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Girlfriend Touble, any help!?


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Hi all!

I have been with my girlfriend for 2 and a half years, we've had ups and downs, but recently she keeps saying I dont compliment her enough and we speak different love languages.

We spend alot of time together every weekend, but if I arrange to see friends it causes drama of why that weekend I was going to plan something which makes no sense to me as how am I meant to know she is making a plan if she didnt tell me, she says we think differently? I cant read minds and I am my own person knowing we are in a relationship how can we think the same about every weekend?

Its been lock down so we have been meeting up and doing our normal routines so I dont seem the need to be complimenting each other all the time, rather enjoying the time we have and making the most out of it, were not getting dressed up or buying new clothes and I by no means say things to knock her confidence.

Anyone advice as I think im going crazy?

 

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Sorry to hear this. She's discontented. She's already reading things about incompatibilities and what she needs/wants vs what she has with you.

 It depends on if you want to hang on to this or not. She's tiptoeing out of the the relationship because she feels neglected and taken for granted. 

After 2.5 years you certainly know whether you are getting together weekends or  planning stuff with friends.

Nothing is that chaotic and conflicted unless you are trying to sabotage things because you feel too tied down. In that case just set each other free rather than limp along like this.

 Consider that she may be talking to someone because she's telling you you're not really invested.

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Talk about those things you're mentioning with her. These sound like small issues that can be figured out and misunderstandings avoided. 

Are there any other issues in the relationship? Has she always been insecure around you?

Edited by Rose Mosse
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6 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

Talk about those things you're mentioning with her. These sound like small issues that can be figured out and misunderstandings avoided. 

Are there any other issues in the relationship? Has she always been insecure around you?

Yes she's always been quite insecure and doesn't have many friends, so I think when I meet my friends she feels left out like I haven' thought of her and to be honest I meet up with friends for drinks maybe once every 6 weeks or something if that!

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16 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry to hear this. She's discontented. She's already reading things about incompatibilities and what she needs/wants vs what she has with you.

 It depends on if you want to hang on to this or not. She's tiptoeing out of the the relationship because she feels neglected and taken for granted. 

After 2.5 years you certainly know whether you are getting together weekends or  planning stuff with friends.

Nothing is that chaotic and conflicted unless you are trying to sabotage things because you feel too tied down. In that case just set each other free rather than limp along like this.

 Consider that she may be talking to someone because she's telling you you're not really invested.

Kind of weird to just leave the relationship over small things, everyone I know has troubles bigger than this. Not sure where you are coming from?

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Just now, Jamie said:

Yes she's always been quite insecure and doesn't have many friends, so I think when I meet my friends she feels left out like I haven' thought of her and to be honest I meet up with friends for drinks maybe once every 6 weeks or something if that!

Is she concerned about covid with you meeting up with friends for drinks? I'm looking for context. 

Also, does she have any issues with your friends in general or any friend specifically? 

Insecurity in a person cannot be fixed. It has a ripple effect in all interactions and is a product of other underlying issues. If you sense that she is a deeply insecure person, be prepared for constant problems but please do not take all of it on. Learn to walk away if you start to feel like a person's punching bag or a doormat.

Encourage her to make friends. Create boundaries with her and continue to meet your friends if you think it's reasonable given the context. Communicate better your plans for the weekend. 

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28 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

Is she concerned about covid with you meeting up with friends for drinks? I'm looking for context. 

Also, does she have any issues with your friends in general or any friend specifically? 

Insecurity in a person cannot be fixed. It has a ripple effect in all interactions and is a product of other underlying issues. If you sense that she is a deeply insecure person, be prepared for constant problems but please do not take all of it on. Learn to walk away if you start to feel like a person's punching bag or a doormat.

Encourage her to make friends. Create boundaries with her and continue to meet your friends if you think it's reasonable given the context. Communicate better your plans for the weekend. 

No concerns about covid just generally making plans and not being available I think.

 

No issues with my friends, just generalized insecurity at times.

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Lockdown is making people crave attention....for the love of god just comply instead of digging in your heels. Bring flowers, tell her she's beautiful,...as they say happy wife/GF, happy life. If you connect more emotionally, then there won't be so many "ups and downs." A stronger bond means more respect and consideration for the other...and of course communicate more...stop taking this relationship for granted. You have to put in effort to reap rewards.

Edited by smackie9
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Sounds a bit like the point you are missing is that while you are content just being with each other, she is not content with that at all and feels neglected. It doesn't matter if you don't agree or don't feel that way, you can't disagree her out of the way she feels.

What you can do is basically cheap - do actually compliment her, surprise with something she likes more regularly and don't get lazy with that stuff ever.

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2 hours ago, Jamie said:

Kind of weird to just leave the relationship over small things, everyone I know has troubles bigger than this. Not sure where you are coming from?

In a few mos. you'll hear the the breakup talk. You're simply no longer compatible. No, she doesn't need more friends. She's not insecure, she's unhappy. She's trying to fix things, but you think she's a problem, she's insecure , she's whatever. 

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4 hours ago, Jamie said:

We spend alot of time together every weekend, but if I arrange to see friends it causes drama of why that weekend I was going to plan something which makes no sense to me as how am I meant to know she is making a plan if she didnt tell me, she says we think differently?

Sounds like communication issue's.  But, you are allowed to still have a life- outside your relationship with her.

Re: diff love languages- is possible, as men tend to be more 'physical', showing affection, while women are more  'emotional', so, does she maybe mean you never tell her how pretty she looks.. or smells, etc? ( Or do you do this & she feels she wants it all the time?).

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If a lover ever told me that he would be happier with me if I'd only say nice things to him sometimes, would I waste that opportunity, instead, by defending my reasons for not complimenting him?

That makes no sense.

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