confused and fed up

[Breanna]

This is a very long post,so i apoligize but there is alot to the story😂so I am not saying I am not in love anymore,I love him very much but I am getting fed up and I dont know how much one woman is suppose to take before she gives up,and he tells me im the problem and so does his family they think I am though they never even gave me my own chance because sadlt they never got to meet me much and just believe whatever he tells them.It started off great and the relationship still is great when we are together but im starting to think its only great because everything has gone his way and is still going his way.I had moved in with him and I even transferred my job to another walmart pharmacy to the town he was in because If i stayed at the job I was It was like 45 min drive vs 15 mins so i decided would be smarter to switch to closer walmart.I did love my current walmart though and didnt want to leave but knew it was a smarter decision if I wanted to live with him.So moved in and even changed my job.So we decided to plan having a baby a bit after ,it was mutual and I am still very excited and happy about it,yet If i knew things would go how they are between us I wouldnt have brought my daughter into it though Its what im most excited about right now and will never regret her.

The relationship started off good he was sensitive,kind and very loving and I for saw my future with him and our little girl and he got along great with my family which is a huge plus for me because I am very close with my family. Well when we got pregnant We thought about wanting a baby but then realized shoot the appt we live in isnt very fit for a baby and plus Im on my dads insurance until im 26 and I also lived in wv meanwhile my dads insurance is in Ohio. .and i didnt live with them.So for my care while im pregnant could have been an issue.I cant be on fiances because we arnt married.Though the baby can and is going to be on fiances when shes born.We shortly got engaged after being pregnant and our wedding was planned to happen in Dec but with covid being a thing two weeks before our planned wedding.

They had said no dancing or huge amounts of people and all so we decided to cancel and wait for a time we could do it all the way we wanted plus things wernt going 100% so tbh yeah I was devastated it was canceled especially my mother and I had already bought all the decorations, my dress ,the church, the dj and just spent alot of time and money. We did reschedule it for july and when baby is here and about 3 months old she will be, though but yeah i dont see that happening even more so now with what my fiance has caused. So my fiance was in debt with a few credit cards and Its not i didnt have faith in him but i started to panick and my mom suggested we stay with them until we can save enough money to buy a house. We all agreed to it, it wasnt suppose to be for very long. Planned before the baby was here. Would give him time to pay off debts and also wouldnt have to pay ungodly rent and other items.

My mom is a veryy kind and giving person and even living there for a short time they got along great,we had good holidays and everything else and even on thanksgiving i found out the gender of the baby and she helped me make a box and all to surprise him. Meanwhile on the side lines his family were always butting in and saying things about us living there and or even making comments about really ANYTHING I did. The way i did gender reveal was wrong,The way my fiance proposed to me was wrong, Me annoncing OUR baby the way i wanted was wrong. His mother even admitted when she found out I was pregnant called him and asked if its what he wanted and was it planned and he said yes it was and its what he wanted like trying to say i trapped him.The way The wedding was going to be was wrong. Yes,I would have rather have included everyone and did a little gender reveal party and all but tbh with covid I havnt done much of anything with large gatherings other than go to work with being pregnant I have wanted to be safe. Also they travel back and fourth to fl frequent,half dont believe in masks,and they go to bars and all and I dont want to risk my babies safety and wanted to stay healthy. I found out I was pregnant in August so almost the start of the whole covid thing.

Yet his family hasnt respected how i feel about that even. I told them covid was why and There was even a time his mom seriously trapped me which she even admitted to doing or else she wouldnt have seen me.Fiance and I had to drive 2 hours up to take care of his cats since she kept them while we stayed at my moms and even after we moved out till we got house closed on cats had to stay there .His mom she goes to fl for the summer so on weekends we would drive up and re do their food and litter boxes and all and she decided to "surprise" me and gets off a flight and shows up to meet me. I didnt like that at all but didnt say anything but it showed me his family doesnt respect my feelings even had to hear his mom degrade me on the phone how I can go "Shopping" and to work but cant drive to see them.

