you already know the facts.  You cannot see her for a good while, still- so that won't change.

I don't really know what anyone can say about this issue...(since anything people here said wasn't what you wanted to hear..)...So...

Why don't you ask her?

Edited by SooSad33
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On 4/19/2021 at 9:43 AM, cuteWolf said:

 we fought 3 times now and it keeps getting to the point where we say we should break up 

xtcpanda, She's right. You need to end it.

She has local friends and family and who know her and her life.

LDR doesn't necessarily mean never met, cyber-relationships only.

You're not really a good friend if you're not there helping out in real life.

How old is she? Under 18?

 

 

Edited by Wiseman2
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