My stepdad is strict and won't let me do anything

[Travisloc]

Even before the pandemic started my stepdad has always been an a-hole. From not letting me hangout with friends in over a year to taking my phone away simply because i forgot to take the trash out. Its always some ridiculous excuse to not letting me do certain things. Other Examples are like me getting in trouble for eating to fast. Like who the hell does that. I literally have to time myself everytime i eat so i dont get in trouble. And its not just me my sister a year younger than i (keep in mind im 17 going on 18 in a couple of days.) also has to deal with his bs ways. For example if either one of us want seconds he gives us a hard time because "we only eat seconds of certain dishes" And on top of it condemns my sister because of her weight even though she really isn't that big. Its the things like these and more that make me want to retaliate and do something like run away. But ultimately it would do nothing but make my situation worse. But i think what ticks me off the most is that i haven't seen none of my friends in over a year. His reason being because of covid but that's complet bs because we have people come over to my house to celebrate holidays and birthdays. If he cared so much about getting covid he wouldn't have people over at all. Its honestly just a control tactic to make sure i cant do anything at all except stay home where i can be monitored at all times. And with graduation coming up and people hosting private events like prom i doubt i can even celebrate and enjoy the time i should have with my friends. I just want to what peoples opinions are on this. 

[rchubn]

1. We're in a global pandemic. It is his job to as the father to provide and keep the family safe. 

If he's saying "no" to friends its probably because he's trying to keep the family alive and safe. You shouldnt be hanging around ANYONE right now. If you're almost 18 it would be a good idea to learn that adults do things they don't want to do (for self preservation) every single day. That is life. Is hanging out with friends (risking the families health) actually WORTH it? I'm 22 and I haven't seen my friends in over a year because I need to stay healthy for work. EVERYONE is upset. EVERYONE is making sacrifices. Myself and some school colleagues just finished 7 years of higher education and we didn't even get a graduation. Life is unfair. You grow up and move on. I'm not sure why you feel you'd be exempt from having to do your part for the pandemic (stay home/isolate) but everyone has to. 

 

2. There are people taking LARGE financial hits right now. There are people struggling to feed their families. Your father saying "no" to second helpings could be him trying to stretch the family resources. If you have an issue with this, you can get a part time job and offer to supplement your portion of the groceries. If your dietary needs aren't being met youre old enough to do something about that: Get a job. Buy all the extra food you want. 

 

3. LASTLY... You've attempted to paint your step father in a bad light on purpose. But him telling your sister she's fat is the ONLY REAL inappropriate thing you've claimed he's done. You need to speak to your mother about this. 

[Batya33]

What is your mother's reaction?

[rchubn]

This is not a "ohhh my parents are so mean they never let me go out" kind of situation. We're in a global pandemic. People are losing their jobs, going through major mental health issues and theyre even dying.... this is serious. This is not a game. You need to grow up and join your father/help him keep the family safe by doing your part (staying home/making those sacrifices). Families are in survival mode right now... You cannot be selfish about this, you need to look at the bigger picture and keep the peace in your household and be grateful that you're able to be with your family, ive had friends that got stuck abroad for months. This is serious.

Your friends are most likely worrying about their families. You are not missing out on anything. There is nothing for you to do and no one for you to see. Everyone should be working on their own lives right now. 

 

 

[rchubn]

Also... its clear you dislike living in that house. You're turning 18. You can move out on your own or find roommates you can "hang out" and risk your health with. Its clear your father said he's not allowing you to risk the whole household over "hanging out" with friends. (As he should) if he's taking care of the family, trying to get you guys out of this pandemic situation isn't unfair for him to have to worry about you bringing the virus into the home? 

 

If he's counting food...doesn't this suggest that maybe the family is suffering financially? 

[Hollyj]

21 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

What is your mother's reaction?

That is what I was wondering.

[Seraphim]

There is always moving out and paying for your own life. Your parents are not obligated to do one thing for you past the age of 18. 

[greendots]

You mentioned he's been like that even before the pandemic. Yikes! Living with someone so difficult doesn't sound easy. So here is my honest suggestion:

Device a realistic plan and act on it - for example, get a job to save money and meanwhile apply to a college / university far away from home. The idea is for you to be able to leave home as soon as possible after you graduate.

Does your mum have a say in all of this? What's her opinion? I'd like to know as well.

 

[indea08]

I think you should start with talking to your mom and letting her know how you feel. Is she the kind of parent that will hear you out and respect your feelings? 

