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Serious girlfriend wants to see other men 'for fun'


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How should you feel? Feelings aren’t optional. If you’re good with her banging other guys and you want to hook up with other girls then go have fun. 

If you’re not ok with it then tell her it’s not going to happen on your watch. If she’s not agreeable then there’s only one solution. 

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Thank you all. I discussed this with her and was clear to her that in saying that if she was going to see other men, I will have to break up with her first. She didn't realize that it was going to seem like double dating, apparently. I think it's all good now but I'm having a lot of trouble trusting her again given that she had intentions of (naively) cheating on me. It'll take time to build.

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53 minutes ago, Kumar said:

She didn't realize that it was going to seem like double dating, apparently.

Kumar, you don't really believe she is this clueless, do you?

The fact that she even suggested this indicates that she has checked out of your relationship. I personally would not continue dating someone who had the gall to approach me with such a ridiculous request, because it would tell me that we don't feel the same way about each other at all anymore. 

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18 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Kumar, you don't really believe she is this clueless, do you?

The fact that she even suggested this indicates that she has checked out of your relationship. I personally would not continue dating someone who had the gall to approach me with such a ridiculous request, because it would tell me that we don't feel the same way about each other at all anymore. 

I agree with this. On the one hand, the fact she came to you at all means she DOES recognise that it could lead to serious issues if she acts on her wishes without at least bringing the matter up with you. She’s trying to mitigate the risks preemptively, which exactly shows she is aware of what she is doing. And on the other hand, she is demonstrating that her interest lies more in what she wants to be doing rather than her focus being with you and the relationship.

She tested the waters and when you gave an unfavourable response she acted dumb. Very sneaky of her.

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6 hours ago, Kumar said:

Thank you all. I discussed this with her and was clear to her that in saying that if she was going to see other men, I will have to break up with her first. She didn't realize that it was going to seem like double dating, apparently. I think it's all good now but I'm having a lot of trouble trusting her again given that she had intentions of (naively) cheating on me. It'll take time to build.

She wasn't going to cheat.  She was asking if she could date others -not behind your back - if you agreed of course that wouldn't be cheating.  But cats out of the bag and now you know she's thinking the grass might be greener, or at least more fun.  Listen to the old Carly Simon song "we have no secrets"

I also wouldn't trust her for being dishonest with you about being "naive".  Please.

Edited by Batya33
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9 hours ago, Kumar said:

Thank you all. I discussed this with her and was clear to her that in saying that if she was going to see other men, I will have to break up with her first. She didn't realize that it was going to seem like double dating, apparently. I think it's all good now but I'm having a lot of trouble trusting her again given that she had intentions of (naively) cheating on me. It'll take time to build.

She is playing you for a fool. 

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9 hours ago, Kumar said:

Thank you all. I discussed this with her and was clear to her that in saying that if she was going to see other men, I will have to break up with her first. She didn't realize that it was going to seem like double dating, apparently. I think it's all good now but I'm having a lot of trouble trusting her again given that she had intentions of (naively) cheating on me. It'll take time to build.

Is there something preventing you from ending the relationship?

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Posted (edited)

Thanks for the caveats. The thought of being fooled had already crossed my mind and I was clear in expressing this to her. However, we do like each other and are honest to each other. She's working on respecting me and our relationship more. I'll offer one more chance before I end it.

Edited by Kumar
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10 minutes ago, Kumar said:

She's working on respecting me and our relationship more. I'll offer one more chance before I end it.

This will likely give her ample opportunity to find better ways to cover her tracks.  

I think you're in denial which feels like a safe place, but it's very short lived.  It's time to think.

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6 minutes ago, HeartGoesOn said:

This will likely give her ample opportunity to find better ways to cover her tracks.  

I think you're in denial which feels like a safe place, but it's very short lived.  It's time to think.

I agree.   

Kumar, I think you will end up playing detective.  

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10 hours ago, Kumar said:

She didn't realize that it was going to seem like double dating, apparently. I think it's all good now but I'm having a lot of trouble trusting her again given that she had intentions of (naively) cheating on me.

How could she not realize? And she was not proposing"double dating". She was proposing seeing other men "for fun".  She knew exactly what she was proposing.

The only naive thing was that she expected you to be OK with her seeing other men. Come on now!

Why do you want to hang onto this relationship? Do you have reasons other than "but I LOVE her!" Or "we've been together X amount of time"?

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Are you going to experience other women at the same time?

This is just your "girlfriend" wanting to test drive other men.

Are you okay with her having sex with other men while in a serious relationship with you?

Lost

PS  Is her nickname for you Doormat?

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I agree with most of what others are saying here. The one other problem I have with this though is that this should have been addressed the minute she mentioned it with, “Go ahead but I won’t be here when you get back.” She has to know immediately, the minute she said it that you won’t put up with that and you’ll walk away without a second thought. She needs to know she’ll lose you.

The other thing is that if she was serious about wanting to see other guys initially, that kind of thought doesn’t just come out of the blue. She’s either been thinking about it for some time or she already has a bead on someone. Maybe both.

I know you’ve talked to her and mentioned giving her another chance but I think she needs to ask herself, if I stay, will I regret it later with what could have been. If so let her go otherwise face potential resentment later if she stays.

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OP, if she has curiosity over other men, that's a red flag that she is not satisfied with just you.

There is also a huge chance that her curiosities will never go away, and she will eventually cheat on you or leave you for the next good looking guy that smiles at her the right way.

As soon as she suggested seeing someone else, I would have dumped her and not looked back.

Raise your standards.

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