One I dont go shopping i get groceries because i have to and yes i have been places to buy things for my child coming someone has to but i stay safe and wear a mask. Also She never has once messaged me the whole pregnancy asking about me or the baby,asking if im okay or anything.She doesnt even drive here to see my fiance really.. Because its "too far" yet Im suppose to drive 2 hours plus not comfortable pregnant and sick,had 3 utis during pregnancy for her.I even told her it works both ways and anytime she would have asked to even meet halway and or reach out yes I would have because im not mean like that and care about family and i wanted my daughter to have a nice family.Also someone who hasnt even spoke to me. i was sick every day into my second trimester and drove 45 mins back and fourth to work puking without complaining ever. When we were living with my parents they seemed to get along and everything seemed going as planned.Then one day I randomly saw a piece of mail and It was a loan for a home.I nicely sat my fiance down and said "Do you have something to tell me?" yet i was crying because my heart was broke because at that time I knew what was going on and I couldnt believe it.I wanted a home but a home with US.The baby,him and I one that we all picked and had a part in.

So turns out he goes and buys a home without me seeing,picking and i dont own it either he does. Also his father even toured it with him and his brothers and all knew about it.Everyone did but me and my family.Yes obvi i was super upset how was i suppose to feel yet hes living in my parents home suppose to be reason we are staying so WE can find a house so yeah it didnt go very well when my parents found out what he had done not only feeling like he used them but hurting their daughter.They got into a bad argument and my mom asked him to leave and he moved out and ended up staying with a work friend.It was a week ,we talked and all but I then decided to go with him.

We stayed for a little over a month at his friends one i never met while i was super pregnant and slept on a blow up mattress while we waited for the house he bought to close so we could move in. I know it sounds silly and everyone thought so..but yes i slept for a month with a stranger on a blow up mattress pregnant and then now im living in the house he picked and i dont own and can be thrown out anytime. Also When we moved back to my moms in my town after i got pregant I did transfer back to my old job and He bought a house more convient for him not me or his daughter im driving 35 mins everyday and hes barley driving anything plus drives a work vehicle so doesnt have to pay for gas.Hes off at 4 everyday i work till 6 and 7 and dont get home till later. His reasoning for buying this home was so he doesnt have to drive far and get  for free cable lol.S ince hes a cable guy and gets free cable but they dont offer this cable provider in my town.

So basically for all his benefits not me or even his daughter. So idk how or why but ive over looked all that and have tried to make this house a home and let me forget to mention it needs alot of work. Like alot of renovation not a house you move someone that far along pregnant into. I said as long as we get the baby a room thats all i care about rn. So i had to get on him about that even and finally after taking him weeks of stalling working on it He peeled all wallpaper off and we painted it and all and its getting somewhere. But doesnt get why not having this done this close to me being due is stressful to me. we got new carpet and all for it and he claimed he was going to hire someone yet 3 ,4 weeks till im due no carpet person. My mom remodels and is very good with decorating and all so she came over and did the carpet for me and hung the babies chandelier like I wanted so now when the baby comes I at least can have a nursery to be happy about and sit in and smile and put her in. Also fiance and i put crib and other items together.

But When he learned the nursery was carpeted and the babies room and babies room was looking nice he didnt like it and its been an argument saying thats our job and this and that and your mom has no buisness and i asked her to.Also if things were getting done i wouldnt have to, but its obvious he isnt this close now..it was getting scary. Same with a dishwasher we bought he said it would be done before baby got here yet my due date is in exactly two weeks ,so anytime now and still no dishwasher so yeah ive accepted no dish washer either. So even when i moved in my mom was told she could help me decorate the babies room and tbh its something i wanted to do with her. We even picked it all together ,not him he didnt show interest ive bought everything for her and have gotten everything washed, bought and ready for her or it wouldnt be right now..so now thats not allowed either and has to be about him even messaged her saying stay away.

So now my mom and I havnt talked in days or not alot because shes hurt one im allowing him to treat me that way and two allowing him to treat her that way and letting someone tell me.. and i know she was really looking forward to be apart of something. Yet i feel there is nothing i can do and there isnt because he owns this house and if he says no then She cant come help me. He has made everything about him, to where we live, to how Im going to have my babies room and who i do it with, Also my mom even planned and bought very lavish and spend her time and money on a dream baby shower for me and due to all the family drama my fiance caused by telling lies about obvi me and my family we canceled it so i didnt get a baby shower either. Even came to a point my fiance said he was going to throw his own virtual shower like hug..Whos having the baby here.

