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Hi, new here

Anyway, long story short, I met a nice girl over mutual friends. We talked, added her on Facebook, exchanged few messages, she was pretty talkative. So I asked for a date and she said yes. We went out for a drinks, had a nice talk, even did pretty extensive walk afterward. Kissed her cheek when she was about to go home and tried to kiss her but she put the distance there. Said that I am great but that she see me as friends and that we can continue to go out like this. Now I have pretty bad experience with "friendzone" variants and didnt wanted to end up there in this case. So said its not going to happen and that we can still hang out thorough friends but that I have no intentions to keep going out with her just as friends and that I need a girlfriend, not just a friend. So we hugged and went our way.

So, should I have pursued it more? Talked with a few friends over it, they all said that I maybe should. I am not a "pushy" person, meaning that I am not somebody who would push things beyond somebody comfort. We went out, it was all nice but she did said "no" at the end. She did went on a date knowing my intentions, even told me that if we couldnt go out that day(due to Covid restriction here) that she had alternative variant for us to go out anyway so at least she did think about it so she did give me at leastc some signs. Friends tell me that maybe I should have go out few times more, maybe things would change. But again, really am not somebody who would just go out with her "just because", and really would need to know that it does go at least somewhere. I said I would not pester her again but we really finished on good note so I dont think she would mind that much if I send few messages over. Maybe she did need just more time, who knows. So did I made mistake and should I maybe contact her again?

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Dude you are friend zoned. Let it go, move on. Your friends are just being nice with their advice. As soon as they say "lets be friends first"...it's a turn and burn.

Edited by smackie9
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2 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Said that I am great but that she see me as friends and that we can continue to go out like this.  So said its not going to happen and that we can still hang out thorough friends but that I have no intentions to keep going out with her just as friends and that I need a girlfriend, not just a friend. So we hugged and went our way.

 

Sorry this happened. Some dates, more often than not, are one-and done for any variety of reasons. You did the right thing telling her you didn't want to hang out as just friends.

Maybe next time, don't lunge in for a kiss (during Covid, especially) on the first meet.

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1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

Dude you are friend zoned. Let it go, move on. Your friends are just being nice with their advice. As soon as they say "lets be friends first"...it's a turn and burn.

True, hence why I did what I did. Friends are just friends, they just look out for me and wish best. Just wondering if maybe they are right because as I said, am not "pushy" type and maybe I should have been in this particular case. 

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. Some dates, more often than not, are one-and done for any variety of reasons. You did the right thing telling her you didn't want to hang out as just friends.

Maybe next time, don't lunge in for a kiss (during Covid, especially) on the first meet.

We are both fully vaccinated so risk was minimal there. 😆

I dunno, I am pretty straight-forward guy. You meet somebody, go out and see if you "click", if you do then kiss and thats it. You cant always abide to that but its good system. This one went pretty much great until last part. She is probably the nicest girl I met in a while. From what Ive gathered she didnt even have anyone in a while. Hence why I do wonder if I maybe made mistake with trying something right away and that I should have go out more with her and try later down the line. 

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16 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Just wondering if maybe they are right because as I said, am not "pushy" type and maybe I should have been in this particular case. 

If you're not the pushy type, then don't be pushy. Be who you are. You don't want to get stuck constantly pretending to be something or someone you're not, do you?

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2 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Said that I am great but that she see me as friends

This is your cue that she does not want you to pursue this. 

So, I think you are best to move along. 

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You can find someone to be attractive, but the chemistry just isn't there. If she felt chemistry but didn't like a kiss on the first date, she would have explained that. Instead, she said she wants to be friends, so the spark is missing for her.

If she was on the cusp and needed more time to figure out if she saw you as potential dating material, she wouldn't have brought up being friends.

No, do not message her again. You have enough friends, and like you said, your goal is to have a gf, so continue on that path and try with someone else.

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Pushy? No - never ever.  Now it's not pushy to ask someone out again or to text twice instead of once -that's still ok  - but if someone tells you she is not interested there's nothing to pursue.  And being pushy in that situation will convince her that she made the right decision to be direct with you about her intentions. You cannot be friends with her because you are very into her and wouldn't want to hear about who else she is dating and trying to date.  I'm sorry it did not work out.  Not everyone is going to be your match.

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I might have wanted to date a guy (who I believed that I might like) to get to know him better before he zoomed in to try to make out with me.

On date one? That could kill it for me. Not because I didn't find him physically attractive, but because his lousy judgment could be a real turn off.

Why not just relax and get to know a woman over t.i.m.e. before turning sexual?

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I think when someone says they just want to be friends, they're just not feeling a spark or attraction. Feelings can't be forced so I doubt anything would change even if you spent more time with her. Keep in mind too that many people say: "I just want to be friends" just because they feel guilty that they're rejecting you. They actually might not even want to be friends, but they're just trying to be polite. So really no offence but I think your chances with this girl both romantically and friendship wise were kind of slim. Also you are right, if you want a girlfriend then don't keep being in the friend zone. Don't bother with girls who are not into you. Keep looking for a girl who will want to date you. I'm sure she's out there!

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Don't push. Some are more allergic to pushy than others. Don't take the risk. Remain respectful and treat her as a friend only.

However, I think her comment is ridiculous. She should have just said that she doesn't see this going any further and you both don't have enough chemistry. Being "friends" with someone after the pretense of a date is a bit of a misnomer and a fake gesture to something else that no one is that interested in. If you wanted to be friends with her you wouldn't have asked her out. So no, leave her alone. 

 

 

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You seem like a really nice guy.  Telling a really nice guy after a great date that you just aren't feeling a romantic connection is not an easy thing to do.  Don't second guess that and think that there might still a possibility if you were to try a little harder.  The only thing that will come of that is you will likely lose her as a friend too.

 

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You sound super sweet! I am so sorry it didn’t click. I personally would never use the word “friend” to a guy I was attracted to. I’m very careful about that. I would also notice right away if he said friend about me. So I would think it is a friend zone situation, unfortunately. However, it sounds like it went decently well otherwise, no big disaster, so you clearly can find another girl no problem 🙂

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