Hereforhelp Posted April 11, 2021 Author Share Posted April 11, 2021 1 hour ago, LotusBlack said: Life is too short to be with someone who isn’t sure about you. Both parties need to put in the same amount of effort for the relationship, otherwise it leads to one feeling under appreciated and the other feeling suffocated (not that you’re suffocating her at all, but she’s so indecisive and that lack of intention and clarity will only create a bigger wedge between you over time.) That’s what has been happening a wedge between us. I’m trying to close the gap between us before it’s to late and question myself if I didn’t do enough or didn’t fight for her. I’m smothering her by doing it I need to back of and let it be. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted April 11, 2021 Share Posted April 11, 2021 Very unhealthy dynamic with the parents. You shouldn't have to fight for a one-sided relationship. Only follow one's actions! Link to comment
Hereforhelp Posted April 11, 2021 Author Share Posted April 11, 2021 11 minutes ago, Hollyj said: Very unhealthy dynamic with the parents. You shouldn't have to fight for a one-sided relationship. Only follow one's actions! 👏👍 Link to comment
LotusBlack Posted April 12, 2021 Share Posted April 12, 2021 2 hours ago, Hereforhelp said: That’s what has been happening a wedge between us. I’m trying to close the gap between us before it’s to late and question myself if I didn’t do enough or didn’t fight for her. I’m smothering her by doing it I need to back of and let it be. I don’t think you’re smothering her at all. I think you’re being quite reasonable in your expectations of her within the relationship. She isn’t emotionally mature enough to be her own self confidently, and as long as she cannot support the needs of the relationship, you’re both only going to feel more unhappy, unsatisfied, and stuck. It’s not you who should be fighting for the relationship/her, it’s her that should be fighting for you. Link to comment
Lambert Posted April 12, 2021 Share Posted April 12, 2021 I think you can see, from her actions, that her family is her priority, not your relationship. She is trying to keep you both happy. Unless you are going to make amends with her family, I think you are better off ending this relationship. I understand where you are coming from and the reasons you were arguing with her family. But it's not your place. You are not her husband. She is not standing with you against the family. She is playing both sides because she love both of you. Which is her choice. But what is best for you? If you were her husband, would she choose you over her family? These are important decisions that you have to make based on what is. Not what is right. Link to comment
Hereforhelp Posted April 13, 2021 Author Share Posted April 13, 2021 23 hours ago, Lambert said: I think you can see, from her actions, that her family is her priority, not your relationship. She is trying to keep you both happy. Unless you are going to make amends with her family, I think you are better off ending this relationship. I understand where you are coming from and the reasons you were arguing with her family. But it's not your place. You are not her husband. She is not standing with you against the family. She is playing both sides because she love both of you. Which is her choice. But what is best for you? If you were her husband, would she choose you over her family? These are important decisions that you have to make based on what is. Not what is right. Thank you for your advice Link to comment
Hereforhelp Posted April 13, 2021 Author Share Posted April 13, 2021 On 4/11/2021 at 8:18 PM, LotusBlack said: I don’t think you’re smothering her at all. I think you’re being quite reasonable in your expectations of her within the relationship. She isn’t emotionally mature enough to be her own self confidently, and as long as she cannot support the needs of the relationship, you’re both only going to feel more unhappy, unsatisfied, and stuck. It’s not you who should be fighting for the relationship/her, it’s her that should be fighting for you. Thank you for your advice Link to comment
Hereforhelp Posted April 13, 2021 Author Share Posted April 13, 2021 On 4/11/2021 at 5:33 PM, Hollyj said: Very unhealthy dynamic with the parents. You shouldn't have to fight for a one-sided relationship. Only follow one's actions! Thank you for your advice Link to comment
Hereforhelp Posted April 13, 2021 Author Share Posted April 13, 2021 On 4/10/2021 at 3:05 PM, Wiseman2 said: Is there a cultural, religious, age or other difference? How is it after 2 years you never met her parents? Is this a distance relationship? Is she scheduled for an arranged marriage? Thank you for your advice Link to comment
Hereforhelp Posted April 13, 2021 Author Share Posted April 13, 2021 On 4/10/2021 at 10:36 PM, Capricorn3 said: You're right, she needs to make up her mind. She either continues to do what her parents want, or she tells them that she's going to be with you. She can't expect you to keep hanging around like a dirty secret - totally disrespectful to you. Time for "the talk". Lay your cards on the table, say what you mean, and mean what you say. It's either them, or you. Thank you for your advice Link to comment
Hereforhelp Posted April 13, 2021 Author Share Posted April 13, 2021 On 4/11/2021 at 1:48 AM, Rose Mosse said: It's not a good idea pitting yourself against any family relatives. The greater the tension, the less and less being together becomes a reality. Unfortunately, this isn't the movies. You're learning the hard way that dating someone should come with some autonomy and though those relationships are interconnected, balance is needed. She isn't able to balance a romantic relationship with her other relationships so she's likely not a good option for any sort of lasting relationship. What else do you know about her? Is she studying or going to school? Is she saving up for something else? Are her parents both healthy? Is this long distance or do you live locally to each other? Thank you for your advice Link to comment
Hereforhelp Posted April 13, 2021 Author Share Posted April 13, 2021 On 4/11/2021 at 4:28 PM, smackie9 said: The right solution is to break it off with her.....maybe down the road she will appreciate you and go forward with a future with you...if not you are best be moving on and not waste your life "waiting" for her to make up her mind. Thank you for your advice Link to comment
gamon Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 OMG just click the heart icon to the lower right of the post you want to thank! Link to comment
Hereforhelp Posted April 13, 2021 Author Share Posted April 13, 2021 1 minute ago, gamon said: OMG just click the heart icon to the lower right of the post you want to thank! Sorry I have never started a thread Link to comment
gamon Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 When I got the notification that you quoted me my first thought was that you thanked me for the advice. Link to comment
Hereforhelp Posted April 13, 2021 Author Share Posted April 13, 2021 1 hour ago, Hollyj said: What are you going to do? I’m going to let her be so she can focus on herself. If we both want to try it later on and the feelings are still there well give it a shot. Link to comment
Hereforhelp Posted April 13, 2021 Author Share Posted April 13, 2021 2 hours ago, gamon said: When I got the notification that you quoted me my first thought was that you thanked me for the advice. -_- I’m not that annoying -_- Link to comment
gamon Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 8 minutes ago, Hereforhelp said: -_- I’m not that annoying -_- Thank you for that answer. Link to comment
Hereforhelp Posted April 13, 2021 Author Share Posted April 13, 2021 5 hours ago, gamon said: Thank you for that answer. Smart ass Link to comment
gamon Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 3 hours ago, Hereforhelp said: Smart ass Thanks for bringing a smile to my face. This week hasn't been an easy one for me either. I hope yours gets better. Link to comment
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