Has your step father been in your life for long? Do you regard him as a father figure?

If your mom isn’t the kind you feel you can talk to, I’d suggest getting a plan together to set yourself up to move out as soon as you can. I can imagine how lonely and isolated you must feel. Hopefully you at least have a good friend in your sister. I wouldn’t advise sneaking out, as you mentioned..but I don’t see the harm in inviting friends over to hang out outside while he’s not home. Especially with your mom’s support.

I know you can’t make up lost memories, but I hope you don’t forget that this part of your life is temporary. You will soon be an adult and free to make your own choices. If you want it bad enough, you’ll find a way to make it happen. Just don’t give up until you’re successful. 

[melancholy123]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

What is your mother's reaction?

Yes, where is your mother in all of this?  He sounds way over the top but covid is real and keeping you and your sister safe is important but he's a hypocrite if he has friends over but you cant.   Dont run away, that solves nothing.  After grad, are you heading off to college or uni?

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm with the others as to, where is your mother?

[Wiseman2]

Talk to your father or other trusted relatives and adults about the abuse.

It sounds like your mother is one of those who'll let her partner abuse her kids just so she can hang onto a man.

Tell any trusted adults about what's happening. Especially teachers.

Ask to go to a doctor for a check up and frankly discuss the same food and verbal abuse.

Don't bother complaining about phones, chores or seeing friends. Discuss the abuse. 

 

[catfeeder]

What's your custody arrangement between your parents, and what do they have to say about this?

[Travisloc]

On 4/9/2021 at 3:38 PM, rchubn said:

1. We're in a global pandemic. It is his job to as the father to provide and keep the family safe. 

If he's saying "no" to friends its probably because he's trying to keep the family alive and safe. You shouldnt be hanging around ANYONE right now. If you're almost 18 it would be a good idea to learn that adults do things they don't want to do (for self preservation) every single day. That is life. Is hanging out with friends (risking the families health) actually WORTH it? I'm 22 and I haven't seen my friends in over a year because I need to stay healthy for work. EVERYONE is upset. EVERYONE is making sacrifices. Myself and some school colleagues just finished 7 years of higher education and we didn't even get a graduation. Life is unfair. You grow up and move on. I'm not sure why you feel you'd be exempt from having to do your part for the pandemic (stay home/isolate) but everyone has to. 

 

2. There are people taking LARGE financial hits right now. There are people struggling to feed their families. Your father saying "no" to second helpings could be him trying to stretch the family resources. If you have an issue with this, you can get a part time job and offer to supplement your portion of the groceries. If your dietary needs aren't being met youre old enough to do something about that: Get a job. Buy all the extra food you want. 

 

3. LASTLY... You've attempted to paint your step father in a bad light on purpose. But him telling your sister she's fat is the ONLY REAL inappropriate thing you've claimed he's done. You need to speak to your mother about this. 

apparently you didn't read the part about my family still associating with other people like having them over for birthdays. So really it has nothing to do with covid just control that's all. Another thing is he does not work hasn't worked for years so he isn't providing for the family at all just my mom. Thirdly my family isn't struggling financially my mom works as a nurse so we haven't faced any problems with affording food. And on a final note i dont paint my stepdad as a bad person... he is i'm not the only one in my family who thinks hes ridiculous 

[Travisloc]

On 4/9/2021 at 3:46 PM, rchubn said:

This is not a "ohhh my parents are so mean they never let me go out" kind of situation. We're in a global pandemic. People are losing their jobs, going through major mental health issues and theyre even dying.... this is serious. This is not a game. You need to grow up and join your father/help him keep the family safe by doing your part (staying home/making those sacrifices). Families are in survival mode right now... You cannot be selfish about this, you need to look at the bigger picture and keep the peace in your household and be grateful that you're able to be with your family, ive had friends that got stuck abroad for months. This is serious.

Your friends are most likely worrying about their families. You are not missing out on anything. There is nothing for you to do and no one for you to see. Everyone should be working on their own lives right now. 

 

 

Did you read the first part where i said he did this before the pandemic? And i honestly don't care to go into the covid subject

[Travisloc]

On 4/9/2021 at 3:52 PM, rchubn said:

Also... its clear you dislike living in that house. You're turning 18. You can move out on your own or find roommates you can "hang out" and risk your health with. Its clear your father said he's not allowing you to risk the whole household over "hanging out" with friends. (As he should) if he's taking care of the family, trying to get you guys out of this pandemic situation isn't unfair for him to have to worry about you bringing the virus into the home? 