Same with maternity pictures i waited and waited for either one him hiring, taking or even asking about maternity pictures but he never did so finally my mom took her time to take me out in a dress i bought and got some nice pics of me so id have them. Meanwhile this was week before last so yeah 36 weeks pregnant. Figured i mise well get some before i dont have those either before its too late. Though Ive heard about that now too about how he wasnt included in the pictures. Its always about him.. Never how I feel or even considering my feelings or what Ive even had to sacrifice or give up for him.I gave up my job at first for him, Not choosing my own home or picking it,A baby shower, just alot because I love him but what is he for me? Wont even let me decorate with who I want something so small and i gave up things so big. 

[Breanna]

18 minutes ago, Breanna said:

This is a very long post,so i apoligize but there is alot to the story😂so I am not saying I am not in love anymore,I love him very much but I am getting fed up and I dont know how much one woman is suppose to take before she gives up,and he tells me im the problem and so does his family they think I am though they never even gave me my own chance because sadlt they never got to meet me much and just believe whatever he tells them.It started off great and the relationship still is great when we are together but im starting to think its only great because everything has gone his way and is still going his way.I had moved in with him and I even transferred my job to another walmart pharmacy to the town he was in because If i stayed at the job I was It was like 45 min drive vs 15 mins so i decided would be smarter to switch to closer walmart.I did love my current walmart though and didnt want to leave but knew it was a smarter decision if I wanted to live with him.So moved in and even changed my job.So we decided to plan having a baby a bit after ,it was mutual and I am still very excited and happy about it,yet If i knew things would go how they are between us I wouldnt have brought my daughter into it though Its what im most excited about right now and will never regret her. The relationship started off good he was sensitive,kind and very loving and I for saw my future with him and our little girl and he got along great with my family which is a huge plus for me because I am very close with my family. Well when we got pregnant We thought about wanting a baby but then realized shoot the appt we live in isnt very fit for a baby and plus Im on my dads insurance until im 26 and I also lived in wv meanwhile my dads insurance is in Ohio. .and i didnt live with them.So for my care while im pregnant could have been an issue.I cant be on fiances because we arnt married.Though the baby can and is going to be on fiances when shes born.We shortly got engaged after being pregnant and our wedding was planned to happen in Dec but with covid being a thing two weeks before our planned wedding They had said no dancing or huge amounts of people and all so we decided to cancel and wait for a time we could do it all the way we wanted plus things wernt going 100% so tbh yeah I was devastated it was canceled especially my mother and I had already bought all the decorations,my dress ,the church,the dj and just spent alot of time and money. We did reschedule it for july and when baby is here and about 3 months old she will be,though but yeah i dont see that happening even more so now with what my fiance has caused.So my fiance was in debt with a few credit cards and Its not i didnt have faith in him but i started to panick and my mom suggested we stay with them until we can save enough money to buy a house.We all agreed to it,it wasnt suppose to be for very long.Planned before the baby was here.Would give him time to pay off debts and also wouldnt have to pay ungodly rent and other items. My mom is a veryy kind and giving person and even living there for a short time they got along great,we had good holidays and everything else and even on thanksgiving i found out the gender of the baby and she helped me make a box and all to surprise him. Meanwhile on the side lines his family were always butting in and saying things about us living there and or even making comments about really ANYTHING I did. The way i did gender reveal was wrong,The way my fiance proposed to me was wrong,Me annoncing OUR baby the way i wanted was wrong. His mother even admitted when she found out I was pregnant called him and asked if its what he wanted and was it planned and he said yes it was and its what he wanted like trying to say i trapped him.The way The wedding was going to be was wrong.Yes,I would have rather have included everyone and did a little gender reveal party and all but tbh with covid I havnt done much of anything with large gatherings other than go to work with being pregnant I have wanted to be safe.Also they travel back and fourth to fl frequent,half dont believe in masks,and they go to bars and all and I dont want to risk my babies safety and wanted to stay healthy. I found out I was pregnant in August so almost the start of the whole covid thing.Yet his family hasnt respected how i feel about that even. I told them covid was why and There was even a time his mom seriously trapped me which she even admitted to doing or else she wouldnt have seen me.Fiance and I had to drive 2 hours up to take care of his cats since she kept them while we stayed at my moms and even after we moved out till we got house closed on cats had to stay there .His mom she goes to fl for the summer so on weekends we would drive up and re do their food and litter boxes and all and she decided to "surprise" me and gets off a flight and shows up to meet me. I didnt like that at all but didnt say anything but it showed me his family doesnt respect my feelings even had to hear his mom degrade me on the phone how I can go "Shopping" and to work but cant drive to see them.One I dont go shopping i get groceries because i have to and yes i have been places to buy things for my child coming someone has to but i stay safe and wear a mask. Also She never has once messaged me the whole pregnancy asking about me or the baby,asking if im okay or anything.She doesnt even drive here to see my fiance really..Because its "too far" yet Im suppose to drive 2 hours plus not