Need help getting back my ex gf

[madarlakas123]

Hey!! 

My(M25) ex girlfriend (F20) broke up 5 days ago.

Our relationship ended because a few reasons.

I would start i am a music producer/dj and relatively succesful. I hit a major longer period creative block that affected my mental health. At times no matter how hard i wanted to create,i couldnt create,and it made me so stressed and feel helpless that i stonewalled everyone around me for hours.This happened a few times. These mishaps went through Fb messenger every time.I couldnt deal with the situation,and i was cold with her on socials. I said im sorry and im not mad on her or anything,but kept making these errors.Eventually i started to fix this and later on went to get psychotherapy but i still made this error a few times.She saw that i actual want to change this and said that shes proud of me because of this.

Another thing is the irrational fear of me being cheated on again,like in my previous relationships.Those were really hard to digest and i had to see a psychologist for a long time. Its not like that i didnt trusted my gf,but this fear kicked in a lot of times she went out,even if i knew she went to see her bestie. I told her that i am really sorry for this,i just love her really much and really afraid of loosing her. She said she can somewhere understand this as the same thing happened with her too.

 

Another thing is the lack of communications. 

There were times where my gf was afraid to tell me what her problems were,afraid of how i would react,flip out or something. For example making music didn't worked out on a tuesday,i was harsh with her,went to sleep,and said sorry i was an idiot when i woke up the next day. (Just an example)

But when she came to stay for the weekend she didnt show any sign or say that shes kinda mad about it,or that she thinks its a serious problem in our relationship. So these things and everything wrong i did builded up in her and she got enough of it slowly.

She said this is her fault and her part in us breaking up.

She told me she dont want to continue before we break up but insisted we talk the details in person.

In person i brang her flowers,i saw she was happy to see me,the soon she saw me,she started smiling.

I told her i realized how idiot i was i love her shes the most important,and promised to change and asked to have a second chance (that im aware too). She asked for time to think through.

2 days later we had a phone call where she said she thinks right now it would be better not to be together,she doesnt think i could change and she's afraid we gonna end up in the same arguments again. She really really loves me and want to give me a chance But cant right now. I told her that i will fight for her and wont give up like she didnt gave up for me (we were friends for 1 years before we were a couple and i knew she was into me). She only replied with  good/allright to this ("Jó" in Hungarian.)

She also said this is how she feels at the time,she doesn't know how will she feel in 1-2 weeks.  ( I know theres no third person and she would never put me in a plan b state. )

 

Apart from these things,our love was phenomenal,soulmates,best friends,we really loved each other. Couldnt seperate us and our friends really saw that deep bond between us. Some of them were jealous how we even look at each other. I have a big hand written letter wrote by her saying how i made her feel special like noone in this universe before. We planned future together. I never hit her, cheated on her.

Since the breakup we dont really talk,shes very cold and distant,even though she wanted to keep talking and be in good standing. 

Im in a very bad shape since. The breakup hit me hard...so I Really want to get her back. I know i have to fix my things first. But really afraid that she's gone forever. Do you guys have some tips? I really dont want to mess this up. And i would do everything to get Her back.

 

 

Sorry if the phrasing is not perfect,this is my first post here. 

 

Cheers

 

 

 

 

[gamon]

Trying to change for another person. and not being an ‘idiot’ (your word not mine)  shows you care about them and their needs. 
 

Attempting to change after being dumped means it’s about you and trying to get what you want. 
 

It’s selfish and really shows how much you need to really change before you consider dating her or anyone else for that matter. 
 

Start by showing her you care by respecting her wishes and leave her alone. 

[LotusBlack]

9 minutes ago, gamon said:

 Attempting to change after being dumped means it’s about you and trying to get what you want. 

I do believe he said he was already seeking help to change some of these issues before they broke up - he underwent psychotherapy for one problem and saw a psychologist for another.

[Rose Mosse]

Just focus on your music career and get to a point where you are comfortable about this not working out. Why? The reason is because you want to be sure you're strong enough to walk away also from something that no longer helps you grow forward.

Any time a person is looking to make up for a loss, the motive behind recovering that loss is questionable. It's a void and a kneejerk reaction to that loss. 

If you both decide months from now to start slow or reconcile, that's fine but that's a mutual decision not a unilateral one. 

Don't listen to bs online about winning her over tricks. There's nothing more irritating about a man or woman than one who tries trickery or manipulation.

Take care of you and don't worry about whether she remains in your life or not. The point is to live well. If it's without this person, so be it. More to follow. 

 

[Wiseman2]

How long were you dating. You need to see a physician about the moods, anxiety and anger.

Therapy can help for some of life's road blocks, but it's less effective for severe cases like bipolar disorder,etc.

A therapist helps, but it's to the point where you are being abusive. Self centered and self destructive.

You need a new line of work. Get a side hustle when your creativity slacks.

Stay out of relationships for a while. Focus on getting your moods, profession and life under better control.

You can skip the "get your ex back" scams which advise these creepy hand written letters, claiming you're reformed etc.

 

[madarlakas123]

31 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How long were you dating. You need to see a physician about the moods, anxiety and anger.

Therapy can help for some of life's road blocks, but it's less effective for severe cases like bipolar disorder,etc.

A therapist helps, but it's to the point where you are being abusive. Self centered and self destructive.

You need a new line of work. Get a side hustle when your creativity slacks.

Stay out of relationships for a while. Focus on getting your moods, profession and life under better control.

You can skip the "get your ex back" scams which advise these creepy hand written letters, claiming you're reformed etc.

 

Thabks for the answe. We've been together for 1.5 years.

[madarlakas123]

Thank you all for the replies! 

The only thing i dont understand is why she keep sending me messages and pictures (snapchat) if she knows its harder to move on like that. Also if i reply she leaves me on seen or reply just hours later.

Seems like she doesnt want to cut every form of communication. 

Im just generally confused because she knows its harder for me but i know 120% shes like one of the best humans. I know she wouldnt play with me like this,shes not a person like this.

 

 

[MissCanuck]

13 minutes ago, nukerzje said:

why she keep sending me messages and pictures (snapchat)

She enjoys your attention, and is weaning herself off of you slowly. 

She shouldn't be doing that at all after she's broken up with you. Tell her to please stop. 

[madarlakas123]

16 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

She enjoys your attention, and is weaning herself off of you slowly. 

She shouldn't be doing that at all after she's broken up with you. Tell her to please stop. 

I know she wouldnt do this just for fun,or to make it easy for herself. Shes not that type of a person.
She would cut me off completely on all socials,to make it easier for both of us.

 

[Wiseman2]

15 minutes ago, nukerzje said:

She would cut me off completely on all socials,to make it easier for both of us.

That's your responsibility, not hers.

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, nukerzje said:

I know she wouldnt do this just for fun,or to make it easy for herself. Shes not that type of a person.
She would cut me off completely on all socials,to make it easier for both of us
 

So, are you saying she's doing this because she wants to get back together?