 

If he's counting food...doesn't this suggest that maybe the family is suffering financially? 

My family isnt suffering finacially and he doesnt work and hasnt worked in years.My mother is the one who provides. Its a simple matter of control with the food

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, Travisloc said:

My family isnt suffering finacially and he doesnt work and hasnt worked in years.My mother is the one who provides. Its a simple matter of control with the food

So what does your mom say on the food subject? Can you get and prepare your own food and eat in another room?

[Travisloc]

On 4/9/2021 at 4:28 PM, greendots said:

You mentioned he's been like that even before the pandemic. Yikes! Living with someone so difficult doesn't sound easy. So here is my honest suggestion:

Device a realistic plan and act on it - for example, get a job to save money and meanwhile apply to a college / university far away from home. The idea is for you to be able to leave home as soon as possible after you graduate.

Does your mum have a say in all of this? What's her opinion? I'd like to know as well.

 

I plan on joining the military and moving out as soon as possible. My mom just goes along with it because if she says anything it just makes my situation worse and its like a never ending cycle 

[Travisloc]

4 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

So what does your mom say on the food subject? Can you get and prepare your own food and eat in another room?

No i cannot serve my own food. I have to be served like im still a child because somehow he "always gets cheated out of the food proportion" My mom gets mad and tells him it ridiculous but in the end he always wins. 

[Seraphim]

Do you know which branch and trade you want to go into? Are you in contact with a recruiting office ? 

[Travisloc]

On 4/9/2021 at 4:39 PM, indea08 said:

I think you should start with talking to your mom and letting her know how you feel. Is she the kind of parent that will hear you out and respect your feelings? 

Has your step father been in your life for long? Do you regard him as a father figure?

If your mom isn’t the kind you feel you can talk to, I’d suggest getting a plan together to set yourself up to move out as soon as you can. I can imagine how lonely and isolated you must feel. Hopefully you at least have a good friend in your sister. I wouldn’t advise sneaking out, as you mentioned..but I don’t see the harm in inviting friends over to hang out outside while he’s not home. Especially with your mom’s support.

I know you can’t make up lost memories, but I hope you don’t forget that this part of your life is temporary. You will soon be an adult and free to make your own choices. If you want it bad enough, you’ll find a way to make it happen. Just don’t give up until you’re successful. 

When i do to reach out to her she always explains to my stepdad that hes to harsh but he just gets mad both at her and myself and things continue to be the way they are. As for how long hes been in my life thats been since the age of 3 up until now. I dont regard him as a father figure since all he worrys about is criticizing me on what i do in every aspect of my life. He has another son from a past relationship but since he had only certain visitation rights it was not too good. So i see him as being bitter that he wasn't able to raise his own biological son so he does to me what he would've done to his son. (And on a side note he is always home.) And yes i do plan to move out as soon as possible hopefully join the military. 

[Travisloc]

On 4/9/2021 at 5:37 PM, melancholy123 said:

Yes, where is your mother in all of this?  He sounds way over the top but covid is real and keeping you and your sister safe is important but he's a hypocrite if he has friends over but you cant.   Dont run away, that solves nothing.  After grad, are you heading off to college or uni?

My mom doent have much say whatsoever. She doesn't want to argue with him when it will ultimately get her nowhere. And after i graduate i plan on joining the military 

[Travisloc]

On 4/10/2021 at 3:18 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Talk to your father or other trusted relatives and adults about the abuse.

It sounds like your mother is one of those who'll let her partner abuse her kids just so she can hang onto a man.

Tell any trusted adults about what's happening. Especially teachers.

Ask to go to a doctor for a check up and frankly discuss the same food and verbal abuse.

Don't bother complaining about phones, chores or seeing friends. Discuss the abuse. 

 

Thats the thing people in family know about the things he does and obviously they have to keep their mouth shut because "they arent the parents". And i honestly have no idea why she puts up with it. 

[Travisloc]

29 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Do you know which branch and trade you want to go into? Are you in contact with a recruiting office ? 

Im looking into the airforce and i havent contacted a recruiter yet because my school says to not reach out till june 20th for some reason. And im unsure of what trade i want to do

[Wiseman2]

39 minutes ago, Travisloc said:

I plan on joining the military and moving out as soon as possible.

Excellent. Tell your father about how he's abusing your mother and sister.