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Need help with initial contact


tommy2221
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I'm sure this has probably been posted before but there's this girl that I saw on instagram who's from the same background and religion as me who I want to start talking to and maybe move into something. I'm hesitant in messaging her cause probably ever other guy has done the same so I'm scared of just saying hi and getting no response cause that is kinda boring. 

I'm thinking of saying "hey bareeduu" (which means beautiful in our language) or saying "I'm finally here, sorry I took so long" in which she might say what are you talking about and I'll say "I'm here to change your life" kinda cringe, I know hahaha (most likely wont say that). But if anyone has any advice or anything I could say, I'm open to any suggestions. 

Thanks in advance!

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I may have come up with something. She has a line about french fries in her bio so i was thinking of messaging her "Did you know that the first ever French Fry wasn’t cooked in France? It was cooked in Greece". how does that sound?

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so in her bio, she has french fries hold the french. i was thinking of following her and saying "i hope you havent heard this before but do you know where french fries were first made?" " they were made in greece".

23 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

cheeky

id rather come off as cheeky than be straight up serious. would this be a good opening line? its asking a question and come off as a bit playful

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You're not going to stand out with some lame fact about fries. I'd be earthy and just say how you loved how her personality came through in her writing, (humorous, down-to-earth, or whatever you saw in her words about herself that attracted your attention). Say something about how your religion and background aligns with hers, and tell her some interesting things about yourself. 

She knows you think she's beautiful, otherwise you wouldn't be sending her a note. Calling women this before you've even had a date makes you sound like a player, and that it slips off your tongue too easily, like you're well practiced.

Just putting effort into a note specifically detailing her profile and wanting her to know who you are, shows her that you're not haphazardly zinging out Hey Beautiful, etc. to a million other women. Showcase your own personality and don't try to be someone else in your writing. If that's not good enough for this woman, then your fate lies with someone else who appreciates YOU, and not a cheeky player-version of yourself. 

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47 minutes ago, Andrina said:

You're not going to stand out with some lame fact about fries. I'd be earthy and just say how you loved how her personality came through in her writing, (humorous, down-to-earth, or whatever you saw in her words about herself that attracted your attention). Say something about how your religion and background aligns with hers, and tell her some interesting things about yourself. 

Yeah, I see where you're trying to go with that, OP, but it doesn't really work well as an opening line with a complete stranger. 

And neither does "Hi beautiful" - definitely not that. It just comes across as sleazy and she'll probably ignore it. I certainly ignored those kinds of messages when they happened to land in my inbox. 

Follow Andrina's advice and just introduce yourself briefly and pleasantly, and see where the conversation goes. 

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Hey guys. so ive told my sisters and cousins about her and turns out, they dont know her as well so meeting through a mutual person is unlikely. ive thought of messaging her cousin which she has posted of them two together and getting to know him and then getting introduced to her through him. thats option 1 and option 2 is just messaging her. ive come up with this, let me know if it can be improved in anyway.

"Hey. I know this is really random and I really didn’t want to message you online, would’ve much rather talked to you in person but I don’t think ive ever seen you, even though we’re both (same ethnicity) and live in the same city 😭 Im interested in getting to know you so, if its okay with you, would you be open to it? ☺️"

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My favorite opener has been “Hi _____ (name), finally someone as cool as me on here 😎”  it lead to some cute banter after and ended with “Jk you’re definitely way cooler...I have a radar for these things! So how’s your day?”

 

I also liked “Hi ___! So, since snacks are one of my love languages, what’s your favorite snack? I know, I know, impossible question to answer...” 

 

Then we exchanged snacks and it lead to “wow. We have great snack compatibility. This is very important!” 

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3 hours ago, tommy2221 said:

.

"Hey. I know this is really random and I really didn’t want to message you online, would’ve much rather talked to you in person but I don’t think ive ever seen you, even though we’re both (same ethnicity) and live in the same city 😭 Im interested in getting to know you so, if its okay with you, would you be open to it? ☺️"

Just as creepy as the other "openers".

You need to ease in more slowly. That means like a post here or there, invite her to follow/friend you etc.

This angle is creepy because girls get this junk every single day.

You're too eager .

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1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

That means like a post here or there

if i like a post and she puts up story on her instagram, if i comment on it, wouldnt that be too eager as well?

i dont see any other way of talking to her other than either messaging her, or commenting on a story she puts up

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1 hour ago, Rose Mosse said:

mention something you saw on her profile

Question. how long should i wait after i follow her to message her or should i comment on a story she puts up? she doesnt have anything interesting, just pictures of herself in different places. 2 which are weddings, one in a famous alleyway with graffiti i think, one in a park that i recognise, one in a place which i have no clue and a few random ones. as you can tell, ive got no game and asking for any help i can get 😭 the initial part is the hardest for me, the rest im fine with

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21 minutes ago, tommy2221 said:

Question. how long should i wait after i follow her to message her or should i comment on a story she puts up? she doesnt have anything interesting, just pictures of herself in different places. 2 which are weddings, one in a famous alleyway with graffiti i think, one in a park that i recognise, one in a place which i have no clue and a few random ones. as you can tell, ive got no game and asking for any help i can get 😭 the initial part is the hardest for me, the rest im fine with

Go with your gut instincts and keep the message short. What are your thoughts on some of the places you recognize?

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27 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

What are your thoughts on some of the places you recognize?

well ive thought of 2 things. i can ask her "is this that famous alleyway in the city?" or the second one, ive seen a few people take photos in the same place she took that photo, think its a reception or something so i might ask "where is this place? ive seen so many people take photos here" or something along those lines. the photo is two months old tho, that should be fine tho right?

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1 hour ago, tommy2221 said:

well ive thought of 2 things. i can ask her "is this that famous alleyway in the city?" or the second one, ive seen a few people take photos in the same place she took that photo, think its a reception or something so i might ask "where is this place? ive seen so many people take photos here" or something along those lines. the photo is two months old tho, that should be fine tho right?

I had questions like this all the time and that's why I deleted social media. People kept commenting and asking where a certain place was. 

My thought would be to make a comment about the photo of which you know the whereabouts and ask her when she last visited or something along those lines. You'll be fine. Don't overthink it. Good luck.

Edited by Rose Mosse
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