comfortable pregnant and sick,had 3 utis during pregnancy for her.I even told her it works both ways and anytime she would have asked to even meet halway and or reach out yes I would have because im not mean like that and care about family and i wanted my daughter to have a nice family.Also someone who hasnt even spoke to me. i was sick every day into my second trimester and drove 45 mins back and fourth to work puking without complaining ever. When we were living with my parents they seemed to get along and everything seemed going as planned.Then one day I randomly saw a piece of mail and It was a loan for a home.I nicely sat my fiance down and said "Do you have something to tell me?" yet i was crying because my heart was broke because at that time I knew what was going on and I couldnt believe it.I wanted a home but a home with US.The baby,him and I one that we all picked and had a part in.So turns out he goes and buys a home without me seeing,picking and i dont own it either he does. Also his father even toured it with him and his brothers and all knew about it.Everyone did but me and my family.Yes obvi i was super upset how was i suppose to feel yet hes living in my parents home suppose to be reason we are staying so WE can find a house so yeah it didnt go very well when my parents found out what he had done not only feeling like he used them but hurting their daughter.They got into a bad argument and my mom asked him to leave and he moved out and ended up staying with a work friend.It was a week ,we talked and all but I then decided to go with him.We stayed for a little over a month at his friends one i never met while i was super pregnant and slept on a blow up mattress while we waited for the house he bought to close so we could move in. I know it sounds silly and everyone thought so..but yes i slept for a month with a stranger on a blow up mattress pregnant and then now im living in the house he picked and i dont own and can be thrown out anytime. Also When we moved back to my moms in my town after i got pregant I did transfer back to my old job and He bought a house more convient for him not me or his daughter im driving 35 mins everyday and hes barley driving anything plus drives a work vehicle so doesnt have to pay for gas.Hes off at 4 everyday i work till 6 and 7 and dont get home till later. His reasoning for buying this home was so he doesnt have to drive far and get  for free cable lol.Since hes a cable guy and gets free cable but they dont offer this cable provider in my town. So basically for all his benefits not me or even his daughter. So idk how or why but ive over looked all that and have tried to make this house a home and let me forget to mention it needs alot of work.Like alot of renovation not a house you move someone that far along pregnant into.I said as long as we get the baby a room thats all i care about rn.So i had to get on him about that even and finally after taking him weeks of stalling working on it He peeled all wallpaper off and we painted it and all and its getting somewhere.But doesnt get why not having this done this close to me being due is stressful to me.we got new carpet and all for it and he claimed he was going to hire someone yet 3 ,4 weeks till im due no carpet person.My mom remodels and is very good with decorating and all so she came over and did the carpet for me and hung the babies chandelier like I wanted so now when the baby comes I at least can have a nursery to be happy about and sit in and smile and put her in. Also fiance and i put crib and other items together.But When he learned the nursery was carpeted and the babies room and babies room was looking nice he didnt like it and its been an argument saying thats our job and this and that and your mom has no buisness and i asked her to.Also if things were getting done i wouldnt have to,but its obvious he isnt this close now..it was getting scary.Same with a dishwasher we bought he said it would be done before baby got here yet my due date is in exactly two weeks ,so anytime now and still no dishwasher so yeah ive accepted no dish washer either.So even when i moved in my mom was told she could help me decorate the babies room and tbh its something i wanted to do with her.We even picked it all together ,not him he didnt show interest ive bought everything for her and have gotten everything washed,bought and ready for her or it wouldnt be right now..so now thats not allowed either and has to be about him even messaged her saying stay away.So now my mom and I havnt talked in days or not alot because shes hurt one im allowing him to treat me that way and two allowing him to treat her that way and letting someone tell me..and i know she was really looking forward to be apart of something.Yet i feel there is nothing i can do and there isnt because he owns this house and if he says no then She cant come help me. He has made everything about him,to where we live,to how Im going to have my babies room and who i do it with,Also my mom even planned and bought very lavish and spend her time and money on a dream baby shower for me and due to all the family drama my fiance caused by telling lies about obvi me and my family we canceled it so i didnt get a baby shower either.Even came to a point my fiance said he was going to throw his own virtual shower like hug..Whos having the baby here. Same with maternity pictures i waited and waited for either one him hiring,taking or even asking about maternity pictures but he never did so finally my mom took her time to take me out in a dress i bought and got some nice pics of me so id have them.Meanwhile this was week before last so yeah 36 weeks pregnant.Figured i mise well get some before i dont have those either before its too late.Though Ive heard about that now too about how he wasnt included in the pictures. Its always about him..Never how I feel or even considering my feelings or what Ive even had to sacrifice or give up for him.I gave up my job at first for him,Not choosing my own home or picking it,A baby shower,just alot because I love him but what is he for me? Wont even let me decorate with who I want something so small and i gave up things so big. Also not to mention due to covid my fiance is also the only person allowed in for delivery too and even the whole hopsital stay.So my mom has to miss out on everything

