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Why would she say this? and what should i say to understand her


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My gf and me just broke up because it didn't work out (she broke up with me) and she texted again after and said that she loves me and it is also hard for her to leave me and doesn't want to lose me.

in the text she also said that we should just take time apart of eachother and when we both are better she wants to get back together, to start from 0

 

And i don't know what to say i'm confused why she is saying this. she broke up with me because she didn't want it anymore and now she says this

Edited by kevinV2
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She sounds like she's all over the map and doesn't know which direction to go in.  If it were me, I would let her walk away and find someone who has it all together.  If you don't want a crazy back-and-forth relationship which is going to mess with your head, I would advise you let her go.  She made her choice.  Now you make yours.  Go NC.

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Posted (edited)
9 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

She sounds like she's all over the map and doesn't know which direction to go in.  If it were me, I would let her walk away and find someone who has it all together.  If you don't want a crazy back-and-forth relationship which is going to mess with your head, I would advise you let her go.  She made her choice.  Now you make yours.  Go NC.

I asked her why she is saying 2 different things and she says she doesn't want the relationship that didn't went well. What should I do now? like i really don't know what to say back

Edited by kevinV2
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10 minutes ago, kevinV2 said:

I asked her why she is saying 2 different things and she says she doesn't want the relationship that didn't went well. What should I do now? like i really don't know what to say back

You say nothing!  She made it clear she doesn't want to be in the relationship, so there's nothing more to be said.  You send her on her merry way and you go in the opposite direction and move on. It's over.  Her choice.  Nothing more to be said. Let it go.

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35 minutes ago, kevinV2 said:

I asked her why she is saying 2 different things and she says she doesn't want the relationship that didn't went well. What should I do now?

How did it not go well? 

How old are you two?

How long together?

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Ok. She's only 20 and you've only dated 24 weeks. 

In that time you claimed she "cheated" because she sent a flirty text. You started hounding, controlling her and insisted on policing her phone. 

Then you claimed she wasn't "working hard enough" to regain your trust.

Most likely she talked to trusted adults, friends and family about your behaviors and they advised her to end it. 

Your behaviors are red flags for controlling,  possessive bad situations.

You need to leave her alone. Reflect on what your excessive jealousy is all about and where your insecurities come from.

Take time off from dating until you get your abusive tendencies under control.

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On 4/11/2021 at 7:45 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Ok. She's only 20 and you've only dated 24 weeks. 

In that time you claimed she "cheated" because she sent a flirty text. You started hounding, controlling her and insisted on policing her phone. 

Then you claimed she wasn't "working hard enough" to regain your trust.

Most likely she talked to trusted adults, friends and family about your behaviors and they advised her to end it. 

Your behaviors are red flags for controlling,  possessive bad situations.

You need to leave her alone. Reflect on what your excessive jealousy is all about and where your insecurities come from.

Take time off from dating until you get your abusive tendencies under control.

By flirting text i mean they wanted to hang out in his house and flirty text she sends "im really touchy" " don't worry i will make you comfortabel"

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6 minutes ago, kevinV2 said:

By flirting text i mean they wanted to hang out in his house and flirty text she sends "im really touchy" " don't worry i will make you comfortabel"

Don't ever consider taking her back. 

If she was sending messages like this to other guys when she's supposed to be your girlfriend, she was not into you the way you were into her. 

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3 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Don't ever consider taking her back. 

If she was sending messages like this to other guys when she's supposed to be your girlfriend, she was not into you the way you were into her. 

We are still talking, I know it sounds stupid and not logic but i still love her. This won't make any difference tho but she didn't meet him. I know that she doesn't deserve me because cheating is the worse thing you could do but I don't know i just can't stop my feelings for her. We are still broken up but i agreed to that we should take time apart and try in the future if the feelings are still there. I sometimes have the urge to text her and i did too, unnecessary convos, i hate myself for still caring so much and showing it too by texting her. Recently I asked why she needed time apart because i never had the answer to that and she said because i hate myself i assume that it is because of what she did and other stuff.

I really do try my best to forget things and not repeatedtly checking in on her, but it's just so hard. Any tips? it's covid and I really can't get out of house. 

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Honestly, the best thing you can do is remove yourself from this situation.  Draw a hard line-- she broke up with you.  The end.  Don't accept this wishy washy crap.  

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when we both are better she wants to get back together, to start from 0

 

Think carefully about what this means to you. Usually when a person says this they are operating on insecurity and fear. 

What she's really saying is that she wants complete forgiveness from you and a chance to reconcile later but needs you to hang on (possibly, maybe, pretty please) and put your life on hold because she's too afraid to release you completely to live your life well. 

Think about what that means and how it impacts your daily life, your future or even your goals and decisions you make for yourself in the short and long term. Would it affect where you go to school for university or college? Would it affect any job offers or opportunities in other places? Would it limit you in the way you live or travel? 

Every decision you make in your close relationships or intimate relationships will shape you, limit you, grow you. This is not only about what she wants or what you feel. Think way beyond this. 

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