friend Is my boyfriends friend flirting with me?

[sarahhh456]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years now. We’ve been seeing his one friend more often now since he moved back to our town (I’ll call him “R”). My friends seem to think R flirts with me when we all hang out but I can’t tell if it’s flirting or not.
 

For starters, whenever I go to the bar he bartends at, he only charges me for 1 drink no matter how many I have. He also almost always makes me do shots with him. He has driven me back to my boyfriends and my apartment multiple times cause he didn’t want me to walk home drunk or didn’t trust my own friend to drive me back. The one time my friend and I walked home, the next time I saw R he gave me a huge lecture on why that wasn’t safe and he could’ve just driven me. When we’re with him, he teases me a lot. He does act a little differently around me when my boyfriend isn’t around, like he’ll tease me more often or he’ll harass me about the days he’s working at the bar that I don’t go. He told me the other day he loves when I go to that bar when he’s working. 

Over the weekend, some friends of mine wanted to go see him at the bar (he makes really good drinks and there’s not many places we like to go). My friends ended up wanting to go back to my apartment after and they invited R. He ended up driving me back and the whole way back he was just venting to me about his problems with his girlfriend. At my apartment, we were all drinking a lot and there was a few times R would lay his head on my lap when I sat down on the couch. I also noticed when I wasn’t around him, he would sometimes seem like he was just watching me. He also kept asking me to do shots with him and when we would, he would stand very close to me. My friends and R ended up spending the night since we had all drank a lot. R then all of a sudden was very drunk and kept telling me he thought my one friend was cute. He wanted to sleep next to her and I basically wouldn’t let him 1. Because he has a girlfriend of his own and 2. Because my friend didn’t feel comfortable with that so she asked me to sleep next to her on the couch so he wouldn’t. We all fell asleep on my couch (my boyfriend was asleep in bed the whole time) and my friends fell asleep first. R kept putting his head close to me and he got so close at one point I thought he was gonna kiss me. He just kept drunkenly looking at me and saying “stop it” to me but whenever I asked stop what he wouldn’t tell me. He ended up falling asleep and leaving the next morning around 9am.

Does he seem like he’s flirting with me? Or are my friends over reacting? I can’t really tell what it is or if it’s something I should be making my boyfriend aware of. 

 

[Rose Mosse]

Let it be and don't look for drama. It's not worth it. He sounds disrespectful to his girlfriend and that would be enough for me to avoid him completely. 

 

[SooSad33]

2 hours ago, sarahhh456 said:

he only charges me for 1 drink no matter how many I have. He also almost always makes me do shots with him. He has driven me back to my boyfriends and my apartment multiple times cause he didn’t want me to walk home drunk or didn’t trust my own friend to drive me back.

First off.. why are YOU out doing all of that?  Having numerous drinks (free- so HE is taking advantage of his job!)

And, where is your bf in all of this?

 

2 hours ago, sarahhh456 said:

we were all drinking a lot and there was a few times R would lay his head on my lap when I sat down on the couch. I also noticed when I wasn’t around him, he would sometimes seem like he was just watching me. He also kept asking me to do shots with him and when we would, he would stand very close to me

IMO, all of this and then some shows he's a little off and IS disrespectful to you & your bf.

I suggest you stay away from him more than hang with him.  He is involved, as are you. So, how about settling this all down. ( Isn't this you bf's buddy?).  I'd expect your bf to hang more with his friend, than you..

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

And, where is your bf in all of this?

I was wondering the same thing. If your friends are all noticing this guy's behaviour, why isn't your boyfriend? 

For what it's worth, he seems to be flirting with you but also trying to push the boundaries with your friends. He wanted to sleep next to her, yet he has a girlfriend? OP, this dude is sketchy. 

But I have to wonder, are you enjoying his attention? Do you have a bit of a crush on him yourself? 

[Tinydance]

Well I also think you're acting inappropriate. You have a boyfriend and R had a girlfriend. I don't think you should keep going to the bar and hanging out with him and doing shots with him on your own. You shouldn't be letting him drive you home so much and be alone with him in the car. He's your boyfriend's friend so why are you alone with him so much? You're acting inappropriate. If he is flirting with you, that's because you actually encourage him. Whether that's because you actually secretly like him a bit too, or you have poor boundaries. You didn't let him sleep next to your friend because he has a girlfriend, so why is him having a girlfriend not stopping you from doing all that stuff?

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, sarahhh456 said:

 Does he seem like he’s flirting with me? 

No. He's not flirting, you are. You deliberately seek him out, get wasted and hang out there way too much.

What's going on with your BF? Are you bored? Why are you out drinking and coming on to his friend?

Reconsider drinking and getting this wasted. This guy can't always chauffeur you around. 

He's doing it as a favor to his friend. But sooner or later, you'll have to figure out why you need to get this wasted and flirt with bartenders.

Drunk women are a sloppy mess, no one finds that attractive. 

[Lambert]

you're both kinda doing this little game.  you're playing innocent but making it happen, too.

Maybe you like the attention and drama. Focus more on your actual boyfriend and relationship 

 

[sarahhh456]

Drunk men are no better than drunk women ☺️ I was just asking for opinions on the situation - do not worry what I do or where I go in my spare time or how I handle the situation, it’s being handled currently. Thanks for all the opinions 👍🏻

[Andrina]

If I thought my partner's friend was flirting with me, I certainly wouldn't let him lay his head on my lap and would stop frequenting his workplace.

It's always up to you to set boundaries with other people. If they say things or do things that isn't conducive to your primary relationship, or behave in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, you shut them down. You can be mellow and nice when telling them to remove their head from your lap, or that it's best they vent about their girlfriend with someone else. If they don't stop, you can be more firm.

And be real with yourself if you enjoy the attention and ego boost. That might be the case, but it's not healthy for you and your bf's relationship. If you wouldn't want him welcoming flirtatious behavior from another woman, then behave in a way you would hope he would behave in a similar situation.

[smackie9]

yes he is. I suggest you go hang out at a different establishment.

Just because he's good friends with your BF doesn't mean he's a good person or he should be trusted.

Always trust what your friends are telling you....they can see that he is, prob just the way he looks at you when you are not looking at him.

[Tinydance]

9 hours ago, sarahhh456 said:

Drunk men are no better than drunk women ☺️ I was just asking for opinions on the situation - do not worry what I do or where I go in my spare time or how I handle the situation, it’s being handled currently. Thanks for all the opinions 👍🏻

We are not worried what you do but you are the one posting here asking if your boyfriend's friend is flirting with you. Yes, he probably is, but you are also flirting with him and acting inappropriately. You are encouraging him. Sorry you didn't like that we picked up on that.

[MissCanuck]

6 hours ago, Tinydance said:

you are also flirting with him and acting inappropriately. You are encouraging him.

This is the problem right here, OP.

You are not drawing appropriate boundaries. 

[Wiseman2]

20 hours ago, sarahhh456 said:

Drunk men are no better than drunk women ☺️  👍🏻

Agree. But why frequent bars and this bar in particular? 

Why are you hanging out in bars rather than dating your BF? 

Is your relationship with him that boring/ deteriorated?

[Jibralta]

On 4/12/2021 at 10:18 PM, sarahhh456 said:

Does he seem like he’s flirting with me? Or are my friends over reacting? I can’t really tell what it is or if it’s something I should be making my boyfriend aware of. 

You've been given a chance to evaluate your own behavior.

Most cheaters "end up" in affairs that "just happen."

But the real situation is that they refused to acknowledge that they were flirting so that they could continue to flirt.

Then all of a sudden they cheat and say, "Oh no. It just happened."