 

[Wiseman2]

45 minutes ago, Breanna said:

Meanwhile this was week before last so yeah 36 weeks pregnant.

Focus on delivery, taking care of the child and providing a stable home environment. Focus on your health and well being. Forget about the parties and pics etc. for now. Wait until things stabilize. 

[Rose Mosse]

Perhaps the down payment came from his parents so he felt influenced by his father and mother or compelled not to have your name on the deed. I would be upset also, all things considered.

If you decide to marry, talk about the house and other things such as childrearing. It won't serve either of you keeping quiet or not communicating. Think of your future and your child's future. Wishing you well and a smooth birth. 

 

[abitbroken]

Okay a lot to unpack here.

If you are not on the house, it may be a blessing in disguise. If you decide to leave him, you don't owe a penny on the house and you can more easily walk away in that regard.

You made some very adult decisions before you were fully launched yourself as an adult. You are on your father's insurance.  Why? You aren't going to school, you have a good job. Walmart offers a lot of benefits. You are not a little girl, yet you decided to bring a baby into the world with a dude you are not married to.  If you really wanted to marry him, you would have - without the "party" - you would have married at the church with a very parred down guest list with no reception - maybe just a toast - with an outdoor get together at a later date.

HE also need to grow up. He lets his parents run things a bit or so it seems. 

Its too late now - the cart has long passed the horse.

So what do you do now?  You can bide your time, some employers pay for some schooling. you could be a pharmacist instead of a tech eventually maybe.

Concentrate on your baby and getting yourself set up for your future. Talk to an attorney and see what you need to do to establish your rights should anything go south etc.  Save your own money so no matter what you have somewhere to go or if you stay with him, you will have a say in more - because you can finance it.

But stop worrying about the petty little crap -- if you have no dishwasher, big deal.  and focus on your baby

[catfeeder]

I didn't get through this, but the question that popped up for me is, how do you know all of these negative opinions from his family? 

[DarkCh0c0]

I second @abitbroken.

Stay with your mom, and away from this non-loving man. Focus on your health and the baby's.

[Batya33]

On 4/18/2021 at 8:47 PM, abitbroken said:

You are not a little girl, yet you decided to bring a baby into the world with a dude you are not married to.  If you really wanted to marry him, you would have - without the "party" - you would have married at the church with a very parred down guest list with no reception - maybe just a toast - with an outdoor get together at a later date.

I agree.  My cousin got married a few weeks ago instead of getting married in May -they'd hoped to have a large reception and when they realized it wasn't going to happen because of covid, they moved up the wedding to last week and sent notes to all the invited guests (including me) explaining why they did what they did  

I was pregnant when I got married.  No covid. I had an awesome wedding with 10 guests and lunch afterwards.  And a wedding cake.  The wedding ceremony is what matters- not the party celebrating the wedding --especially if there is a baby on the way. You can always have a big party later on.