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Helpful analogy

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Here's an interesting analogy that you might find useful if you're dealing with self-esteem issues post-break up and/or looking for a way to conceptualize the need for self-improvement (if you're thinking - why should I have to change myself to make other people appreciate me).


We are all precious gem stones. Different types of gem stones, and each one unique due to the individual set of circumstances and environment in which it was created. 

At first, a gem stone looks like an ordinary rock. Some people are able to tell that what looks to be just a rock is actually a gem stone. Many people stop at that point with relationships: well, if he couldn't see that I was a gem stone, no matter my external state, that's his loss. And of course that happens - theoretically, the most deserving people will be able to see your value regardless of the circumstances. 

However, we are both the gem stone and the jewelers in this analogy. If we can polish ourselves (improve our inherent character and values), find what cut best highlights our inherent brilliance (do things that we're passionate about and excel at), put ourselves in beautiful ring and necklace settings (surround ourselves with good people, dress well, take care of our bodies, etc.), obviously there will be more people that recognize our value. Even better, we will know we have improved ourselves and can always continue to polish and improve. You have the ability to raise your own value and shape yourself in a way that improves on the valuable human you already are.

You never need to chase

However, we can take this analogy even further. Once you are cut and polished, your brilliance highlighted against a black velvet background, you do not need to advertise yourself. In fact, those things of highest quality are never advertised - you don't get sales flyers in your inbox for theses types of items, reminders that they exist, etc. They don't need to be advertised. Maybe, because they're not advertised, the general population won't know about these rare, high quality jewels. But that doesn't matter. It is actually better - only the people who actually can afford the gem stone are in the know. Moreover, as each gem stone is unique (or, at this point, each carefully crafted piece of jewelry set around the gem stone is unique), once it finds a home, it is gone. 

Have you ever gone shopping and seen something you want? However, for whatever reason, you aren't able to purchase it or have qualms. If it's something that truly caught your interest, you'll keep thinking about it. At some point, you'll start to get panicky: what if it's gone? What if someone else purchased it? What if that was my only chance? 

You don't need to chase or advertise yourself. Your inherent quality will speak on its own. Furthermore, because we are humans and can continuously improve ourselves without limit (unlike objects), even between the time someone first sees you and then comes back for a second look, you can continue to polish and improve yourself. 

If someone doesn't recognize your value, that's their problem

Even if you're the most incredibly, polished, perfectly cut and displayed diamond ring - acknowledged by the rest of society to be of immense rarity and value - there will always be a person who prefers an emerald. You can't change that you're a diamond, nor should you want to. Furthermore, you deserve to be admired and appreciated for what you are. You don't even want someone who, every time they look down at their hand, thinks "yeah this is nice - but I really wanted an emerald."

Sadly, some people won't even realize they prefer emeralds until they first see if they like diamonds. But remember, that loss is theirs. You are what you are and, moreover, you have made yourself into the most valuable version of yourself possible. If you have done your best, and you are still not valued, that person was just looking for something different than you. But that doesn't decrease your value in any sense. It just means they aren't right for you and don't deserve you - because you know your value and you know that whoever is lucky enough to have you needs to appreciate you.


The biggest problem with this analogy is, obviously, that humans are not objects and people in relationships do not "own" or "purchase" one another. Regardless of this flaw, I found this analogy fun, useful, and uplifting so just thought I would share!

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